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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very stressful awful morning.

29 replies

Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 09:52

I have been having trouble getting my child into school EBSA. The school are aware that I have contacted every agencies possible and I have managed to get her there most days apart from the second week of year 7.

i take her early at 8 so shes there before the crowds, but she won’t go to student support on her own theu have to collect her. The last few occasions they have made me wait saying they would like her to go on her own. After a very difficult morning getting her in both of us in tears theu made me wait 20 mins by this time more and more crowds I had to stop her escaping twice so I admit I was curt to the staff because I myself by this point was at breaking point. I know there are other children and parents I understand this but I am doing my part getting her in after being threatened with a fines etc by them.

The teacher called me said I acted rude and they would like a meeting because they I seem distressed too. What do theu expect parents to do it’s so so hard. Am I unreasonable for wanting to get her in before the crowds. Im not meaning to rude just highly anxious by this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 20:19

Sassylovesbooks · 08/10/2025 20:03

The school are trying to 'make your daughter run before she can walk', so to speak. In other words, they are trying to rush the process because they think she should be ready to take the next step. Instead of looking at the meeting with dread, look at it as a blessing. Tell the school that they might think your daughter should be ready to walk to support herself, but clearly she's not, if after 20 minutes of waiting for someone to collect her, she's become so anxious she's tried to leave the building twice! Tell them that you are more than willing to cooperate on a plan, that can help your daughter, but it's got to be at her pace, not theirs! Has your daughter seen an Educational Psychologist? Tell the school you are stressed, frustrated and emotionally drained by the situation and are trying your best.

I have been in constant communication with her head of year he knows the situation. She is awaiting a CYPS assessment which I know can take year but she is also on thier local councillors waiting list which is a matter of months apparently. I know getting short n snappy isnt ideal but when you reach the end of your tether. My estranged ex her father tried once and gave up he couldn’t get her near the door she went home so I think im doing pretty damn well doing it every day without any support bevause he’s bailed completely it’s just too much for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 20:25

Tiswa · 08/10/2025 20:17

How about going in later once everyone is in just for the end of tutor - it is a reasonable
adjusment I have seen done before

Tried theu prefer the breakfast club method but what’s the point if they take her into breakfast club 3 mins before her tutor group. I am following their lead but they are not stepping up. I took her in at 7.57 but I was kind of pushed aside because it doesn’t begin until 8 and still made to wait at least 20 mins bevause heir are other kids are parents. I am not expecting special treatment just something that works

OP posts:
Tiredandtrying · 08/10/2025 20:29

Endofyear · 08/10/2025 10:06

Being rude to the staff isn't going to get you anywhere. Your anxiety and tears etc are going to rub off on your DD so you really need to work on staying calm and work with the school to make the handover as quick and seamless as possible. Go to the meeting and explain that you are having difficulty getting your daughter to go in by herself to meet student support and ask if they can come and meet you at the entrance at the moment. Try and work out with them a plan to work towards her going in independently.

This is bollocks.

schools often spout parental anxiety rubbing off and it’s simply not true. You’re upset because you’re at breaking point.

do go and have a meeting, but do lots of research about what school need to be doing, the legislation and your daughters rights. Write down everything you want to say, ask for minutes, and try and take someone with you.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 08/10/2025 20:34

Tiredandtrying · 08/10/2025 20:29

This is bollocks.

schools often spout parental anxiety rubbing off and it’s simply not true. You’re upset because you’re at breaking point.

do go and have a meeting, but do lots of research about what school need to be doing, the legislation and your daughters rights. Write down everything you want to say, ask for minutes, and try and take someone with you.

Show quote history

I will thank you. I don’t need to write it down I have been awake at night going over and over I know exactly what I want to say. How can you not get upset seeing your child looking absolutely terrified and walking away. She comes out ok but then I realise she hasn’t eaten a thing and shes a good eater it’s killing me inside. Shes a very smart lovely person just overwhelmed by too much noise, people etc

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