To reluctantly accept that I'm forgettable

[Mygardenandme]

Whoops. Turned out long.
TL:DR - people never remember me even after having been interacting with them for years. I'm just instantly forgotten.

It's not an age thing. It's always been the case although I admit I'm now not even being noticed to begin with.

Examples in the last month:
I had to get someone to sign my passport photo. I've worked alongside (as well as occasionally with) this person on a desk next to his office for 3 or 4 years. When I asked him he said "oh. Do I actually know you?". He was not joking.

I had to be a roving mic at an event. Again, Ive known the presenter for years. She kept getting my name completely wrong. It was not nerves.

My son has been friends with a boy for 10 years since he was 2. They've been to each other's parties every year and more during this time. I tend to take him and always chat with his parents. I said hi to his Dad at the school date. He looked completely blankly at me and clearly didn't have a clue who I was. It was not an "out of context" thing.

I was in a lift with a stranger I had been chatting to about 30mins before. They started that conversation. I smiled at them and made a generic comment relating to our conversation. Nothing overly familiar or obscure. He didnt have a clue. That was an awkward lift ride!

At an event I introduced myself to and was chatting with the guest speaker and helping him get set up because he had got stuck. I was clearly a delegate and not a member of staff. During his pitch he made a comment that "not one person" had made eye contact with him or introduced themselves.

Someone I have attended dance lessons with and chat with for 2 years was handing stuff out. The class has about 10 people in and the teacher always uses names. She said "who is Garden again"?

I'm doing some work with "Sue" for "Jane". Im doing most of the work and have had the most contact with Jane. Jane doesnt know Sue or me and none of us normally work together. I overheard Jane say "Sue and um... I want to say Lawn... have been working on that". Sue is about the same outgoing-ness as me and as I say, Ive had the most contact with Jane.

I smile at people and try to make friendly small talk when appropriate. I'm not the most outgoing but equally I dont hide away in corners trying to make myself small. I'm not someone who walks into a room and everyone notices but I'm not scared to make myself noticed when necessary.

People just forget me instantly. The lift guy, fair enough but the others made me feel like absolute crap.

Does anyone feel this way? As I said, it's not about being invisible or ignored, it's about not being remembered. It's not an age thing as it's always been the case.

It happens to me too!
I ran into a colleague and discovered that his wife was the person I used to sit next to in sixth form English lessons. She had no recollection of me at all.
In a strange coincidence my son's friend now lives in our old house. When the dad mentioned this to the neighbours who have been there since it was built, they couldn't remember us at all.

Yes that happens to me on the regular. I spent three days delivering training at a site. The next time I was there I saw someone who had been on the course and went to speak to them, and got completely blanked.

Also had the school gate thing, but in my case it was because my husband was SAHP so the mother was used to dealing with him, but I’d been in her kitchen picking up from play dates.

Finally, I joined a friendship meet up group and went to about 3 different restaurants. Then for reasons I couldn’t go to a couple and when I went back about four people asked if I was new.

Well, what do you think causes it? Or are you hyper-focused on a scattering of people not remembering you and ignoring the larger proportion who do?

The one person I know who tends not to be remembered is not remembered because of her conversational manner and self-presentation — she always puts her focus entirely on the other person, as though she could be of no possible interest or importance herself. Any question is immediately batted back towards them, and if asked for an opinion, she will try to mirror what she imagines the questioner thinks. So she leaves no impression, but then is very cross and sad about it, because she also thinks the other person ‘owes’ her a reciprocal period of enquiring about her.

It happens to me too. It's worse because I've got mild face blindness so I can't remember who anyone is either. It's quite lonely really. I don't know what to do except be breezy about it....

I get this but more often people not knowing my name or just getting it quite wrong. Along the lines of I’m called Anna but get called Angela.

I'm unfortunately one of the people who is awful at remembering people 😬
I live in a village and people often say hello and have a chat when I'm out and it's very obvious that we've talked before and know each other and I'm just blank. I have to bluff through it. I just can't match faces to names. At work I have clients come in and they know my name and details about my life so we know each other, but other than their name I'm flummoxed. It's weird as aside from the face thing I have a fantastic memory. It's not everyone obviously, but it's a lot.
Apparently, it's not an uncommon problem. I'd hate to think I cause offence by it. It's not to do with people being boring I can assure you.

I would remember our interactions but not your face if I had had some brief contact with you. I have face blindness so if I meet you briefly and your face is quite normal looking I probably won’t remember it at all. I do eventually once it’s in my long term memory!! It’s insanely annoying and can end up in me being in some awkward situations. Maybe some of these people have it too

I'm terrible with names and faces, I think there is an 'ism for it! So I regularly don't recognise or don't know people's names, particularly if it's been a hurried introduction with several people. It's really embarrassing sometimes, sorry if you've been on the receiving end, it's not personal. Just remind people who you are if they have forgotten or mixed you up, it happens a lot, perhaps you are particularly good at remembering people and it's just not reciprocated.

People are generally remembered because they stand out. Standing out could be something positive or negative. You are probably like a lot of women, just nice, keep the peace, want to be liked. I worked in a male dominated industry for many years. If you want to be heard in that as a woman being a shrinking violet is not going to cut it.

I have been told on more than one occasion I’m a bit like a man, seen as a bit contentious because I do not nod along and agree. History has forgotten too many women, it’s nothing new unfortunately.

We're all forgettable, OP - it's completely normal, and actually quite soothing! The vast, vast majority of us are also dull, uninteresting etc. That's how being human works. Fifty years after we die, absolutely nobody will remember us - unless we're Mozart or Shakespeare - and that's absolutely fine. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Always happened to me too, to the point where I expect to be forgotten and I'm genuinely surprised if anyone ever remembers me. I think in my case, my attitude is in part due to an abusive mother who told me I was forgettable, so I internalised it as a kid and expected it.

It can be quite useful really.

edited to add, your experiences sound particularly upsetting, OP, you're not being U.

I think that some people are highly observational. I notice everyone and everything. I remember what people have said to me - what their dh’s name is, their children’s, what they had for dinner…

I’ve always found it disappointing, nay insulting, that the compliment is not returned, but only just recently, after five decades, have realised that most people just don’t notice others . They’re not being rude, per se, but aren’t interested. My neighbours, for example. I raise a hand in greeting if I see them - they blank me every time. They don’t register who I am because they have no interest in me.

Happens to me all the time, in my 30s and 40s it really annoyed me and I would get cross or upset about it at home with my husband. Now I don’t care, I don’t take it personally and try to see the advantages of gliding through life without being hailed.

I know what you mean, @MaturingCheeseball but I think I'd have another name for neighbours who blank my friendly greeting!

I’d probably go around calling everyone cunts and doing cartwheels around the room. Forget this, bitches.

Nope I find people always remember me in terrible at remembering people though… it’s not personal

I’m one of those people who is a bit bad at noticing others unless I make a big effort as I can get lost in my head sometimes. I also am a bit face blind. The net result is to me I mostly beleive the world is weirdly good at remembering me but it’s probably just that I’m bad at remembering other people - my guess is the same the other way around for you - you’re great at remembering others so it feels unequal and there that you just be forgettable when in general they just forget lots of people. Don’t let it bother you.

Odd. But I’d concentrate on whether you are noticed and loved by those close to you. Or buy some really wacky glasses.

Perhaps you would make a great spy op?

Else buy a funky hat that everyone will remember

Love this!

I'm genuinely hopeless with people out of the very immediate context in which I know them.
A couple of years ago, a lady in the supermarket stopped me to say hello. She was chatting away, full of "nice to see yous", and then goes, "will you be popping in later?"
I'm clueless. Pop in where?! I dance round it with a, "oooh, maybe... haven't quite decided yet!"
We part ways, and then I eventually remember she's the manager of the Costa Coffee next door, who I would see every Saturday morning.

I'm also dismal with names. I hear a name and it's literally in one ear and straight out the other. It genuinely meets no resistance on its way through my brain. I've really tried to get better, but with limited sucess.

I'm sure it's not personal OP.

Some of your examples are bizarre, they’re more than the individuals involved just being a bit bad at noticing people or you not being hugely memorable in character. Lift man, fine. But colleague in the office next to your desk for four years having no idea who you are? Dance teacher blanking on a student she’s taught weekly for years? Presenter you’ve worked with multiple times forgetting your name? That’s not about you being “forgettable”, to me that’s about a lack of respect and frankly rudeness on their part.

Im the person who never remembers anyone. People seem to be really good at remembering me but I really struggle it's not intentional it just seems to be how my brain works

I have the opposite problem to you - people that I’ve never met before think that they know me from somewhere. I have had a lot of conversations where, upon meeting me, people have spent a long time asking if I went to X school, worked in X industry, lived in X town. The answer to these questions is always no, but they don’t seem to believe me and maintain that they definitely know me from somewhere. I’ve always assumed that I have some kind of generic, everywoman type face that looks familiar to people for some reason.

I met DH and his family when I was 21. For the next ten years I was there for Sunday lunch, remember the PIL retiring from work. BIL, lived with us when he was in the UK half the year for a decade.
I'm now mid 50s, still married, my in-laws explain weddings, events, relationships that I was actually there for. I'm often in the pictures.
SIL is particularly touchy about it. The siblings did one brief trip together in their late 20s, this gets remembered every family event. I've heard about it so much I could tell the 'hilarious' wildlife encounter. One of the photos, that gets pulled out is actually me on a different trip. They even distributed it, printed for Xmas as a mouse mat.