To reluctantly accept that I'm forgettable

[Mygardenandme]

Whoops. Turned out long.
TL:DR - people never remember me even after having been interacting with them for years. I'm just instantly forgotten.

It's not an age thing. It's always been the case although I admit I'm now not even being noticed to begin with.

Examples in the last month:
I had to get someone to sign my passport photo. I've worked alongside (as well as occasionally with) this person on a desk next to his office for 3 or 4 years. When I asked him he said "oh. Do I actually know you?". He was not joking.

I had to be a roving mic at an event. Again, Ive known the presenter for years. She kept getting my name completely wrong. It was not nerves.

My son has been friends with a boy for 10 years since he was 2. They've been to each other's parties every year and more during this time. I tend to take him and always chat with his parents. I said hi to his Dad at the school date. He looked completely blankly at me and clearly didn't have a clue who I was. It was not an "out of context" thing.

I was in a lift with a stranger I had been chatting to about 30mins before. They started that conversation. I smiled at them and made a generic comment relating to our conversation. Nothing overly familiar or obscure. He didnt have a clue. That was an awkward lift ride!

At an event I introduced myself to and was chatting with the guest speaker and helping him get set up because he had got stuck. I was clearly a delegate and not a member of staff. During his pitch he made a comment that "not one person" had made eye contact with him or introduced themselves.

Someone I have attended dance lessons with and chat with for 2 years was handing stuff out. The class has about 10 people in and the teacher always uses names. She said "who is Garden again"?

I'm doing some work with "Sue" for "Jane". Im doing most of the work and have had the most contact with Jane. Jane doesnt know Sue or me and none of us normally work together. I overheard Jane say "Sue and um... I want to say Lawn... have been working on that". Sue is about the same outgoing-ness as me and as I say, Ive had the most contact with Jane.

I smile at people and try to make friendly small talk when appropriate. I'm not the most outgoing but equally I dont hide away in corners trying to make myself small. I'm not someone who walks into a room and everyone notices but I'm not scared to make myself noticed when necessary.

People just forget me instantly. The lift guy, fair enough but the others made me feel like absolute crap.

Does anyone feel this way? As I said, it's not about being invisible or ignored, it's about not being remembered. It's not an age thing as it's always been the case.

Also im terrible if people are in a different location so if I see my neighbour in a supermarket I wouldn't have a clue.

I read all this with interest @Mygardenandme as I feel the same! I actually think (not laughing at you) but it's quite funny - like it's the basis of a comedy sketch.

I'd be vaguely tempted to make a real point of introducing and reintroducing myself to the same people until they started using my name. Like the passport guy, next time you see him introduce yourself! When he looks perplexed just say in case you've forgotten again who you sit next to!

I also think people probably perceive you with a lot more respect than you realise, plus are so in their own worlds - sleep deprivation, own thoughts, on autopilot.

MIL did a death cleaning photo purge recently and binned most pictures with me in from the 90s. The albums are just bloody relatives only until SIL got married, then I appear on the periphery.

I'm another one of these people, as several posters seem to be, who struggle with names and faces. I'm not fully "face blind" but if I see someone out of context it's a proper struggle - like I used to go to a running club, and I'd recognise someone as "that lady at club with the funky leggings who wears two headtorches" but if I saw her in regular clothes in Tescos I'd have no clue. I also went for years and only reliably learnt a couple of peoples' names! I don't find it easy to remember names, and I'm not the most outgoing so don't go round introducing myself and asking after people and their kids/husbands/jobs. I'd make some small talk but people were acquaintances rather than friends.

I'm always surprised if someone I don't know comes up and addresses me by name, I'm there thinking how do they know who I am! I'm pretty distinctive in that I'm tall, have short often brightly coloured dyed hair, I'm involved in organising things like local parkruns where I stand up and talk to 500 odd people... yeah some people do seem to have learnt who I am mysteriously 😂

People are forgetful and occasionally incompetent. You don't need to translate this into being inherently forgettable yourself. It's an attribute of the people you are interacting with, not of you.

Me too.
I have neighbours (a family) who I am on Christmas card/good morning etc terms with. Nice people. We've lived next door to each other for five years. We are slightly separated by hedges etc, but I do see them out and about pretty much daily in passing or from a distance.
Last Christmas we ran into each other at a village event and I honestly couldn't think how I knew them until they started mentioning things about the houses. I bluffed it out, but I had a good few minutes of blank. I couldn't pick the kids or dad out of a line up even now!!

Love this.

Ha I am this person. I do this when I genuinely think the other person has a good perspective so I frame my answer using it.

I get this! I always say oh yeah I've got a few doppelgangers in a totes casual way 😂

Same happens to me OP, I'm totally forgettable. The people who are talking about face blindness, its not that because people don't forget other people - just me! Its happened to me since childhood, always the name left off the list or the person not added to the group etc.
I went to school with my husband and everyone remembers him, nobody has a clue who I was (I saw a school photo on Facebook with a discussion underneath about the name of the girl at the back - it was me, none of them could remember my name!). I am a fairly average woman who is quiet and polite so I guess I just don't stand out. I've made peace with it now and expect to be forgotten so always re-introduce myself to people if its been a while! My husband always jokes that I should have had a career as a spy. At the end of the day my family and close friends know who I am and they love me so thats all that matters really.

One thing that helps and I bang on about this is wearing colour. I had my colours done and am much less invisible. A simple one is red - wear more red and people notice and remember you.

I think I have mild face blindness and certaintly struggle with people out of context but while I may not remember a name of a college I vaugely know - if I'd had contact with them or sat next to them for years - I'd know them or know their name - (often a a curtursy if I was struggling to rememeber it would be quickly look up able).

I think OP you may have missed your calling - you are clearly spy material - blending in seamlessly in such a way no-one remembers you.

Love this so much.

I get ignored, but then on the odd occasion I'm not actually ignored I do get forgotten.

I grew up in a chaotic abusive household and I reckon I learnt pretty early on it was best to be invisible and not stand out.

I am not in the habit of doing anything other than making myself small, invisible, unforgettable so my nervous system feels safe.

I have to intentionally challenge myself to be more noticeable when I'm engaging with people- disagree, laugh too loud, have an opinion.

"Forget this bitches" is going to be my mantra from now on!

My spelling is awful this morning.

DH dresses to get remembered and notice using colour and clothing but he also has unusal objects on him that often give people an opening to start small talking to him - pocket watch, badges - tie/bag/umbrella design.

I seem to have a face people think they know - which is an issue as I don't always recognise people and often rely of conversation context to work out who they are - but sometime they don't actually know me.

Damn! You have a super power @Mygardenandme

you should have been in Intelligence Services! You’d make a brilliant spy! All that stealth capability

😊

I can see how this would be upsetting tho. I’m very much out of sight out of mind too.

I forget everyone!! (Im sure people forget me constantly I just don't notice.) I am just very bad at remembering faces and am introverted. Beyond my established circle I don't have the energy nor do I want to form connections. It's not a slight or comment on any other person. Op most people are self obsessed with limited capacity. I'm sorry you've felt like crap, why though - do you worry that you are not charismatic? Interesting enough? I can relate to that!! My only practical advice is get a treasured pet. Whenever I am stressed I cuddle my clingy cat and I feel grateful, life is good.

All this face blindness. Who knew so many people suffered from it? My take on it @Mygardenandme is that a lot of people just have bad manners with a large pinch of ‘I can’t be arsed with anyone who is not of use to me’. Honestly try not to take it to heart OP. I lived in a village for nearly 15 years. I saw the same folk day in and day out. I always gave a cheery ‘hello’. I got blanked and some asked if I had just moved to the area on many an occasion 😂.

You’ve got two choices dye your hair red or buy a red hat and wear it constantly

Apparently it's roughly 1 in 33 people who suffer!

It does sound frustrating but on balance, I'd rather be forgotten than remembered for (and defined by) one trait e.g. the loud/boring/quiet/mean one.

They say you don't get a second chance to make a first impression, but you do OP, so make the most of it!

I have this, I am very very average though, average height/ weight, dress quite plainly, don't tend to be very loud or tell strangers my opinions, polite but not effusive. I'm almost 50 so now not even pervy blokes notice me. I'd make a wonderful spy, almost invisible and completely unmemorable!!

I do sometimes wish I had something exceptional about me that made more of an impression! Perhaps flame red hair, an intriguing accent or an abundance of charm! I can dream!

I think the vast majority of the population is pretty forgettable at the end of the day.

Ooh I have this and I quite like it! I should have joined MI5 really. I think it makes ageing easier - and I don’t have much of an ego which also makes everything else easier. Try not to let it bother you!

This is really thought provoking.
I think, basically, it is a mismatch between how observant/ interested in people you are, as compared to other people.
Or as a flip side, how self absorbed other people are compared to you.
But the thing is, you have to be a bit self absorbed to be memorable, I think, you have to have a strong sense of self to be interesting to people.
I say this as someone who is more on your side of each spectrum.

What I do find interesting is how you haven't fully internalised your experience i.e it still surprises you. Admittedly you have had some extreme examples of people forgetting you. But if I think of my own life, I basically have low expectations of being remembered, or I expect to remember people more than I am remembered, on balance. This is because I know I am vigilant by nature in social situations and watch people closely.

Perhaps you had wonderful parents who made you feel noticed and important and that is why it still confounds your expectations ❤️

I think I have facial amnesia. Names on a list of paper, or repeated appointments, I’m not too bad with, but faces-especially if out of context, I have an embarrassing inability to remember. Grey haired men are the worst. Unless they have something ‘about’ them that I can remember-I’m at a loss.