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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a hello from DS's friends

50 replies

Ineedmorebutter · 08/10/2025 08:35

I am not from the UK originally and so would be grateful to know what is the norm on this.

Yesterday on the way to a school event DS ( year 8) and I ran into 3 of her friendship group friends outside the school gate. They shouted out my daughter's name but pretended not to have seen me when we got there. When I said hi they looked down on the ground and one of them gave me a blank stare back. I was a bit taken aback as I had just organised a party for them in my house a week earlier. One of them in knew DS since nursery, was very close to her and has been sleeping over at ours numerous times.

This would be consider quite rude where I grew up. But everywhere is different and so I wonder if INBU to expect a quick hi ( I'm not looking for a conversation) or IBU as this is normal teenagers' behaviour in the UK and just don't greet them next time?

I know this is a small issue but I didn't grow up in the UK and would appreciate some guidance on what the social norms are. I am trying to parent a teenager and everybit of advice helps, thank you.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 08/10/2025 08:39

YANBU, but I do think plenty of teens are awkward and shy around adults.

Reachedthefinalstage · 08/10/2025 08:45

Yes they were very rude. Especially given they have been in your home and accepted your hospitality.
I honestly think that many young people now have absolutely no idea on how normal social interaction should be conducted.
I'm really sorry that they behaved in this way to you OP. And quite frankly I would be thinking twice about having them in my home again if they blanked me so rudely in the manner they did.

AC246 · 08/10/2025 09:14

Really rude.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/10/2025 09:16

I think it's rude but I agree, a lot teenagers are very awkward around adults that aren't their immediate family so it's not unusual.

CrowMate · 08/10/2025 09:20

Rude. I’ve encountered the same.

splim · 08/10/2025 09:30

I got royally irked by some of DD's friends at this age. Perfectly polite tweens we'd had over to play for years suddenly stopped talking to me even when I was giving them a lift. One of my other friends had the same experience with their group. I found her daughter did continue to say thank you for lifts, as she assured me my daughter did, but we both struggled with the other DC in the group.

In their case I think it was boundary testing and/or excruciating embarrassment. They did grow into quite capable and polite older teens, capable of holding down Saturday jobs and being polite to customers.

I wouldn't start blanking them back! You're not 14, model the behaviour you'd like to see. I would just keep saying a pleasant hello to them. Make the odd remark perhaps that doesn't demand a response - statements rather than questions. They will hopefully grow out of it.

AutumnFoxe · 08/10/2025 09:34

No its rude and im sick of this generation trying to make rudeness normal. I work in a shop where we gets lots of teenagers and they all seem to have bad anxiety which means they cant acknowledge me serving them or saying thanks. Rudeness is definitely becoming the norm with young people nowadays.

Timeforabitofpeace · 08/10/2025 09:38

My dds boyfriend was like this when they were teenagers so I told him it wasn’t acceptable not to reply to me in my own house, and was rude. So he started to do so.

Hoppinggreen · 08/10/2025 09:40

Rude
DS is 16 now but I still get a "Hello, how are you?" and on occasion a bar of chocolate
The Chocolate started as a joke when one of them phoned DS on the way to our house to ask if he wanted anything from the shop and I shouted "a Galaxy please" so now they all tend to bring me one when they come here.
His mates are a lovely bunch of boys, we are very lucky

Original poster
Ineedmorebutter · 08/10/2025 10:41

Ahh thank you so much for all your views on this. So it's rude but I guess I just have to wait it out.

I mentioned it to my daughter and she said 'I can't do anything about it' which is true. She told me that she always said hello to her friends' parents (I hope this is the case).

@reachedthefinalstage I initially did an internal 'you're banned from my house' lol but wondered whether it might be my perimenopause speaking. I want to ban everyone at the moment.

@splim Great advice, thank you.

@hoppinggreen What a lovely bunch!

OP posts:
IamnotSethRogan · 08/10/2025 11:05

My DS is early teens and it's a real mix with his friends. Some are really friendly and always say hello, others are a bit socially awkward and wouldn't say hello if we saw eachother in public.

indoorplantqueen · 08/10/2025 11:08

Yes it is rude and my dd would always say hello and if she goes to someone’s house I always say ‘make sure’ and she cuts my off and says ‘I know mum I will be polite and make sure I say thank you’.

but I work with a lot of teens and they can be very awkward around adults/ people they don’t know so I wouldn’t take it personally.

TSnewbie · 08/10/2025 11:24

Indeed, don't take it personally. I have two teens and have the same experience. My tactic is always to try extra hard in modelling the right example, so by saying hello, naming them and by asking questions in a friendly manner (like: Hi Alison, how's your mum doing' etc. ) just to make them feel more at ease and to avoid the awkward silence. I honestly think they appreciate it (mostly 😉) as I'm pretty sure they feel awkward too.

TheFiveLakes · 08/10/2025 11:42

Rude yes.

My sons' friends talk to me - some more, some less, but if I directly say hello none have ever blanked me. In fact I think most teenagers say "hi" even if you accidentally greet the "wrong" teen, just assuming you're "someone's mum" ... My own son did that once - "who was that" I asked - "Someone's mum I guess" he replied!

My daughter's friends were an even more extreme mix of mumbling "hi" to their feet versus deciding to deliberately approach me have a polite conversation, but again none would do a blank stare.

TheatricalLife · 08/10/2025 11:49

It's quite rude, but I can't say it would bother me. They are young teens who have no interest a middle aged mum 🤷‍♀️ give them a few years and they will be more chatty. DD friends changed considerably between year 8 and 11 and were much more confident and open.

JHound · 08/10/2025 11:50

It’s considered rude in the UK too.

Obeseandashamed · 08/10/2025 11:51

They were rude but my child is also always mortified when I say hello to friends 😅 I put that down to being a teenager and everything being ‘embarrassing’. Thankfully they’re pretty polite and often say hi to me before I greet them.

NamefromNowhere · 08/10/2025 11:56

It's rude, and I experience the same thing with my DS's friends, including in our house. I have been very surprised at the ones that come in, don't say hello or goodbye or even acknowledge my presence even though I'm right there, and in some cases open the door to them. One or two say hello, and I have told my DS what a good impression this gives
We were always taught to say 'hello', 'goodbye' and 'thank you for having me', and I am really surprised that this basic level of manners seems to be slipping.

Original poster
Ineedmorebutter · 08/10/2025 19:00

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I now have a bettet perspective. Thanks again.

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 08/10/2025 19:03

Dosent help that they are all glued to their phones.
I see them get on the bus and scan their phones to pay the fare.

Not a smile, nor an acknowledgement to the driver or anything.
They don't know how to interact and they are like Zombies.
Good to raise this OP.

Musicaltheatremum · 08/10/2025 19:10

My daughter and sons friends were all lovely. They are still friends with a lot of them and I even have some of them on social media and if we meet we still have great chats.
My children's school was very hot on encouraging people to speak to adults. The teachers were fabulous at communication. We need to get off our phones and start talking again. I'm sure the internet has reduced conversation so when they do speak they are anxious as they're not used to it.

Talkingfrog · 08/10/2025 19:18

Dd's friends say hello to me. They wave if they see me dropping her off too.

mondaytosunday · 08/10/2025 19:18

I must say all my children’s friends were faultlessly polite. They always thanked me when they had come over, and greeted me if I saw them at school. But they went to a (fee paying) school where they were taught to look adults in the face and greet them properly (school went from nursery through sixth form), so even if the parents had not been insisting on this the school did.
Sure there’s the odd awkward teen who one can hear swear and ‘banter’ at Olympic level yet become tongue-tied in the presence of an actual adult, but the vast majority seem polite and courteous.

FullLondonEye · 08/10/2025 19:33

Looking back to my teenage years I really hope I wasn't rude to my friends' parents but I honestly can't remember at all. However I do remember that crippling shyness - once I saw a friend's mum in the supermarket and 100% panicked that she would spot me and want to say hello. I shot out of that supermarket like lightning, and I couldn't even tell you why. There was nothing wrong with her, nice enough woman. I have no idea what I was dreading, what awful thing I thought would happen if she were to say hello to me, but I can tell you that I still remember the feeling of horror at the very idea of it. What on Earth was that all about?

So I can't tell you why they do it and yes, it seems very rude but I don't believe it comes from a place of genuine rudeness. It's just a weird stage many or even most teens seem to go through. Fortunately it is just a stage and the vast majority get past it and turn into normal adults. I certainly don't have any issues talking to other adults now.

Nestingbirds · 08/10/2025 19:34

All of the teens we know would be expected to say hello, most can manage chit chat as well 😎