To expect a hello from DS's friends

[Ineedmorebutter]

I am not from the UK originally and so would be grateful to know what is the norm on this.

Yesterday on the way to a school event DS ( year 8) and I ran into 3 of her friendship group friends outside the school gate. They shouted out my daughter's name but pretended not to have seen me when we got there. When I said hi they looked down on the ground and one of them gave me a blank stare back. I was a bit taken aback as I had just organised a party for them in my house a week earlier. One of them in knew DS since nursery, was very close to her and has been sleeping over at ours numerous times.

This would be consider quite rude where I grew up. But everywhere is different and so I wonder if INBU to expect a quick hi ( I'm not looking for a conversation) or IBU as this is normal teenagers' behaviour in the UK and just don't greet them next time?

I know this is a small issue but I didn't grow up in the UK and would appreciate some guidance on what the social norms are. I am trying to parent a teenager and everybit of advice helps, thank you.

same here. Rude but very age typical…

I really hope things haven't changed for the worse in the last 20 years. My kids friends would always greet me and even have a brief chat, back then.

Parents are not cool at this age OP. They're not going to want to stand around making small talk with you and are probably worried that if they say hello they won't be able to get rid of you!

Awkward teens - I wouldn't give it a second thought!

It’s their age. All of my daughter’s school friends used to come over and were very polite until year 8. Then they would come in and go straight up the stairs without saying hello and leave without a goodbye. They grew out of it.

Very rude. I blame the fact their live their social lives on their phones. The kids that age that can actually hold a polite conversation with an adult (like a friend's mum) really stand out so it's worth training your kid to do basics at least like eye contact and saying hello. I love the chatty ones of my children's friends.

My daughter’s friends always smile, wave or say hello (16/17 year olds), even if I am on my own, so there is hope!

Mum of a 19 year old boy... the younger teenage years were a bit awkward. When his friend group came and lounged on MY garden furniture without so much as a glance I told my son they're not welcome again if they can't be civil... fast forward a few years and his friends come in the back door themselves and say "hi mum" and sit and have a chat with me before they see him 😂

Boys are great for giving the gossip if you get a chatty one!

I get being shy but anyone can manage a little "hi" or wave. This is minimum requirement for ds friends; that they respond when being greeted.

I have taught Ds to be polite to parents and always say please , thank you and ask if he can help if being invited to eat. Parents always compliments him on his politeness and I tell him that it's win win. If parents appreciate you you are more likely to get an invite back the next time. There is only one in his friendship group who looks the other way when greeted but he's a bit odd, I suspect autism spectrum (aspberger which they have now deleted) so he gets a free pass since it's so obvious that it's hard for him to talk to adults.

Absolutely they are 🤣🤣

I only have to walk into a room where my daughter is on a group chat on her phone and all her friends say hi mom and wave. They include me in their conversations and jokes, but I don't outstay my welcome. They always talk to me when coming into my home. They know i have rules and boundaries, but I'm relaxed around them too. Age range 16-18, fair amount of girls and boys. So no, rudeness is not the norm.

I think this is rude behaviour. It’s not you; it’s very definitely them.
however, I put a similar thread on AIBU months ago (possibly under a different name) where I said I was sick of ride kids. The example i gave was of a (NT) child that refused to say goodbye having spent the afternoon at my house. I got a pile on for expecting children to have to talk to me.
Mumsnet is a funny place!

Yeah they are rude. They should all be coming in like Perry. "Thank you Mrs Pattison"

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences and for voting.

I wish people wouldn't put this down to anxiety. There's a huge difference between someone who's too shy to speak and someone who's lost their manners.

Absolutely, and that has been my experience with all but one of my childrens friends, and even she says Hello, but no name.

By Year 8 shyness isn't an excuse any more. It's just plain bad manners, sorry. Unless they have actual medical issues such as autism.

I find it rather irritating. I've even noticed it with kids age 16 that my son knew who didn't even look at me when I gave them a drink let alone thanked me. They just took it. Parents fault.

If these girls have been to your home, then you aren't a complete stranger to them. I'd expect them to say Hello back to you, out of politeness. Using the excuse of you being an adult, and they might be awkward or shy around adults, is a cop out. Unless a child is SEN, there's no reason why they can't say Hello back. You're not expecting or engaging in an in-depth conversation, it's Hello!!! Yes, it's rude, and no it definitely shouldn't be 'normal'.

Just to add a different perspective on this, is your dd going through a difficult patch? My friend used to tell me her mother was awful and was constantly belittling her and contradicting her as well as mistreating her. We (her friends) found it really hard to be pleasant to the mother so ignored her. Found out years later that none of it was true and she was giving her dm a really difficult time of it!

@Foreverautumnagain interesting because I have recently severely limited my daughter's screen time - smart phones for weekends only and got her a dumb phone (she hates this phrase) for school l, alongside in bed & light out by 9:30pm rule. Am I also being unreasonable here too? OMG

I wouldn’t let anyone who is rude to me come in my house!!

Not in my opinion! Great parenting I'd say. It's not easy but sometimes parents are too keen to take the easy way out! Stick with it 👍

@Foreverautumnagain thank you for your support!

it amazes me why such rudeness is tolerated, if horrible, rude teens are not called out they will never learn. The parents or school obviously are not teaching them