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Original poster

He doesn’t want to be with me but wants to still talk

52 replies

Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 00:16

He’s told me he’s not happy and doesn’t want to be with me. I’ve asked is it me what is it and he said he’s just not happy and nothing I did or didn’t do. He’s been probably crying more than me about how he’s sorry and how bad he feels having to not be with me. I’m super confused, the only thing I’ve gauged is that he’s done this in every relationship but what’s new he has given me the kindness to tell me and break up rather than drag me through the mud like his other girls.

I have given all options in the 24hrs for the relationship to be worked on and he doesn’t want it. I’ve said I’ve got to have respect for myself and he can’t have access to me in any way if that’s the case. He said he still wants to be there for me if I’m down and wants me to know I can come to him. Which I’m also confused about why would you want that when your have walked away. Apparently he still loves me, cares deeply and didn’t mean for this to happen which if he’s done this before multiple times surely he knew.

im so confused as our relationship hasn’t been bad. I don’t get why he’s crying so hard when he wanted this to happen like as adults we have a choice.

I think right now I’m looking for advice any advice, feedback literally just anything as I am hurting

wanted to add he’s tried to leave the door open by leaving stuff at mine and saying we will have space and talk later on down the line. Surely there is nothing to talk about

OP posts:
XWKD · 08/10/2025 00:18

He sounds like a lunatic.

DoYouReally · 08/10/2025 00:29

Don't allow him to play with your emotions like this.

Cold turkey. Him & all of his stuff & contact need to disappear now.

mathanxiety · 08/10/2025 00:37

Put his crap into big black bags and leave it out for him to collect. Tell him to drop his keys to your place back by 7pm Wednesday.

No, there's nothing to talk about. Once you have his stuff bagged and when he's aware of the key deadline, block him on your phone and all SM. He'll badmouth you to all the future women whose life he will blight. It's a small price to pay for peace.

He wants to keep you hanging on until he's sure the woman he has half lined up to take your place is fully on board.

Katflapkit · 08/10/2025 00:38

How old is he? He sounds totally self obsessed

washinwashoutrepeat · 08/10/2025 00:42

He’s playing with you. Gain your self respect by drawing a line. Hé doesn’t love nor respect you so give his stuff back. Hold your head up high and walk away.

He’s not the one for you.

70sMuuMuu · 08/10/2025 00:42

He sounds like a complete idiot, but, sorry, I also bet he’s got somebody else, but they haven’t decided whether they’re interested in him yet.

ozarina · 08/10/2025 00:47

He's keeping you on the back burner.

Jeschara · 08/10/2025 00:50

He is playing with your emotions, he is behaving like a twat, he goes, so does his stuff.
He is using you, you deserve better than this idiot.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/10/2025 00:55

ozarina · 08/10/2025 00:47

He's keeping you on the back burner.

This... and also if you go along with this keeping in touch to talk... he will play with your feelings and continue to gaslight you.

This is a massive ego trip for him.

He wants to move on, but he wants to have a weeping ex in the background, he can talk round when he feels like it. It's purely a power trip and he can tell everyone that he's a nice guy and let you down gently and that he was so nice you are still in contact.

This will only make things harder for you. Don't let him do this.

Theif · 08/10/2025 00:56

It's giving him an ego boost to think that even though he's ending it he could still have you back, and soothing his guilt.

He's ended it, this isn't about making him feel better, but you. Don't cry in front of him again. Tell him to pick up his stuff and to stop contacting you. It doesn't matter how you feel in private, and how long it takes you to get over it, don't give him validation by letting him see you upset and allow him to play the good guy.

Original poster
Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 00:58

It’s hurtful but it’s clear he’s using me and feeding me with crap of “I love you” to stop me from rejecting him also. As soon as I said I’m happy to let go and bye the “ I love you” and “ your amazing” was coming out of his mouth

OP posts:
dumberthanaboxofrocks · 08/10/2025 00:58

Possibly trying to slide out from BF to occasional shag, AKA ‘be there for him’?

I had one of these once and he was an Olympic level time-waster. He cried too, about how badly he was treating me, make it make sense. I think some people enjoy their own drama.

You can’t get head-fucked if you don’t communicate. You’ve tried, I’d call time, personally. The whys don’t really matter, he’s not happy, fine. It sounds like it does have little or nothing to do with you, FWIW, but who can be arsed psycho-analysing guys like this.

Original poster
Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 00:59

He’s self centred and he doesn’t know it. He uses people to soothe himself

OP posts:
OfficerChurlish · 08/10/2025 01:02

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. It sounds like this has JUST happened; you may even be somewhat in shock. It's completely his right to end the relationship, but that's all he gets to decide. You have the right instincts to make a complete break with him, no contact at all. Even if this were a great guy and you hoped to someday be friends, almost everyone benefits from a period of absolutely no contact right after the breakup in order to heal. Seeing or talking to the ex just opens the woulds over and over. Don't let him leave things at your house and don't offer to see him to hand them over - maybe you could have a mutual friend pick them up and drop them at his, or put them in the post. Don't let him make any excuse to contact you.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/10/2025 01:04

Don't get him to pack his stuff. Pack it for him and leave by the door in bin bags. Otherwise he will be wallowing around like Jaccob Marley's ghost, trying to get you to feel sorry for him.

Make sure you are safe and have a friend with you.... in case he gets mad that you are not responding the way he thinks you are. As soon as he's left. Change the keys and block him on everything.

Original poster
Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 01:07

Luckily I took the key yesterday when he tried to leave with it and joked about how he needed an excuse to come back.

He thought leaving a baby picture of his sister and saying he needs to collect it would work. But I will send it via post

OP posts:
Newnamehiwhodis · 08/10/2025 01:18

Oh god. Another one of those addicted to drama and strife.
i know it can be difficult, but I’d advise cutting him off completely. This kind of push-pull is hell on your emotions and will get in the way of you moving on. Clean break. He sounds like my ex, who dragged things out for a long time until I finally cut him off.
squeezing emotions out of you and keeping you in his lid is just a way of feeding off your energy. Yuck

Original poster
Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 01:28

I feel so silly the love at the begining was so strong even overwhelming. He put me on a pedal stall I couldn’t do no wrong he would literally call me perfect.

I always questioned him if this was like a new shiny thing for him. was this his addictive personality finding the next best thing and I questioned what will he do when he sees I’m not perfect and human . He convinced me it wasn’t and I clearly fell for it.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 08/10/2025 01:33

You've had a brush with a narcissist.

Drop him like a hot potato.

Lampzade · 08/10/2025 02:29

Block him on all social media platforms
Block him on your phone .
Go completely No contact
He doesn’t want you but wants access to you .He wants to play around with others but have you there willing and waiting in the event that he changes his mind

steff13 · 08/10/2025 02:46

My husband and I were married for 20 years. We have three kids. One day, he told me he didn't want to be responsible for a family anymore. Which was unfortunate because we were responsible for a family. Or at least I was.

This came completely out of the blue. We didn't argue, we regularly had date nights, an active sex life, etc. I was, understandably, devastated. Even after he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, he still wanted to be my friend, he still cared about me. 🙄🤢

I let him stay in our home for 9 months! And that is my biggest regret. It broke my heart every day. I should have kicked his ass out the minute he said he didn't want to be part of our family. Make a clean break. Don't be me.

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 03:02

Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 00:16

He’s told me he’s not happy and doesn’t want to be with me. I’ve asked is it me what is it and he said he’s just not happy and nothing I did or didn’t do. He’s been probably crying more than me about how he’s sorry and how bad he feels having to not be with me. I’m super confused, the only thing I’ve gauged is that he’s done this in every relationship but what’s new he has given me the kindness to tell me and break up rather than drag me through the mud like his other girls.

I have given all options in the 24hrs for the relationship to be worked on and he doesn’t want it. I’ve said I’ve got to have respect for myself and he can’t have access to me in any way if that’s the case. He said he still wants to be there for me if I’m down and wants me to know I can come to him. Which I’m also confused about why would you want that when your have walked away. Apparently he still loves me, cares deeply and didn’t mean for this to happen which if he’s done this before multiple times surely he knew.

im so confused as our relationship hasn’t been bad. I don’t get why he’s crying so hard when he wanted this to happen like as adults we have a choice.

I think right now I’m looking for advice any advice, feedback literally just anything as I am hurting

wanted to add he’s tried to leave the door open by leaving stuff at mine and saying we will have space and talk later on down the line. Surely there is nothing to talk about

Keeping u as an option it sounds like so he can have u still when he wants u. Like come to me if ur down basically vulnerable.. been in same position
put ur foot down don’t go to him when down or anything don’t and don’t let him leave his things if that is what he wants make it clear then he gets that he don’t to keep u as an option xxxx

Barch1 · 08/10/2025 03:06

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It happened to me years ago and it affected me and future relationships for years. I was young and was convinced, he convinced me, that our future was together.
Get him out of your life asap and don’t let him back or be part of it in any way. He will keep doing it

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 03:08

Shelia5 · 08/10/2025 00:16

He’s told me he’s not happy and doesn’t want to be with me. I’ve asked is it me what is it and he said he’s just not happy and nothing I did or didn’t do. He’s been probably crying more than me about how he’s sorry and how bad he feels having to not be with me. I’m super confused, the only thing I’ve gauged is that he’s done this in every relationship but what’s new he has given me the kindness to tell me and break up rather than drag me through the mud like his other girls.

I have given all options in the 24hrs for the relationship to be worked on and he doesn’t want it. I’ve said I’ve got to have respect for myself and he can’t have access to me in any way if that’s the case. He said he still wants to be there for me if I’m down and wants me to know I can come to him. Which I’m also confused about why would you want that when your have walked away. Apparently he still loves me, cares deeply and didn’t mean for this to happen which if he’s done this before multiple times surely he knew.

im so confused as our relationship hasn’t been bad. I don’t get why he’s crying so hard when he wanted this to happen like as adults we have a choice.

I think right now I’m looking for advice any advice, feedback literally just anything as I am hurting

wanted to add he’s tried to leave the door open by leaving stuff at mine and saying we will have space and talk later on down the line. Surely there is nothing to talk about

He will come in and out when he wants if he is alllwed and it will do so much damage I been here
my self it will affect u so much
find ur strength xxxxxx

MayaPinion · 08/10/2025 04:42

He’s breadcrumbing you - leaving little bits of hope scattered about in case this new woman (and there will be a new woman) doesn’t work out. He may even get you to agree to FWB in a month or two if he’s lucky. He likes to know he can still reel you back in if he wants - it’s a power trip for him and his ego.

You need to take control here and go cold turkey. Put his stuff outside and tell him he can collect it at xx date and time. Don’t be there or at least don’t answer the door. Block his number and his socials. That’s the quickest way to move on - cold turkey.