to be really annoyed at people calling their children stupid?

[leogirl]

especially when they are in the middle of a shop? What's wrong with these parents? We all lose our tempers and children are like leeches, heck they'd suck you dry given half a chance, but to call your own child stupid - what's that doing for their self esteem etc?

I agree with you

When i worked at school, we were told you can criticise the action, but not the person...

i.e "that was a silly thing to do" but not "you are silly"

I try to do this with my own children

I try to do this too .

I would also subsitute 'daft' for stupid - not sure why it makes a differnce but it does.

If I do use the word in anger I would always say sorry.

i find that an awful thing to call a child.

I find it quite offensive and would be horrified if I or anyone said it to any of mine. I feel the same about "shut up" cannot stand to hear it said to anyone.

Oh yes Singapore - agree with that too!

Oh yes Singapore - agree with that too!

obviously YANBU.

Children believe their parents. If you tell your child they are sometihng oten enough then they will belive it and become it. LAbel a child as 'stupid' and they will think they are. Poor things.

i'm sure i've called my ds stupid lots of times, also use shut up alot.

i don't think it'll cause his a lifetime of damage

so you don't think he will remember it, or that it hurts him?

I think it is dreadful. I criticise the behaviour but never the child. They may appear to take no notice but words are very harmful. I would also never say 'shut up' .

Think again SEA.

If the most important person in the world to you keeps calling you 'stupid' or other negative words, it will have an affect on you.

I don't allow the word stupid to be used in our family.
I prefer 'silly', or, like OrmIrian says 'daft'.
Mostly I'll say 'don't be so silly' or 'that was a silly thing to do'.
I sometimes wonder what these parents must be like at home away from prying eyes, I know I'm much more tolerant in front of strangers, does that mean they are even meaner at home?

I am unconvinced by the separating the action from the person thing. I wonder whether it is actually distinguished like that by the person on the receiving end.

I call my DC "daft child" pretty frequently. I also say "stoooopid" in a very exaggerated fashion. But then I also threaten them with extreme and implausible acts of violence as a means of defusing a stand off, so I am pretty sure eyebrows are permanently raised when I'm around...

I dislike this too, children aren't stupid, they just have alot to learn - sometimes more than other times I also agree with "shut up", think it's a horrible thing to say to children but I am sure I am guilty of doing/saying many things to my childrent hat others would disapprove of

I do also say nice things to my children. On occassion

I have to say, I 100% agree that telling your child to shut up is awful and calling them stupid much worse. really bad. (but i have done both in fits of fury....)

Children can tell a lot by a tone of voice FallenMadonna, so that does play a big part in it

Distinguishing the act from th eperson makes a huge difference. Think about it from your point of view, would you rather someone (a colleague/friend) called you stupid in a cross way, or said "what a stupid thing you did".

I'd rather my DS was told that a certain behaviour he did was naughty, rather than just labelling him as naughty. He can distinguish the two.

See that's the thing. I would be pissed off either way. I really started thinking about it when I read a thread about smacking and one poster referred to another's actions as child abuse, and that poster responded, rather crossly, to be called a child abuser, and the fist poster (are you following?!) replied that she had been carefult o labelthe action not the person.

And I thought - if we don't get it, do the children. Really?

first poster. And add/delete spaces where appropriate. Need to stop eating over my keyboard - keys are a bit crumbed up

I think it's a bit different with child abuse accusations!

I'm sure a child can distinguish between "thowing that cup was a naughty thnig to do" and "you naughty boy". In the first case throwing the cup is naughty, hopefully child will learn not to do this again. In the second case, the child thinks oh right, I'm naughty. Ok I will throw the cup again, that's what naughty boys do (and after all, mummy says I'm naughty, she knows everything, she must be right).

It's not really that complex is it?

Hmmm. I'm not saying it isn't easily rationalised. Just that I wonder whether that's how the mind really works.

Well I'd err on the side of caution and label the behaviour just to be on the safe side. Plenty of real life examples of negative labelling becoming self-fulfilling prophesies.

Oh God is this about me in Sainsburys car park?

If so, I know I was really out of order. I shouldn't have gone into a supermarket with 3Dc's after school/ nursery/ work, when we were all tired. I shouldn't have called DD stupid when she refused to follow me to the car.

I have been beating myself up since last night, and it won't happen again.

In isolation from all other influences?

I dunno. I'll continue to view my relationship with my children as a whole I think.

And threaten to eviscerate them as and when required