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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder (setting aside immigration) how the elder care sector can be improved?

116 replies

PrincessSophieFrederike · 07/10/2025 22:55

There's been so much recent coverage of how bad the situation in care homes is. Short-staffed, owners pocketing money that should go to the staff, elder abuse...

I don't want this to be an immigration debate. So setting aside that, what I wonder is how can we improve the care sector? Whatever amount of immigration we have, we will need workers from here as well.

It's very difficult as elder care is just the kind of job for which you need a specific type of person. The government can't just put people in it in some big initiative to get people into work. Two big things that would help would probs be higher pay (and probs deprivatisation of the care sector) & higher prestige, making it a job you train for & can progress in. It's disgusting the comments one can see in discussions (mainly nor here, but elsewhefe) where caseworkers are dismissed as interchangeable bottom-wipers. Our society needs to make changes so they are properly valued.

This ties in to attitudes to old age. I sympathise with people who supported assisted dying due to their personal experiences. But it feels very dangerous for the government to bring this in (even if in a limited way) without better safeguarding for elderly people. If the only government effort to help them is assisted dying, then it gives a disturbing impression...

I noticed that many people who supported assisted dying spoke of terrible experiences with family who had severe & irreversible dementia, & wanted to avoid this. The assisted dying Bill doesn't cover this though ad you need to be of sound mind. Is it not though possible for people to write their wishes down, making clear that if they develop dementia in that way, they don't want to receive excessive treatment? Many families speak of parents who wanted to not be given medication for repeated UTIs & pneumonia if they had severe dementia, but as they hadn't recorded their wishes, medication was repeatedly given. Surely this could be changed in other ways apart from assisted dying bills?

Another issue is at-home care vs care homes. One problem is that lots of elderly people now live further from family- maybe more extended families could help? But this ofc wouldn't change quickly, and would only be possible for people with relatively mild medical needs, or at least not ones which involve potentially dangerous behaviour like dementia. And there's ofc plenty of reasons why people might not want to live with a healthy patent, let alone one needing constant care.

. Some family friends can afford live-in carers for their parents, but obviously this isn't possible for a lot of people. And care agencies can be just as risky as care homes...

TLDR : What can we do to improve care homes, (leaving immigration issues aside)? The main things I can think of are deprivatisation, higher pay &training & status. Also much more stringent checks on quality of homes.

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 09/10/2025 13:25

Kendodd · 08/10/2025 20:20

I know, no easy answers. Personally I think it's more important young children grow up with their mothers, than adult children and elderly parents get to see each other regularly. If I put myself in that position, I would rather see my young children every day and my elderly mother once every two years than see my tiny children once every two years and my very elderly mother every day. I can't see this 'trade' ever going the other way though because we're the ones paying the bill and basically we don't give a shit and the children of the Filipino care worker never seeing their mother.

Shipping someone abroad is not going to do them any good. Imagine being frail, elderly and with dementia and suddenly you’re surrounded by people who don’t speak your language and you never see a familiar face. Never mind the risks of the flight to get them there.

Kendodd · 09/10/2025 15:59

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 09/10/2025 13:25

Shipping someone abroad is not going to do them any good. Imagine being frail, elderly and with dementia and suddenly you’re surrounded by people who don’t speak your language and you never see a familiar face. Never mind the risks of the flight to get them there.

Being surrounded by people you don't know who don't speak your language sounds like a care home in the UK. If shipping our elderly abroad became a thing (don't worry, it won't) the homes would be full of other British residents and staffed by the same staff that would have been working here.
And not doing the elderly any good to ship them across the world (agreed) it doesn't do a two year old any good to separate them for years from their mother either.

5128gap · 09/10/2025 16:23

It needs nationalising.

Seymour5 · 09/10/2025 17:14

LBFseBrom · 09/10/2025 02:46

Don't consider moving into sheltered housing. If you need to downsize, just buy somewhere smaller, you can have an alarm system fitted and bath aids. Retirement complexes are awful places.

Not all of them. My friend has quite recently moved into a new complex, and she is loving it. She has her own flat, but there are also some communal spaces for exercise, socialising, hobbies etc. The flat is really nice, and the service charges are reasonable. She feels secure, which is a big plus for people living alone.

PrincessSophieFrederike · 09/10/2025 19:07

LBFseBrom · 09/10/2025 02:40

You keep on about leaving immigration issues aside and I cannot for the life of me see what immigration has to do with the subject in the first place.

It's up to us to decide what we want to happen to us when we get old, we need to think about while still in our right minds.

Also remember that many elderly people stay quite fit well into old age and don't need care.

I know I don't want to go into a care home, if I am in need of assistance I can have it at home, so can most people if they don't develop dementia which requires 24/7 supervision.

Make time for the elderly people in your life, ensure that they are safe and comfortable. If carers are employed, get to know them so you're satisfied they are kind and do their job properly. Set a good example to your children.

Keep yourself as healthy as you can with good diet and hope for the best.

I mentioned immigration because an obvious issue is whether migrants will continue to be a major source of care workers or whether we will focus on recruiting people already here, or a combination. There's clearly a terrible shortage of workers so it will need to be fixed somehow. As I said, I didn't want this to get sidetracked into an immigration debate, but I thought it should be acknowledged.

OP posts:
taxguru · 09/10/2025 19:11

Like nearly all other businesses these days, we need to stop the profit chasing foreign millionaires/billionaires who own them/finance them. Get back to privately owned homes run by local people. Just like we should get back to locally owned privately owned GP surgeries, dentists, opticians, accountants, solicitors, vets, restaurant chains, retailers, etc. The nationalisation/globalisation of our service industries are ruining the service quality in so many ways - all so the foreign billionaires can pocket even more money!

helpfulperson · 09/10/2025 19:56

Happy9 · 09/10/2025 03:28

You'd be surprised how many people get no visitors dispite having 3 or 4 children, it's heartbreaking because they do know

I agree with this. I used to feel bad that my mum only gets two visits a week, one from me and one from my brother. But soon realised that is two more than some residents get and one more than a lot get.

ruethewhirl · 10/10/2025 00:00

NorthXNorthWest · 08/10/2025 20:10

There’s a fixation with keeping people alive. Just because modern medicine can keep someone’s pulse going and air moving in and out of lungs doesn’t mean it should. People have to die from something.

Will this also be applied to disabled people and those being kept alive by technology and who are unable work?

I worry about this too. Other threads I've read on MN have given me the impression that some people think the economically inactive are dispensible. It's giving off strong dystopia vibes.

(Not talking about anything I've read on this particular thread btw, although I haven't read every single post.)

ruethewhirl · 10/10/2025 00:01

TheFateofOphelia · 08/10/2025 03:07

Less than 10% of people end up needing to go into care homes. Compulsory insurance deducted from the wages of everyone over 40 would fund this. I believe there's a similar scheme in Germany.

And improve our NHS - so it's on a par with France and Scandinavian healthcare. Then people get hip and knee replacements on time to help maintain their independence. Physiotherapy to help rehabilitate after a fall/prevent further falls.

Care workers: lots of people don't want a profession - just a decent contract of employment instead of zero hours, fair pay and paid sick leave.

All of the above.

NorthXNorthWest · 10/10/2025 01:40

ruethewhirl · 10/10/2025 00:00

I worry about this too. Other threads I've read on MN have given me the impression that some people think the economically inactive are dispensible. It's giving off strong dystopia vibes.

(Not talking about anything I've read on this particular thread btw, although I haven't read every single post.)

Sadly I have seen this too.

LBFseBrom · 10/10/2025 03:34

PrincessSophieFrederike · 09/10/2025 19:07

I mentioned immigration because an obvious issue is whether migrants will continue to be a major source of care workers or whether we will focus on recruiting people already here, or a combination. There's clearly a terrible shortage of workers so it will need to be fixed somehow. As I said, I didn't want this to get sidetracked into an immigration debate, but I thought it should be acknowledged.

I get you now, Princess.

I doubt there will enough loca/home grown people wanting to do that sort of work. Some will, some do, as always. My ex neighbour worked as a home carer for many years before retirement, was very good at and enjoyed the work.

What matters is training, quality of care and reliability, and it needs to be monitored. Where the carer hails from doesn't seem relevant as long as they have a good work ethic and do care.

LBFseBrom · 10/10/2025 04:48

Just to add, I've been watching last night's Question Tim on iplayer and much was discussed that was relevant to this thread.

TheFateofOphelia · 10/10/2025 06:53

Allseeingallknowing · 08/10/2025 15:40

Insurance package sounds a good idea, but if you don’t need care in a care home then what happens? Do you get a nice lump sum to pay for holidays, luxuries, a bungalow , live in carer?

It's like any other insurance. You hope you never have to use it.

Like National Insurance Contributions- if you die before State Pension age, you don't get anything.

ScaryM0nster · 10/10/2025 17:24

ruethewhirl · 09/10/2025 12:16

I hear you about the frail 93-year-old with dementia, but what if that 93-year-old is still as sharp as a tack mentally? Presumably you wouldn't be advocating the difficult conversation then?

Not meaning to interrogate you, it's just that I get the feeling you're speaking for an assisted dying agenda where dementia is in the mix (although people in the early stages of dementia can still have quality of life, just saying). If that's the case - and even there I still think it's problematic - presumably your remarks don't extend to elderly people who are simply ill and don't have dementia?

Absolutely would be advocating for the difficult conversation.

You can have that conversation with many different outcomes.

You can also have it with the active, with it 93 year old, so that everyone is clear on how much invasive treatment they want should they have a massive stroke.

You should also have the conversation with your loved ones. For you and for them. Regardless of your current health.

Happy9 · 11/10/2025 00:50

Many people can be kept alive weeks/ years even as a human vegetable, no quality of life, no visitors, in rooms hour after hour, no TV (don't come as standard in every room) people often die and leave tvs that get passed on,
Personally if I can put something in place I'd say no hospital admissions a dnr and don't feed me let me go it's no life, but has to be that person's decision at a time they are capable to make it

hattie43 · 11/10/2025 07:05

secureyourbook · 09/10/2025 12:14

I was chatting to a friend of mine the other day, and we were saying that if we are single/widowed we should move in with our friends when we get old.

I know of so many elderly people who live alone and who don’t have family close by- they could do house shares like students and share costs of cleaners/carers. They’d also have company.

An excellent idea and we are starting to see this . Still doesn’t solve the really advanced years of you can’t take care of yourself though

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