Grandmothers who turned their backs on their grandchildren. Why?

[Familyweirdness]

Ths is a direct question to the grandmothers who have done just this, to try and understand what the hell is wrong with my MIL. She has been no contact with us for over a month now, wants nothing to do with me, her son (my DH) or her 2 beautiful grandchildren. She claims its be because I upload a not very flattering picture of her and her daughter to my social media, I have not uploaded a photo of them at all and have plenty of proof. A number of people have informed her that they haven’t seen such a picture at all but of course she wont believe them and we are all liars . She is my children’s only grandmother and has turned her back on them over something as petty as this! She rather believe her own lies than face the truth! How are there actual women out there who do things like this and call themselves mothers and grandmothers? She is of course playing the victim and poor her!!!

And of course it’s only women who you have an issue with doing this. 🧐

Well my MIL is a woman? I am asking because I want to understand what is wrong with her. This is my situation. My FIL has not turned his back on his grandchildren, nor has my father….If they had I would be asking the same question

Previously to this was she a devoted Granny/ wonderful mil?
If she was I’d be amazed
Sounds Narcissistic behaviour- so in that case , count your blessings and enjoy the rest of your life , with your lovely little family.

Who knows she behaved that way. Perhaps DH may have better insight but it sounds like a lucky escape. Gransnet is eye opening on this topic.

I doubt this is the only reason she feels she can't have a relationship with her family.

My DD is pregnant and I won't be having a relationship with her child. It kills me, but DD has tried to destroy me and for my safety and sanity I've had to walk away.

Its not your correct. She is also being emotionally manipulated by her daughter.

Has she got mental health problems? What is her relationship with your DH like normally? Have there been previous problems?

i have been told by locals over the years to “be careful” she has done this with other family members as well including FIL’s sisters, her own brother and SIL as well.

Where does it say that? Ops experience is with a female so she is asking for advice / perspective from that demographic.

It's not me, but the one gm I know who has done this did it because the kids are so utterly horrible (because their parents never say no to them, and go ballistic if any other family member does). Not saying that's your situation, but if you want a list of all the possible reasons someone might, I guess that's one. I suppose another might be that they just don't like kids (and never did, and realized too late they never should have had their own). What was MIL like as a parent?

I don't think she has turned her back on her grandkids a such she has turned her back on you rightly or wrongly but unfortunately why the children are so young you all come as a package deal. If there is genuinely not more to it why would you want someone like that in your children's lives

You’re not going to get the answer here op. I obviously don’t know your MIL but I know other toxic people and they just won’t acknowledge their own behaviour, never mind admit it on a forum. She has given you a reason, it’s completely messed up but shows you she values her pride over your family. You can’t understand it as you are not like that. Leave her to it. She will come crawling back wanting attention.

Thank you this is the exact feeling of disbelief I have been getting. I cannot fathom how anyone could put their own pride before family. Even though there was no issue of pride to begin with! I dont even know where she got the idea from that I had uploaded an unflattering picture, but myself and DH are quite certain that her DD has planted this seed of doubt in her mind on purpose.

Pretty sure I might if I was treated the way some grandmothers on here are talked about/treated….

Thats fine, but over a non existent photo?

What I would say op is that you are thinking about how you would act and feel and not understanding why. But she's not you, she may honestly just not be bothered and not be feeling any sense of loss.

Why ask why? She wanted a reason and she manufactured one. Thats all you need to know.

I have always been respectful of her and put my own feelings aside to accommodate in-laws. She never did like when I spoke up though or told the truth, like in this situation there is something about the truth that she just does not like.

I guess because i just cannot understand it

Mine isn’t like this but I can imagine my SIL will be like this when she is a GM. In her case it’s because she’s a psycho, plain and simple! She ruins all relationships for no reason, so I’m sure her relationship with her GC will be no different!

Adding to say: in cases like my SIL it’s absolutely no loss when they go NC!

What does her dh/your fil think about the situation? Does he have contact with you and grandchildren?

My MIL ruins all relationships for no good reason as well. She started an argument with her SIL in a graveyard as they were lowering the coffin into the ground once…

My FIL is devastated. He is ashamed of his wife and tells me not to worry, that her mother was exactly the same. He comes up to visit us often.

You didn’t ask my previous question directly , but you say she has form for this.
A lady I knew had 3 children, who went on to have 6 grandchildren. (Lovely children )
she has nothing to do with them - don’t even think she knows of the 6th ones exists.
Many years ago she remarried a man with 2 children
For whatever reason they became her priority.