Grandmothers who turned their backs on their grandchildren. Why?

[Familyweirdness]

Ths is a direct question to the grandmothers who have done just this, to try and understand what the hell is wrong with my MIL. She has been no contact with us for over a month now, wants nothing to do with me, her son (my DH) or her 2 beautiful grandchildren. She claims its be because I upload a not very flattering picture of her and her daughter to my social media, I have not uploaded a photo of them at all and have plenty of proof. A number of people have informed her that they haven’t seen such a picture at all but of course she wont believe them and we are all liars . She is my children’s only grandmother and has turned her back on them over something as petty as this! She rather believe her own lies than face the truth! How are there actual women out there who do things like this and call themselves mothers and grandmothers? She is of course playing the victim and poor her!!!

Well she's the loser in all of this. The DC might wonder why she doesn't visit anymore but it sounds like they're much better off without her. Your Fil sounds lovely, goodness knows why he puts up with her.
My advice is to pretend she doesn't exist.

Yeah, because the poster has said that hasn’t she? Where on earth did you get any inclination that was the case?

Well in that case your children are very very much better off without her in their lives!

Take a bit of time to grieve the lovely kind MIL you wish you had, accept the one you actually have, and then rejoice in the fact that you’re able to keep your kids away from this monster.

So, she sounds mentally unwell and comes from a toxic background.

But yet you expect her to be a fairy godmother style granny? Sounds like that was never on the cards.

No point in getting upset over something that was never going to be.

Its a women's forum 🙄

Because she's a narcissist? She's done you a favour, my mil was a twat, I hated her, manipulative liar, had very little to do with her and glad of it. Nurture your relationships with people that are worth it, and let her fuckiity the fuck off.

Why does she think you uploaded an
unflattering picture of her if you didn’t?
Does she genuinely believe you did? (And if so, how can she believe it?) Or is she just making it up?
I’m confused.

This is what we are all trying to understand but cant. Shes either seen un unflattering picture with someone and has made a genuine mistake thinking i was the one who uploaded it, or (as we think has happened) she hasnt actually seen a picture but SIL has just lied to her and she has been silly enough to run with the lie (sil has been trying for years to get rid of me)

She hates you, so if she has to see the kids she’ll have to see you.

If she is that bad why would you want her in their lives anyway? This makes me think it is more of a game between you 2 rather than her benefiting the children by her presence

A game? What sort if game? Im trying to understand why a grandmother would do that but increasingly becoming aware that myself and my husband and my children are far better off without her, it still doesn’t mean that the situation isnt terribly sad

At some point, you have to stop caring OP. Just accept you won’t ever understand. You’re on a hiding to nothing.

My MIL has fallen out with all her family members and friends over the years, cut them all off for reasons known only to herself. She will never, ever accept that her behaviour is the problem and she’s the common denominator. It’s just not going to happen. And you can’t force your MIL to change or explain herself to you. Stop giving it so much headspace, accept it, move on with your life and concentrate on your children. It’s a better use of your time.

Yes it is sad your children dont have a good relationship with their grandparent but unless she changed overnight she has been who she is for years i presume, worrying about it wont change it

But lile a lot of these stories we only have your version of the relationship

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear. My mil cannot see at all that she falls out with absolutely everyone, its always everyone else’s doing never hers. Perhaps she will realize when there is no one left..

Nope, not even then, in my experience. It’s always someone else’s fault and there’s no self-reflection going on at all. There’s nothing you can do. It’s sad, but it’s also not a problem of your making, and you can’t resolve it. Sometimes there are battles you just can’t win, and it’s not up to you to fight it anyway. If your DH or MIL want to sort it out, leave them to it. But remove yourself from the equation and concentrate on your own family, you’ll feel better for it.

The latest is that shes getting the police on me 😂

I think you've answered your own question if her mother was the same, the apple doesn't usually fall far from the tree...

Interfering siblings. How many PIL who do this have a middle aged child living at home, very likely manipulating the situation.

There's never a clear cut answer, OP. I had a horrific MIL, and I figured out it was because she had a poor childhood with a similar DM. SIL ran away at 16 due to MIL's behaviour. She then got jealous PIL 'liked' me & manipulated MIL into targeting me with abuse. SIL is very similar to MIL, but in a sneakier, manipulative way.

Sadly, MIL only got worse over time. Passed 3 years ago & never once admitted she was wrong. Her funeral was a bunch of family that only came because they felt obligated. She'd fallen out with almost everyone, except the ones that wouldn't take her rubbish, so she was nice as pie to them!! Even lost her longest friends over it.

I learned you just have to look after yourself & accept her views are her choice & not a reflection of you. Move on, and don't engage with her, or the issue. Once she realises you won't pander to her, she'll either start behaving, or become nastier. Either way, if you don't respond but keep boundaries, you'll be happier

her behavior and negativity towards us has deffinatley gotten worse since my husband and his other sister moved out leaving only her with hwrvparents. She and mil go everywhere together (sil uses her basically to fund her life)

Any advice on what you would do in our situation? DH thinks we should get a solicitar involved to put an end to these claims etc… i think thats a bit dramatic and that we should just let the situation be.

A solicitor to do what?
Just block her on everything, ignore and move on. It doesn't need to be this dramatic. If she wants to be a dick, let her be on her own, don't engage with it. She'll soon lose interest if she hasn't got anyone to argue with and you don't pay any attention.
Trust me, I had years of dealing with an extremely difficult FIL, even after we went NC. He would post all sorts on social media about us, calling me a bitch and telling lots of lies. We never responded. Never spoke badly about him to relatives, never mentioned his name in conversations. We just pretended he didn't exist. People would tell me what he said on social media and I'd just smile and say 'oh, never mind' and that was it. He died some time ago now, sadly for him without many family members by his side and without reuniting with his children. You reap what you sow.

Quite what I think :) DH wants to get a solicitor involved because what they are accusing me of willy nilly is actually a criminal offence I dont really care that much and life is quite blisfull without them.

It would be best to stop caring and leave her to it. If your FIL wants to leave her then support him in doing so otherwise I would stop paying her any attention.