How many years is too many?

[momtoboys]

Posting here for traffic.

A friend of a friend who is early 60's, divorced, attractive, very successful has a new girlfriend. She is fairly attractive, seems pleasant. He is doting on her. She is 36 years younger than he is. 😳

Does anyone know a similar situation that has worked out?

I’m early 50s and whilst I have always worked out, have a healthy bmi and look after myself, the realty is my face and body is not the same as it was when I was in my 20s or even my 40s! I cannot understand what a woman in her 20s would find physically attractive in a man in his 60s…

Old enough to be grandad? Do you know many mid 30s grandad parents?

Yeah, pretty much this.

I'm in an age gap relationship (20 years) and I've honestly heard it all.. you'll be alone for decades, you'll end up caring for him etc. But honestly, I've been with him almost a decade now, and I wouldn't have changed the times we've had together for anything. Sometimes you really do have to live for now.

So ?

That is a completely different scenario.

I think if you look at how these things tend to play out IRL the majority of the time, though, there is a massive power imbalance, and that’s often part of the appeal for both parties.

My DF was a university lecturer and serial student-shagger. He wasn’t one of those older men with dashing good looks and sex appeal - he was a fat balding little man with bad dress sense.

The women who became involved with him were invariably very vulnerable, with mental health issues or social impairments that meant they were always looking for validation and reassurance and approval, and felt least anxious when someone was running their lives for them. They were needy and naive - they lapped it up when my dad told them they had a rare and exceptional intellect, they felt flattered when he sought them out.

You don’t get a lot of stable, self confident and powerful women queuing up to spend their carefree early 20s with some grumpy old dude in orthopedic shoes.

My father liked these relationships because he was idolised and never questioned. His students (and later his 3rd wife) liked them because being chosen by an important man made them feel worthy.

They were completely interchangeable and disposable to him though - he only married one of them in the end because my mother left him and he needed someone to do his laundry and prepare his taxes.

I think generally age gaps of more than,say 8 years is too much. Based on a long life of observation.

I knew a man who lost his wife at 58. He and her had been married 40 years and he was devastated his wife had died. His wife knew she was going first and told him things like make sure you get a grave for three, I don’t want you being lonely, if someone loves u half as much as I have for the last 45 years you will be a very happy man.

I think he must of reeked of desperation when he tried to go out the pull, and he was getting despondent. He went out to Malaga with a group, mainly widowers, and he met someone (English) who was 35, with an 18 year old, and the only children she wanted was grandchildren.

Alot took the mickey, probably jealousy, but he is now 80 (party recently) she can’t be far off sixty, they both look really happy, She still works part time, and has studied for promotion (legal secretary) so she’s clearly driven, they holiday a lot, they dine out a lot, they have been on quite a few cruises.

The only ones who are worried by this age gap is the children. She gave her house to her 18 year old, he gave his first married house to his children to sell and buy there own properties, and yet they live in a lovely modest home which is exceptionally well furnished with beautiful objects, food and laughter.

He’s still old enough to be her grandad. It’s just a saying. Have you not heard it before? Either way, he’s a daft old git and she’s probably a gold digger.

Oh! I read it as a friend was in her 60s!

I know some relationships with a very large age gap but they are all older women with younger men. I think it can become very difficult either way and it isn't a choice I'd make for myself to be with someone so much older or younger. However there are times these things do work out.

Of course you can decide what you do or don’t find acceptable behaviour among your own friends. But that didn’t make the relationship itself your business. If you feel it’s grim, that’s fine, and you can choose not to hang out with the couple. But the relationship still doesn’t actually affect you.

I’d also say that when you’re talking about grown adults, age doesn’t necessarily indicate power. But even if it does - some people are attracted to power. And that’s entirely up to them.

I’m pretty sure this younger woman, as an adult, is capable of making her own decisions. If, when I was in my late 20s, someone had told me I didn’t fully understand the implications of my relationship choices, I would have told them to fuck right off and stop patronising me. And I’d have been right to do so. I’m 49 and looking back at myself at 27ish, I was very capable of managing my relationships according to my own wishes and I wasn’t at all naive.

Gives me the ick tbh.
36 years is too large a gap, the older person will almost inevitably age and slow down in their 70s and the gap will seem even bigger.
They are at different stages in their lives, she may have ant children and hes at the age to be a grandparent, they will have different cultural references ie growing up.
I guess it's none of your business but if either were a close relative or friend I probably would say something to them ie if it was my dad or daughter or best friend

This. ^

For the life of me I cannot see why a woman in her late 20s would want to be with a man in his early 60s. I find it quite gross and grim. JMO. Surely it can't last. In 15 years he will be nearly 80, and she will only be just past 40. I mean, just why?

I do know a young woman actually, who is 32 and has been with a man 34 years older than her for 7 years (he is 66. They have been together since 25 and 59) It beggars belief, but she lurves him! 🙄He is a miserable, sour faced bore, who never wants to go anywhere, or go for meals out, or on day trips, or holidays, or anything. He doesn't even talk to her friends, and she has lost virtually all of her friends now. Even the 2 or 3 she still has rarely see her.

Her parents have cut her off (they haven't spoken for 6 years) as they are so disgusted by it, and she just spends her life at work, and with him. No hobbies, no social life, and no contact with any other family. But she says she doesn't need anyone but him. 🙄 He wants no more children (he has been divorced for 25 years, and has a son who is 40 who he has nothing to do with, and he has nothing to do with his ex wife.) So she won't be having any children because HE doesn't want them (thank goodness given his age!) She is giving her best years to him. It's utterly tragic.

I just cannot see what's in it for her, he's not even well off.

Oh so there we have it: Gold-digger and old man happy to exchange resources for access to youth.

Well if it makes them happy….

It's exactly the same, none of these are "grim" or any of your business.

There was a 20 year age difference between Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee and it worked for them!

36 years is a really big gap though … assuming it’s kind of she’s 30 and hes 66 then they are both old enough to know their own minds and what they want. I would be worried if she was 20 and him 56.