To feel pissed off(weight loss issue)

[AutumnLover1989]

A family member has been on a well known weight loss jab for a few months now and lost a lot of weight. I'm overweight too but doing this naturally and very slowly due to a health issue,which means my mobility isn't great most days.

We will go out for a family meal every couple of months and as my family has cut out takeaways etc,when we all go out as a family,I will treat myself and have a dessert for example,as I never normally eat them.

We were all out for a meal yesterday as it was a special occasion.

How do you deal with the loud comments about "being full up","Ooh I can't eat all that(while looking at my plate" etc. Almost performance under eating? It really makes me feel awful.I don't know how else to describe it? It's really getting me down and I did have a cry afterwards. There's no way I could ever afford to pay for these jabs 😢

Ah, @Bambamhoohoo , it's a shame isn't in when you realise that friends or relatives aren't as nice as you perhaps thought they were.

I am formerly obese, and would not dream of thinking or saying anything like that. So perhaps that redresses the balance in a very tiny way.

@AutumnLover1989 perhaps you could say a bit more about whether you think this family member is trying to be deliberately unkind to you, or if they are being a bit clumsy and insensitive?

Maybe they don't realise it's coming across as competitive and mean?

I'm on Wegovy and went out for a roast yesterday. I ate half the meat, 2 spuds and a Yorkshire pudding. I definitely made a few comments to DH about how I couldn't possibly eat another mouthful and how full I was, but that wasn't a boast, it was just a reflection that I would have eaten the entire thing and my sons leftovers a few months ago. In fact, I did say to him it's taken the joy out of it really because stuffing my face full of roast potatoes is my favourite past time.

Is it possible you're just being a bit sensitive, because as you say you can not afford to lost weight the easy way, with the jabs?

There are plenty of competitive undereaters on Mumsnet - tell her to go and bore them.

Unless someone is about to poison themselves unknowingly, it's best not to comment on what other people are eating.

Unless someone is about to poison themselves unknowingly, it's best not to comment on what other people are eating.

I don't agree with this at all.

It's perfectly normal in a restaurant to discuss the food, the decor, the wine, even the toilets if they happen to be particularly nice.

Not everyone is so hung up about food that they don't want others to mention it.

And in a restaurant of all places!

@AutumnLover1989 I would have told her that :"Ofcourse you can't eat much because you're on a weight loss jab that suppresses your appetite. You're not getting a diploma for not having dessert since it's not even a choice in your case. While I make choices every day and this time I'm having dessert."

“How’s your gallbladder these days, Liz?” If she’s losing loads in a short amount of time then she might want to be careful about her gallbladder. Not everyone has problems but it’s a known potential problem for fast weight loss.

It's perfectly normal in a restaurant to discuss the food, the decor, the wine, even the toilets if they happen to be particularly nice.

Exactly @FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear It's a completely normal conversation to have at the dinner table in a restaurant, when confronted with a dessert menu. "Oh no, I'm so full up" "I couldn't eat another thing" etc etc and there's nothing wrong with that.

If it affects you, then that's a YOU problem. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much?

Again, louder for the people in the back - not having a dessert after dinner in a restaurant doesn't make you an undereater. Far from it. I do wish people would stop accusing others of undereating because it makes themselves feel better about their own eating.

It's not competitive under eating. It's touching a nerve as you know that you shouldn't be having desserts on a diet.

Sounds like you’re over sensitive about the fact you aren’t on the WLI. It’s just a fact that you do feel full after a very small portion of food and you probably can’t eat a pudding when you’re on them because you’ll feel physically sick if you try.

if someone said “oh why aren’t you eating” and she said she was full - that’s not a reflection on you or your choices either

I've asked on a few different threads now and still haven't been told how or who it's cheating. Using WLI to lose weight in a way that's not been possible for me for a long time is no more cheating than wearing my contacts so I don't walk in to things.
OP, without having heard the tone it's hard to know if she's getting digs in or just making factual statements about how she feels full. I've probably mentioned feeling full when eating out a few times, but mostly to make it clear that the food isn't at fault when I've not finished.
I'd treat it as the latter either way though. If she is being mean then don't give her the satisfaction of seeing that it's landed. Just give it a breezy 'oh that's a shame for you' and move the conversation on.

I had weight loss surgery a couple of years ago. Sometimes I can eat a meal normally and sometimes I can barely eat. I don't like it when people comment on how much I'm eating, so I completely ignore all comments from other people about appetite and portion size.

I see it in other people after WLS who are fucking obsessed with posting pictures of their meals on a tea saucer and telling other people they couldn't possibly ever eat as much as they do. It smacks of insecurity and needing constant validation and is boring as fuck.

Stop comparing yourself and your weight loss to your family member. You're different people doing it in different ways. You don't need to berate her method as some other posters have rather bitchily suggested, but pay her little mind. She's courting for attention and the best way of managing that is to just not care.

She sounds like an utter twat. Vote with your feet and don't go out with her again.

Who is arranging these meals?

It's really not anyone else to decide who should be having dessert or not

well no, each to their own. But be prepared for others to think you aren't taking dieting seriously if you are swallowing empty calories.

But where has OP mentioned that she talks about her diet? The family member was just spouting off on her own volition.

I'm dieting at the moment due to doctor's orders and I hate talking about it. I prefer to plod on in silence and then amaze everyone with a 'ta-dah!'.

@Bambamhoohoo not dissimilar to lottery winners who have never had much turning into complete tasteless , classless fuckwits and ‘loadsamoney’

Agreed 👆

I know plenty of folks on the jabs and they don't do performative under-eating, they just don't seem driven by food as much. Quite a few of them seem to keeping it under wraps too. Your family member may be performatively under-eating, but you may also be a tad sensitive to her (possibly benign) comments because perhaps you would like some (medicated) help with the weight loss and you are struggling with the food noise?

I think the context was missed.

Don't talk about what they're eating, how much, how little, whether it's healthy, etc. Assume that they're choosing what to eat, and it's none of your business unless they say otherwise.

But where has OP mentioned that she talks about her diet? The family member was just spouting off on her own volition.

@nomas there is nothing in the OP's post to suggest that the other person was "spouting off", they simply commented that they were full.

There is zero to suggest anyone was doing anything wrong other than OP being over-sensitive and likely to be reading something into the situation that didn't exist.

The fact that she's got herself so upset about this, is her issue. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's guilt, who knows as she's disappeared but anyone who takes issue with someone announcing they are full needs to take a look at themselves and their own issues with food.

If you seriously don't know that when someone orders a dessert at a restaurant, you don't look at their plate and say "Ooh I can't eat all that (while looking at their plate" and other things like that repeatedly, then you really shouldn't be eating out with others.

Neither should you be eating out with others if you're that over-sensitive. It's normal for people to making passing comments like that, whether you like it or not. It rarely means anything other than the person who is saying it wouldn't/couldn't eat it. Only OP takes it as a dig because she's feeling self-conscious about eating dessert when she's on a diet.

She's showing off, pure and simple. "Isn't it great that I can afford these jabs and never feel hungry, and you can't afford them and have to have a pudding?" Anyone with an ounce of decency would just quietly pass on the dessert and say no more.
But, fuck her. You will carry on losing weight and reach the same place in the end, and the bonus is you won't have spent £1000s on jabs.

We had a work colleague like this. All she would talk about on a meal out was how little appetite she had. It was desperately dull.

I've been every size. I was thin most of my life. I either ate pudding or didn't, I never felt the need to remind everyone I simply could eat more than a few mouthfuls at any meal.

It's really poor etiquette for starters.

A simple "I don't fancy pudding but I am happy if others do" is sufficient. If I don't want pudding I tend to order a black coffee or sparkling water so people feel I am having something and don't feel rushed

And don't feel bad for having pudding when out for a meal. Dieting doesn't mean living off lentils and spinach the whole time.