To ask DH to come to my gay friend's party?

[zriti]

My best friend is a gay man. His husband and my husband also know each other as they played in the same football club up until about 2-3 years ago.

Friend is hosting an early halloween party at his house. He said it will be about 80% gay men and the other 20% will be straight couples. So far, he's said he's found it disappointing that the only noes he's been getting for the party have been from straight couples, usually where the female member can come, but the husband or boyfriend cannot.

I asked DH if he was going to come and he said he wasn't sure. I pushed him on why he didn't want to come and he told me he wasn't sure if he felt comfortable in going.

Reassure him that he's not that attractive.

Does he think he's going to catch gay by going to a party? What is it that makes him feel uncomfortable? I'd make him say it out loud.

He doesn’t feel comfortable so why push it? Surely he gets to decide what he wants to do?

If i dont want to go to one of my husbands friends events I say no thank you when asked i dont need to give a reason or need to questioned as to why, i wouldn't do that to him no means no

Does he not like Halloween parties? Or is it because he is homophobic?

Ask him to explain why.
Does he think being gay is catching?
Is he so full of himself he thinks he will be fighting all the men off?

Why would i need to say why if i dont want to go to something

Not wanting to go to a party because he doesn't like parties or he just doesn't fancy it is fair enough.
Not wanting to go because hes uncomfortable around gay people, I'd be very disappointed in him.

If it was because you’re actually homophobic then your spouse has a right to know that about you.

@zriti
Your husband is uncomfortable socialising with gay men. Homophobia. That’s what it is.

I agree with my friend that it is just quite strange that it is only his heterosexual friends who aren't able to make it - almost as if a lot of people are less comfortable with being around gay people than they like to admit

And we found the homophobe of the thread.

Well I'd ask because if I was in a relationship with someone homophobic I'd want to know.
It would change the way I feel about them.

A gay. Seriously?

It kind of depends on what he's like and what your best friend is like. Do they have anything in common aside from loving you?

If it's going to be very camp, drag-queen-y and over the top and that's not your husband's idea of fun, that's ok. Some people love that, some people hate it.
My DP turns down invitations to themed parties or fancy dress parties because he just hates them and feels awkward. I turn down gaming parties for the same reason.

If it's because he feels awkward being in the minority as a heterosexual bloke around women and gay men, that's pretty flimsy and he can get over himself.

If it's because he's uncomfortable around gay men, he's a homophobe.

Is it Halloween? I feel like most hetro men don't love Halloween or dress up at the best of times, compound that with being in the minority where everyone else is on it?

Has your friend had a party before where dh wouldn't go?

So he has to to show people he is not homophobic yet he can still go and be homophobic

There is no way a woman would be interrogated like this

Is it because of the guests or simply because he doesn’t like Halloween parties?

I wouldn’t be able to get my husband to a Halloween party regardless of the guest list.

Yuk. how homophobic is he?!?! This would be immediate ick for me.

Since your best friend is gay, surely it has come up before whether or not your husband is “comfortable” around gay people??

I don’t really like Halloween or fancy dress, so if a friend of DH’s was throwing this party, I’d be reluctant regardless of sexuality. If it was my friend I’d be more likely to just go.

Some gays can be overly annoying and self absorbed and touchy

Wtaf did you just write.

The last time I hung out with straight men who were "uncomfortable" being around gay men was in university, and even in the early 2000s I knew that was red flag (not just romantically but in terms of who I wanted in my social circle).

You can tell a lot about heterosexual men by their attitude towards gay men. If being around gay men is an issue for them - they're actually the issue.

Ask him why he's uncomfortable going to a party with gay people and what he thinks would happen?

The only thing less appealing than a fancy dress party is an insecure, homophobic person.

Haha, quite!!!
I worked with my friend (who is gay and married) for years and being a large organisation, a lot didn't know he was gay. Why would they? Anyway, the security guard found out one day while he was in our office and saw a photo of friend and his husband. He was visibly horrified and said 'I won't be bending over in front of him!'. Security guard had managed to work alongside friend for 7 years without suddenly getting assaulted. I did say that friend wouldn't be remotely interested in you! The ego of a very unattractive, years older than friend man thinking that because he has a penis, gay men will be flocking around forcing gayness onto him 😂