Page 2 | To ask DH to come to my gay friend's party?

zriti · 2025-10-06T09:41:20+00:00

My best friend is a gay man. His husband and my husband also know each other as they played in the same football club up until about 2-3 years ago. Friend is hosting an early halloween party at his house. He said it will be about 80% gay men and the other 20% will be straight couples. So far, he's said he's found it disappointing that the only noes he's been getting for the party have been from straight couples, usually where the female member can come, but the husband or boyfriend cannot. I asked DH if he was going to come and he said he wasn't sure. I pushed him on why he didn't want to come and he told me he wasn't sure if he felt ^comfortable^ in going.

Mischance · 06/10/2025 11:07

Worriedalltheday · 06/10/2025 10:43

He doesn’t feel comfortable so why push it? Surely he gets to decide what he wants to do?

Exactly.

Tillow4ever · 06/10/2025 11:07

Do you have a straight couple of friends that you could tell him have invited you to a Halloween party and ask if he wants to go to that? His answer will tell you whether he is homophobic or if his answer is acceptable. If he doesn’t want to go to either party because he feels uncomfortable, I’d assume it’s the Halloween theme that’s the issue, and I’d go alone to my gay friends party. If he leaps at the other party invitation, I would ask him outright why he was ok with that one but not the first invite. I’d then tell him the second party isn’t happening, you wanted to see if he was homophobic or not. Then once you know, you need to decide what you are doing with that knowledge. Are you happy to continue to remain married to a homophobic man? Your BEST FRIEND is gay - how will he feel if you stay in a relationship with someone so openly homophobic? Your friend is important to you, so your husband should be at the very least polite and tolerant of them, regardless of sexuality. I would expect that of any partner with my best friend.

PollyBell · 06/10/2025 11:11

AbstractReflections · 06/10/2025 11:02

Ask him why he's uncomfortable going to a party with gay people and what he thinks would happen?

Well the op has a 'gay friend' so to the op the most relevant bit appears to be them being gay, that comes acts homophobic itself

gannett · 06/10/2025 11:12

Tillow4ever · 06/10/2025 11:07

Do you have a straight couple of friends that you could tell him have invited you to a Halloween party and ask if he wants to go to that? His answer will tell you whether he is homophobic or if his answer is acceptable. If he doesn’t want to go to either party because he feels uncomfortable, I’d assume it’s the Halloween theme that’s the issue, and I’d go alone to my gay friends party. If he leaps at the other party invitation, I would ask him outright why he was ok with that one but not the first invite. I’d then tell him the second party isn’t happening, you wanted to see if he was homophobic or not. Then once you know, you need to decide what you are doing with that knowledge. Are you happy to continue to remain married to a homophobic man? Your BEST FRIEND is gay - how will he feel if you stay in a relationship with someone so openly homophobic? Your friend is important to you, so your husband should be at the very least polite and tolerant of them, regardless of sexuality. I would expect that of any partner with my best friend.

Exactly. I'd add that I'm not sure if the OP has kids or plans to have kids with her husband, but it's also not acceptable for him to be "uncomfortable" around gay men if there's a chance he'll have to parent a gay son (or lesbian daughter).

Ellie1015 · 06/10/2025 11:32

I cant be bothered with costume party. Loved it when I was younger, too much effort now. Also Halloween is a big night for my own kids so have lifts for my teen and guising for younger one so we are busy.

Would your dh go to a party for your gay friend if it was not a costume party? Ie is not comfortable/cant be bothered dressing up? Or is he not comfortable at any time.

LunaMay · 06/10/2025 12:19

What kind of dress up are we talking here... is he thinking its gonna be like a pride parade?