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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up on chronically late friend?

37 replies

NotQuiteUsual · 06/10/2025 10:03

I'm sat in wetherspoons on my own and will be for the next 20 minutes. Because despite telling her when my bus would be in she's not bothered to get to me on time. It's already half an hour after our agreed meeting time. So it'll be nearly a hour by the time she gets here.

This is far from an isolated event. She is constantly late. It feels so disrespectful. As well as some other questionable behaviour from her. I have severe mental health difficulties and getting out is really hard for me. I also can only manage a few hours out the house before I need to leave somewhere. She knows all this. But just doesn't seem to acknowledge it. Writing this all out I think iabu to continue to let her waste my time.

So mumsnet wibu to give up on this time waster?

OP posts:
Titasaducksarse · 06/10/2025 10:07

I'd wait until she arrives, let her order then get up and go saying how you've already been sat there an hour and now have things to do.

Hankunamatata · 06/10/2025 10:09

There's two ways I handle this type

Either I go to their home in future. Or if arranging to meet I will make sure im doing something else - like shopping in town etc and expect them to be an hour later than I told them

Danioyellow · 06/10/2025 10:10

Fuck that. She doesn’t care enough about you to give a shit. I’d leave now. I wouldn’t the point in continuing the friendship and today would be a waste of time, you’re already annoyed

TheSwarm · 06/10/2025 10:13

I can't stand chronic lateness, I had friends like that who were late for everything. Coming to visit us? Oh, we're running late. Meeting for dinner? Oh, sorry, the traffic was really bad.

Just bin her off.

mondaytosunday · 06/10/2025 10:14

I’d tell her if she’s not at any rendezvous within 15 minutes of the agreed time you are leaving. As you know when she’s coming today then she must have been in contact. I would have replied ‘don’t bother I’ve got things to do I can’t wait any longer’.

MsSmartShoes · 06/10/2025 10:14

my husband is always late - so I tell
him that I need him half an hour earlier than I really do.

AC246 · 06/10/2025 10:14

I would be gone. Not a chance I would tolerate this.
Let her turn up to you gone.

DinoLil · 06/10/2025 10:14

I'd leave and don't message her.

Why is her time any more important than yours?

randomchap · 06/10/2025 10:16

Assuming she is neuro typical then she's extremely rude.

I'd not continue with this friendship.

Achewyhamster · 06/10/2025 10:23

I once had a friend (well,hes more dps mate) show up 9 and a half hours late (we where doing him a favour)

He's never been on time in his life and I find it bloody disrespectful

I pity his poor girlfriend who gave birth to one child,he got two dogs and she has to deal with them and him

In his case I think it's undiagnosed adhd but that's no help when you've wasted your evening waiting for him

MyOliveStork · 06/10/2025 10:25

Go home now, if you are feeling that fed up about the friendship. I think that’s what I would do.

LemonLeaves · 06/10/2025 10:35

MyOliveStork · 06/10/2025 10:25

Go home now, if you are feeling that fed up about the friendship. I think that’s what I would do.

Agree - this is what I'd do. Consistent and persistent lateness is rude.

Wakeuplittlebunnies · 06/10/2025 10:36

If you’re neurodiverse and not a child then it is also rude. You know your limitations act accordingly.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 06/10/2025 10:40

Yeah I would leave

I was in this situation once. I've also been the unreliable friend due to my mh.

Yanbu at all, especially with all you have on! She may have problems or she may just be busy and forgetful. Either way, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness and she isn't doing that.

Take yourself home and have a little sweet treat and watch This Morning with your feet up. When she asks why, tell her just how hard it was for you to get out today, and that you're feeling let down. xx

(Or you probably would watch something else as I do have horrific taste in tv)

Laserwho · 06/10/2025 10:41

I had this once when my kids where younger. We would agree to meet up at a set time which would be enough time for lunch then I would pick up my children from school. Friend constantly late. The last time was when she was arriving when I was leaving to pick up my kids. She called me rude. Never spoke to her again after that.

Davros · 06/10/2025 10:41

I would just leave. Don’t arrange to see her again and don’t try to manage her behaviour by telling her an earlier time or planning to do something else before meeting

PensionMention · 06/10/2025 10:42

I would not put up with that.

MIL is chronically late, it’s a family joke, including extended family. I despise it, does she have some kind of undiagnosed condition ? No idea.

She has to travel 200 miles I stopped waiting for her to eat our evening meal, she often arrives around 11pm. Once she was supposed to arrive at 4pm, she rang to say she was just leaving.

SIL said getting MIL to be on time for mine and DH wedding was her greatest achievement in life.

We do not invite her to certain things, she lives right by Legoland. When we took the kids we could have stayed with her and I’m sure she would liked to have come. We stayed in a hotel and didn’t tell her.

It’s reached peak now as it’s DS graduation. DH, DS and myself without discussion all agreed getting her to an early ceremony as it’s 10am would be miserable. So she isn’t invited.

FOJN · 06/10/2025 10:45

Just leave. There is no way I would wait nearly an hour for someone who was habitually late. It's just rude.

IsawwhatIsaw · 06/10/2025 10:49

Leave and wait to see if she contacts you.
life is too short for time wasters.

ILikeBigBookssandIcannotlie · 06/10/2025 10:51

I had a friend who was nearly always late. She was always so casual about it, didn't even apologise, found it funny.

Then one time it was me that was running late because I got stuck in traffic and she got really cross about it and was ringing every five minutes asking where I was.

I realised she just valued her time so much more than mine.

It's a really selfish character trait

Trickabrick · 06/10/2025 10:52

I’d leave and be prepared to lose the friendship over it.

ILikeBigBookssandIcannotlie · 06/10/2025 10:54

randomchap · 06/10/2025 10:16

Assuming she is neuro typical then she's extremely rude.

I'd not continue with this friendship.

Neurotypical or not we can all find strategies to be on time if we respect the people we are meeting

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 06/10/2025 10:54

Sorry for not replying. She arrived a bit quicker than expected. I think after the conversation has revolved almost entirely around her I'm prepared to loose the friendship. It's a shame because she is a nice person, she's just so in her own bubble she's selfish without trying to be.

OP posts:
SJM1988 · 06/10/2025 10:55

My best friend is always late (although never more than half hour or so). I always make sure I either plan that into my timings or have something else to do which I wait for her.

Depends if you want to keep or lose the friendship on what you do.

Dopeydoraz · 06/10/2025 10:56

randomchap · 06/10/2025 10:16

Assuming she is neuro typical then she's extremely rude.

I'd not continue with this friendship.

So it’s not rude if she’s neuro diverse? What if there is an as yet undiscovered condition that explains chronic lateness? And what if there’s another as yet undiscovered condition of neurotic responses to mild lateness? How can we decide what is rude and what isn’t?

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