To give up on chronically late friend?

[NotQuiteUsual]

I'm sat in wetherspoons on my own and will be for the next 20 minutes. Because despite telling her when my bus would be in she's not bothered to get to me on time. It's already half an hour after our agreed meeting time. So it'll be nearly a hour by the time she gets here.

This is far from an isolated event. She is constantly late. It feels so disrespectful. As well as some other questionable behaviour from her. I have severe mental health difficulties and getting out is really hard for me. I also can only manage a few hours out the house before I need to leave somewhere. She knows all this. But just doesn't seem to acknowledge it. Writing this all out I think iabu to continue to let her waste my time.

So mumsnet wibu to give up on this time waster?

Did you say anything to her about her behaviour?

It is just as extremely rude she's neurodiverse as well

There can be genuine reasons, but these are rare.
she doesn’t care enough to not keep you waiting.
i had a friend who was very relaxed around timekeeping, it was like it was below her to bother about being punctual.
we meet maybe once a year now, she’s an acquaintance

Lots of us have adhd and aren’t on meds and manage to not be so inconsiderate and rude as to leave our friends waiting hours for us!!! There is zero excuse!

SIL said getting MIL to be on time for mine and DH wedding was her greatest achievement in life

SIL sounds like a good egg

If you have severe mental health difficulties, a chronically late friend isn't helpful. Could you arrange the meeting up places to suit you more I wonder? Like in a cafe and don't wait for her to order, you can order a cappuccino or something while she eats or at a bookshop you wanted to look in or something. Or do any online shopping you want to do while you are waiting. But ya, if you're not ok with it and it's happening all the time its understandable. You could meet her less and stress you need her to be on time, that you need to be gone by a certain time or something

I've had similar. It was "ok" for him to be late but not for me. He lived 5 minutes away so no traffic, etc

We're no longer friends because I got fed up of waiting around for him and being moaned at for being 2 minutes late

Why would you bend your life to accommodate this?

This is my attitude

I work with colleagues who have adhd and they seem to have set-ups that help them get to work on time

With this bloke it's everyone making excuses for him

'Hehe hehe,it's his adhd!you know what hes like!'

Well,no i don't

It's disrespectful and rude,that day id been wake for 18 hours and I was on my knees,ready for bed

All he had to do is leave his house on time,walk the 45 minutes to ours,have a coffee/chat and go home again

He got chatting to God knows who on the way,stopped at the shop and this took 9 and a half hours apparently

It's not an excuse,if his girlfriend had known,she said she would have come instead,but as far as she knew he'd set off half an hour later than we'd agreed and he came home after she'd gone to bed

I wouldn't put up with it but she seems to

Definitely. Life is too short to waste time and energy on entitled people.

I put a mate on notice after I had ordered and eaten my lunch and she was yet to get in the car and leave. At least an hour or so she arrived after me and I was livid. Never met again and distanced myself from her.

I have severe ADHD and am probably on the autistic spectrum. I do have a tendency to be chronically late so I put things in place to mitigate this. My diary always has my hair appointments saved as 15 minutes earlier than they usually are but I'm so forgetful I'm never sure if I've remembered to do that so aim to get there at least when I've noted the appt time.

I know I'm chronically late so if I'm meeting friends I aim to get there early because I also know that arriving late is fucking selfish and tells them that my time is more important than there's (it isn't)

I value my friendships and hope to demonstrate that by arriving on time!