Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this "wedding pianist" is unbelievably rude?

1000 replies

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 19:49

We are getting married in April and have found a lovely venue which allows us to source music ourselves. I looked around options locally and they all charge a fortune for 5-6 hour packages which we don't really need - just someone to play a few tunes as guests arrive and during and after the ceremony, nice and quiet, nothing complicated.

A friend told me about a friend of hers who plays for weddings sometimes, not as a full time career because she does other music work too. So I got in touch with her, mentioned my friend's name, said what I wanted and asked for a quote. She came back to me with £220!! For a couple of hours piano playing! Surely this is money for old rope.

I wrote back and said I thought it was a little on the steep side and this is where the rudeness comes in. She actually messaged me back and said I should start taking lessons now myself and in ten years I'll be as good as her and can play for my next wedding! AIBU to think that this is extremely unprofessional and also a very unpleasant way to communicate with prospective customers?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:30

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 05/10/2025 22:28

Newly qualified solicitors can expect starting salaries of at least £45,000 and in London up to £90,000.

The OP is one of the most rude and ridiculous AIBUs I've seen in a long time.

Show quote history

I think Shuggles might be the husband-to-be, or the mother of the bride, they are all over the place trying anything and everything to dodge and weave in effort to ignore the simple reality that the pianist was actually being fair and the rate she was asking was very reasonable.

Absentosaur · 05/10/2025 22:30

#TeamPianist

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2025 22:30

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 20:20

But she's not a professional "wedding pianist"! Is my point! She does other things too!

As far as I gather she plays in all sorts of places. This is a nice venue and we are nice people and I was not expecting to be spoken to so rudely. At all! Making personal remarks about my relationship, is not on. I think she was insecure because I called her out.

Show quote history

But she IS a professional musician... That's the very definition of a professional musician 'playing all over the place to a high standard '!!

Also you're not her 'mate'... Abd you essentially want her to 'give you' 150£ of her fee to play at her wedding for a £100.

By playing for these rates she would lost the opportunity cost of earning 250£ elsewhere!! I mean why would she do that 😂😂

Nevereatcardboard · 05/10/2025 22:31

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 20:09

I was thinking maybe £100, £150? Mate's rates ;)

It's not like she does this all the time and it's a lot of money for two hours work. More than I pay a plumber LOL, and they cost enough.

Show quote history

Maybe you can ask your plumber to play the piano instead of her?

Teampianistrules · 05/10/2025 22:31

Happyjoe · 05/10/2025 22:28

Lol, am new to MN so missed that, but that sounded fun!

Show quote history

It’s in mumsnet classics. Have a look around, totally worth it if you can find it.

I really should go to sleep but this has been worth staying up late for. Night all!

Biskieboo · 05/10/2025 22:31

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:20

2500 people and counting have told you that you have utterly embarrassed yourself and are a skinflint Bridezilla.

Time to accept this and not cling to the one or two skinflints like yourself who are propping up your entitlement :)

Show quote history

No no; it's all those 2500 people, every professional musician, and all the people that are prepared to pay their going rate as determined by the market that are wrong. The OP plus the one person that she's latched on to are right and now all the OP needs to do is find a professional pianist that actually agrees with her and she's golden.

RejoiceandSing · 05/10/2025 22:31

tequilam0ckingbird · 05/10/2025 22:13

Private piano lessons for 10 years (£££) after school
Hours of practice in evenings and weekends
probably a diploma in music (Grade 8 does not mean you're professional level)
Daily practice to maintain skill and repertoire practice

Clearly not the same as professional accountancy or whatever. Do accountants study accountancy daily? Did they have private accountancy lessons each week? Did they study accountancy for 10 years? Did they painstakingly work their way through their accountancy levels, taking an exam each year for 10 years before going to accountancy school?

Do they continue to study accountancy for an hour daily?
Do people want to pay to watch them do accounts at weddings? Do people like to watch accountants number crunch in restaurants?

And a degree! Professional musicians will almost all have a conservatoire degree, probably in addition to a DipABRSM or an LRSM/ FRSM.

LeticiaMorales · 05/10/2025 22:31

OP: do you understand the difference between someone doing a job, and someone creating a musical performance for the purpose of entertainment?.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 05/10/2025 22:32

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:30

I think Shuggles might be the husband-to-be, or the mother of the bride, they are all over the place trying anything and everything to dodge and weave in effort to ignore the simple reality that the pianist was actually being fair and the rate she was asking was very reasonable.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, I thought something similar to this. 😆

WarrenTofficier · 05/10/2025 22:32

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:22

@Another76543 £57k is not unreasonably high for some one who has trained for years in their profession. There are graduate jobs offering higher salaries than that.

£57k is a very high salary and is within the higher tax bracket. For reference by the way, £57k is generally equivalent to band 8 in the NHS.

Graduate jobs offering higher salaries than that would be extremely unusual and exceptional. Someone with a PhD in a STEM field for example would most likely be looking at starting on £30k.

Edited

But a jobing musician changing £220 for a gig won't be earning £57k a year because she wouldn't have another 2 or 3 jobs that day. Or jobs in the time she is learning pieces for the OP or the time she is consulting with the OP to agree the music. A jobbing musician will have a handful of jobs a week because who is looking for a pianist to play at 9.00am on a Tuesday morning? Demand is focused on a few specific hours on a few specific days of the week.

Marylou2 · 05/10/2025 22:32

Surely you're joking here? 😳 I'm embarrassed for you.

Nandina · 05/10/2025 22:32

I don't believe someone actually thought a musician would play at their wedding for £100.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/10/2025 22:33

PS i don't think she was 'insecure', just pig sick of 'nice' people wanting to have 50% of her usual rate...as they are a friend of a friend.

Also musicians don't usually drop their rates as it's a nice venue 😂😂

EmeraldPebble · 05/10/2025 22:33

Good for her! YABU to say it’s steep - it isn’t tbh, but it’s cheeky of you. She didn’t say anything out of order!

Octonaut4Life · 05/10/2025 22:33

The thing that you don't seem to be getting though is that if she is performing at your wedding that day, even only for an hour or two, it's unlikely that she can take any other gigs for the rest of the day unless she got very lucky with another one nearby that didn't clash. So the price has to cover the opportunity cost of going to play at your wedding and not somewhere else for longer. Plus if she plays at weddings and events these are mostly weekends so there is actually not that many opportunities for her to make money from performance so she has to maximise it. It's a perfectly reasonable rate.

Christmascakeforbreakfast · 05/10/2025 22:34

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:30

I think Shuggles might be the husband-to-be, or the mother of the bride, they are all over the place trying anything and everything to dodge and weave in effort to ignore the simple reality that the pianist was actually being fair and the rate she was asking was very reasonable.

Edited
Show quote history

The main point is, she can charge what the fuck she likes. She runs her own business. Capitalism, innit.

ProfessionalPirate · 05/10/2025 22:34

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:04

@Biskieboo Presumably you'd think the training I did as a solicitor is 'no more special' than that required for any other job, and yet I seem to be able to charge considerably more than even a pianist for my time.

If you're earning more than £220 a day, then you're not representative of skilled workers. As I said, most skilled workers earn a lot less than £220 a day.

You keep saying ‘skilled workers’ but it seems you are really just referring to trades and similar, like the plumber mentioned by the OP. Do you really think these jobs are comparable to a professional pianist?

illsendansostotheworld · 05/10/2025 22:34

Teampianistrules · 05/10/2025 22:25

The OP’s posts are killing me. Best thread I’ve read in years. Almost as good as the people are having sex in my hedge one.

Wish I could be a fly on the wall at this matrimonial extravaganza.

I love a wedding thread especially when there is a bridezilla involved!

Nothankyou2025 · 05/10/2025 22:34

Biskieboo · 05/10/2025 22:31

No no; it's all those 2500 people, every professional musician, and all the people that are prepared to pay their going rate as determined by the market that are wrong. The OP plus the one person that she's latched on to are right and now all the OP needs to do is find a professional pianist that actually agrees with her and she's golden.

Show quote history

2500+ and climbing by the second :)

Somehow, I do not think OP will listen to the old adage "When sick people tell you that you're sick, lie down".

Bumblebee72 · 05/10/2025 22:34

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 21:17

Exactly, thank you! Everybody works! I work and I certainly don't get paid £220 an hour for it.

Show quote history

I believe the normal MN response in these situations is to ask if you could retrain or may be take in ironing to increase your salary.

Cursula · 05/10/2025 22:35

I’ve just arrived to this thread, so have also read all OP’s responses.
A couple of tunes on arrival, and during, and after, is a few hours and very non-specific. £220 is a bargain. Particularly as OP is a nightmare booker - this lack of accuracy of requirement is always going to make a quote difficult to provide.
@Bamsmam you were unbelievably rude and need to adjust your unrealistic expectations. Oh, and I realise you think you are not U but you really are.

shuggles · 05/10/2025 22:35

@TheLemonPeach on which planet is 57k a "very high salary"?

£57k is within the higher tax bracket and would be within the top 15% of salaries.

If you do not think £57k is a high salary, then you are out of touch with reality. Mosty professionals would not be earning that money.

mumbun12345 · 05/10/2025 22:35

Live musicians are a luxury. £220 is very reasonable and you won’t be able to find a professional worth having for any less than that (I am a pro musician myself)

There is a company called Music Students for Hire that are cheaper but you will have an inexperienced and less able student playing for you rather than a pro.. Your choice as you only get one shot on your wedding day.

other option is a lovely piano playlist on Spotify!

wishing you all the best for a lovely day whatever you choose :-)

Cosyblankets · 05/10/2025 22:36

You'd be paying for what she knows
Not what she does
It's a decent price

Tigergirl80 · 05/10/2025 22:37

Bamsmam · 05/10/2025 20:09

I was thinking maybe £100, £150? Mate's rates ;)

It's not like she does this all the time and it's a lot of money for two hours work. More than I pay a plumber LOL, and they cost enough.

Show quote history

Mates rates? You don’t even know her she’s a friend of a friend. My ex was a tradesman he used to get really annoyed when people assumed he would do it cheaper just because they knew him or me. Even had 1 assume he would do it for free because he knew her mum and stepdad.🙄

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.