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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish MIL would either stick to what I ask for or stop asking me when crafting?

26 replies

WoodlandQuilt · 05/10/2025 19:34

I know I’m going to sound super bratty and ungrateful here, but here goes. My MIL loves crafting and especially for DS. He’s getting ready to move into his own room (finally night weaned at 18 months) so she said she wanted to make him a quilt and matching cushion and asked me what I wanted. Every time she’s asked me to pick fabrics for something she doesn’t stick to it and puts in some other fabrics as well and I didn’t want to spend ages being involved in this for her to go rogue anyway so I said that we were grateful for anything she made for him, but she said she knew I’d spent ages decorating his nursery and wanted it all to match. But now she’s made it and about 3/4 is what I chose, the rest is… not. She’s added fabrics in the most hideous (to me) football and train prints, as well as some other ones in clashing colours because he’s a little boy and boys love football and trains.

I know how much work it is to make these and it’s amazing that DS has a Nanny who loves him so much to make them and of course I’ll have it in his nursery because it was made with love. I just don’t know why she needs to chase replies on fabrics she’s texted when I’m busy at work or go on multiple shopping trips etc, only to go massively off on her own anyway. If she’s going to do that I’d rather she just made what she wanted because I find this halfway really frustrating. I’m not presumptuous enough to expect someone’s time to spend time crafting projects for me but if they off and tell me to plan something and get involved and excited about the item and then add in some completely off the wall prints in there then surely more people than me would find that annoying. And also this is where i know I’m being really shallow and petty and can’t help it but it does bother me that his beautiful woodland nursery has these garish prints and patterns that I think are hideous.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 05/10/2025 19:45

He might love it when he’s older and she’s no longer around. It’s made with love.

standtallskyfall · 05/10/2025 19:48

She's making them for your son, not you, from her to him. She asked you for guidance and went with it 75%. You are being massively unreasonable.

TwoFatDucklings · 05/10/2025 19:50

I've made quilts and they are such a lot of work. They also are a nightmare to wash. And might not be most practical for bedding that might suffer from leaking nappies or a vomiting bug.

Maybe his quilt and cushion would be best as a playmat and cushion. Maybe it would get more use in your living room to create a little corner for him to cosy up with you and read books about football, trains and woodland animals.

In fairness though, his beautiful tastefully decorated nursery is going to be full of bright primary coloured books and toys soon! Even if they're not what you'd buy for him, they'll migrate into your home!

WoodlandQuilt · 05/10/2025 19:51

PersephoneParlormaid · 05/10/2025 19:45

He might love it when he’s older and she’s no longer around. It’s made with love.

I really hope he does. His Nanny adores him and he adores her and I know how much love she puts into it. But it’s just that I’m annoyed that she insists I help to plan and help design items when I tell her to do whatever she wants and then she goes and does her own thing anyway. She doesn’t need to ask, but I can’t see why she does and then ignores what I say

OP posts:
EmeraldPebble · 05/10/2025 19:55

Sorry I’m not much help to the problem at hand but as a first time mum to a 12mo boy… WHY do boys mainly get trains, and diggers, and dinosaurs and blue!? I only shop for clothes in Next now, otherwise he’d be dressed in neon green tops that say I LOVE BOGIES! 😂

When we were expecting (and we still do) get so many things that are just completely not his vibe just because he’s a boy

Gunz · 05/10/2025 19:55

PersephoneParlormaid · 05/10/2025 19:45

He might love it when he’s older and she’s no longer around. It’s made with love.

Exactly - my daughter still keeps the Cinderella doll her GM made - she died when daughter was 10 and now 25! Still keeps it in her belongings.

ridl14 · 05/10/2025 20:04

So sweet of her to make it! I'm sure he'll love it when he's older.

But yeah YABU as you've said rather just take you at your word the first time, don't ask for guidance and make what she wants. Especially because there's then an expectation for putting it in the nursery specifically.

WoodlandQuilt · 06/10/2025 08:23

TwoFatDucklings · 05/10/2025 19:50

I've made quilts and they are such a lot of work. They also are a nightmare to wash. And might not be most practical for bedding that might suffer from leaking nappies or a vomiting bug.

Maybe his quilt and cushion would be best as a playmat and cushion. Maybe it would get more use in your living room to create a little corner for him to cosy up with you and read books about football, trains and woodland animals.

In fairness though, his beautiful tastefully decorated nursery is going to be full of bright primary coloured books and toys soon! Even if they're not what you'd buy for him, they'll migrate into your home!

That’s useful to know about the care of them because despite the fact I think it’s ugly, it was made with love and I hope my son treasures it. We’re not using as bedding as I’m still to scared to give him a pillow and he’s still in a sleeping bag and will be for the foreseeable future because he moves around so much he needs it attached to him.

I do also know his nursery will change with his tastes. I had hideous taste as a child and my bedroom was proudly decorated to reflect that and I’ll give my son the same opportunity (though I hope he doesn’t like ugly figurines as much as I did because they’re a nightmare to dust). That’s partly why I love his nursery for now because I know my time of tasteful house decor is rapidly ending!

OP posts:
WoodlandQuilt · 06/10/2025 08:35

standtallskyfall · 05/10/2025 19:48

She's making them for your son, not you, from her to him. She asked you for guidance and went with it 75%. You are being massively unreasonable.

Back to being whingy but I feel like 75% in the way if do it is basically the same as zero because the whole thing looks off. Like these woodland type prints with bright red footballs added to it, and a similar Thomas print and some others too.

If she’d had made the quilt and put those together herself wouldn’t be posting but it’s that MIL insisted I was involved because she wanted it to match his nursery and there were multiple daily messages about placements, or a friend who had some fabric did I like it (and if I said I didn’t that was fine, it wasn’t included) so it was pretty surprising to see that she’d just gone and added these really jarring things in when she said she wanted it all to match.

In my heart of hearts I know I’m being a bitch and I posted partly to have people put me in my place because I know DS is lucky to be so loved by his Nanny and to have a keepsake made just for him with love by her. I really know that. I just wish it wasn’t so ugly and I hate that I think that.

To wish MIL would either stick to what I ask for or stop asking me when crafting?
To wish MIL would either stick to what I ask for or stop asking me when crafting?
To wish MIL would either stick to what I ask for or stop asking me when crafting?
To wish MIL would either stick to what I ask for or stop asking me when crafting?
OP posts:
StewkeyBlue · 06/10/2025 08:50

Heaven forbid your child should love things that clash with your idea of interior decor!

You are grating against your MIL’s choices, how will you react when your child’s passions grate against yours?

No Spiderman or football posters for YOUR child, oh no…

OP, it will be fine. His grandmother’s love is much more important. Embrace that and relax your shoulders.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 06/10/2025 08:53

I feel your frustration. She’s adding what she thinks of as classic prints to the curated ones. It’s making it personal to this baby. It’s a mixture of her and you, I guess!

One day, you’ll look and laugh fondly at the idiosyncratic choices. Is there a nice side? For the moment, fold it except when it’s in use as a baby mat.

harriethoyle · 06/10/2025 08:57

@WoodlandQuilt I still have, use and treasure the patchwork quilt my granny made for my Dad when he went to university in the 60s. It’s such a special thing, don’t focus on the patterns - concentrate on the love.

Poppingby · 06/10/2025 09:02

I don't think you're complaining about the quilt even if it's vile are you? Obviously it's lovely that she's made it. The whole making you get involved and then ignoring you thing would drive me fucking mental but I think it's part of the process of loving him and your family and wanting to be part of your lives. Maybe it's a bit lonely thinking up (gross) combinations yourself.

ShesTheAlbatross · 06/10/2025 09:12

My mum does similar with Christmas presents. She asks for a list of several options for DC so she can choose (so I can’t give these suggestions to other people because I don’t know which one mum will buy). So I’ll spend time thinking and send her a list, and she’ll buy something totally different. Which is absolutely fine - but why are you making me come up with the bloody list in the first place, and sulking if I don’t send it!!!!

Panicatthegarden · 06/10/2025 09:35

I agree with you and it would annoy me too tbh, I would rather have a whole cushion or quilt dedicated to trains/ dinosaurs / whatever than a weird clashing mix on one blanket especially after being asked your opinion

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 06/10/2025 09:40

ShesTheAlbatross · 06/10/2025 09:12

My mum does similar with Christmas presents. She asks for a list of several options for DC so she can choose (so I can’t give these suggestions to other people because I don’t know which one mum will buy). So I’ll spend time thinking and send her a list, and she’ll buy something totally different. Which is absolutely fine - but why are you making me come up with the bloody list in the first place, and sulking if I don’t send it!!!!

I was about to say the same!

I know it’s different from the OPs situation, but it’s the closest I’ve got.

My MIL does the same, asks for suggestions for gifts, I spend bloody ages thinking of things that she might like to give my children and that the children would love, don’t suggest them to anyone else who asks as I’ve given the suggestion to her - and then she gifts something completely different!

it’s not the gift that’s the problem, same as it’s not the quilt that’s the problem for the OP…it’s the time and thought I’ve put in for absolutely no reason. Just go ahead and make your choice without me!

YellowRoom · 06/10/2025 09:47

'Choose what you think is best,' and repeat. She's not going to change so you need to. Or direct her to your DH to make essential decisions that will be ignored.

WoodlandQuilt · 06/10/2025 09:49

EmeraldPebble · 05/10/2025 19:55

Sorry I’m not much help to the problem at hand but as a first time mum to a 12mo boy… WHY do boys mainly get trains, and diggers, and dinosaurs and blue!? I only shop for clothes in Next now, otherwise he’d be dressed in neon green tops that say I LOVE BOGIES! 😂

When we were expecting (and we still do) get so many things that are just completely not his vibe just because he’s a boy

Same. I have zero interest in transport but that seems to be so much of boys clothes. If he likes it when he grows up then he can have them but at least let there be some choice. I’m “lucky” in that his sleep is terrible so I have a lot of time in the night to trawl Vinted.

OP posts:
PrivateMusic · 06/10/2025 09:53

StewkeyBlue · 06/10/2025 08:50

Heaven forbid your child should love things that clash with your idea of interior decor!

You are grating against your MIL’s choices, how will you react when your child’s passions grate against yours?

No Spiderman or football posters for YOUR child, oh no…

OP, it will be fine. His grandmother’s love is much more important. Embrace that and relax your shoulders.

The op hasn’t said any of that crap at all. Get over yourself 🙄

WoodlandQuilt · 06/10/2025 09:54

Poppingby · 06/10/2025 09:02

I don't think you're complaining about the quilt even if it's vile are you? Obviously it's lovely that she's made it. The whole making you get involved and then ignoring you thing would drive me fucking mental but I think it's part of the process of loving him and your family and wanting to be part of your lives. Maybe it's a bit lonely thinking up (gross) combinations yourself.

This is it! I’d leave a work meeting to many increasingly urgent texts about it because a friend has offered something and she needs an answer before she heads back home. We’d go shopping for things (and I really hate shopping) because she wanted it to be my vibe. I feel like I put a fair amount of mental energy in this time and I think at least part of my frustration is at me because I know I shouldn’t have because she always goes off on her own. I definitely won’t again though!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/10/2025 09:56

I totally understand OP.

It’s the getting you involved in the emotion labour of it - choosing prints and so not - and then it being something you hate anyway.

It does sound like these additions are very jarring.

I think the plan others have had of not using it regularly is a good one, but I understand it’s upsetting when you had wanted one you could use as a daily part of the nursery.

BendingSpoons · 06/10/2025 09:59

At first I thought YWBU but with rhe fabrics posted, I see your point. They don't go together well (totally different colour schemes). I have no issue with bright, transport etc (DS has had a love of transport and now football) but it's jarring amongst the woodland and ideally she would either have done it to your theme or just done it her way. If it's any consolation, your DS will likely love the clashing prints!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/10/2025 09:59

WoodlandQuilt · 06/10/2025 09:49

Same. I have zero interest in transport but that seems to be so much of boys clothes. If he likes it when he grows up then he can have them but at least let there be some choice. I’m “lucky” in that his sleep is terrible so I have a lot of time in the night to trawl Vinted.

I agree about the transport!

I quite liked the dinosaurs and animals they had on clothes for DS when he was little though - they must still be about?

The same is true for girls though- they’re not all into flowers and princesses for goodness sake.

All kids c

Ineffable23 · 06/10/2025 10:04

I totally get it OP. Either ask, and then do as asked. Or don't ask and you won't be expecting it to go. I don't think you're being unreasonable, given you're willing to accept the latter.

I think I would actually prefer a 100% primary colours type quilt to a half woodland colours half primary colours quilt - at least that way the quilt itself would go with itself!

WoodlandQuilt · 06/10/2025 10:21

YellowRoom · 06/10/2025 09:47

'Choose what you think is best,' and repeat. She's not going to change so you need to. Or direct her to your DH to make essential decisions that will be ignored.

I’ve tried that and it doesn’t work. She insists on wanting to know. When we arrive before I’ve even taken my shoes off I’m presented with choices and asked to make decisions on it as well as texts. If there’s a next time though, I’ll just pick any random thing and not put too much mental effort

OP posts:
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