To think this mum at the park was cruel?

[BlackFriYay]

I was at the park with my two children this morning (ages 4 and 6) and they were playing nicely with two other children from different families of similar ages. We've never seen either of them before.

The mother of one boy went over to where they were playing on the roundabout and told her son to go and play on the slide instead.

5 minutes or so later he gravitates back to my DC and the other little boy and as soon as the mother saw he'd re-joined them she went over again and said "let's go and play on the climbing ropes instead"

The little boy was visibly disappointed and followed her to the climbing ropes where she then left him to go and sit down again. He played by himself until we left.

My youngest was a little upset as he thought he'd made a friend and didn't know why he wasn't allowed to play with him.

I can't fathom what that was all about. None of the children were behaving badly so it wasn't about bad behaviour.

AIBU to think she was being cruel?

The children of helecopter parenting will (probably) grow up weak and soft with mental health problems, unable to launch as adults and still at home in their 30s and 40s. In the past children played together without parental supervision. They were socialised by the older children in how to play nicely, follow the rules, and fit into the group.

Isn't it awful how these observations and truths are taboo to say. The double standards are frightening in the UK.

There's a real novelty for white middle class women to become very eager and spellbound and fascinated by say a Muslim neighbour wearing a headscarf. Knocks on doors, trying to think of halal gifts, invites of a "cuppa", getting very excited to have the chance to let their kid "mix with different cultures". It's almost like a self gratifying fetish. Bonus points for accusing everyone around them of racism.

Yet the open secret that's never to be voiced is that if you have a devout Muslim family for example: it's haram to be mixing with non Muslim white Brits. They will and do actively discourage mixing and keep their kids away from "corruption". Then the do gooders are all head scratching.

It's because the BBC shows unrealistic portrayals of ethnic minority/religious families. With a girl gang consisting of a token Muslim girl and they're all talking about "periods boys and fish and chips" and Syedas mum is like the white girls "adoptive mum". It's not real. Unfortunately people are very easily sucked in.

I prefer honesty and realism. State your case. I'd rather we accepted "ok ,you don't want to mix" but time and time again on here people are blind to it. "Er, perhaps the mum just has PND" (you really think mental health is recognised in certain cultures!?) and wake up and smell the coffee: they don't want to mix with you because you're not one of them !

There are times I have worried my DC could be annoying others which I think is my own anxiety looking back. After a while I recognised it was lovely actually and great for them but at first when they were young and I was suffering with anxiety, I did worry about interactions like this.

I agree. If we're not careful this over parented over supervised over "app stalked," generation of children will be screwed for life. We can already see it through all the bogus CAMHS referrals which should be reserved for mental illness. Not life aggravated normal emotions like anxiety and stress and teenage hormones.

So you’re one of them 🤣🤣 - if you don’t like socialising then maybe don’t visit a public park

My son asked if he could eat a raw chilli the other day.

I said "I wouldn't personally. It'll burn your mouth and taste horrible. But don't take my word for it if you don't want to . Go ahead "

He did. Ate a third and drank 2 pints of water 🥵 I don't expect he'll do that again.

Measured risk. My DH always says : you want to give them just enough free reign to rest the waters of troubles but not so much that they hang themselves.

I have moved my DS on, so to speak, from other boys hes gravitated towards at parks and soft plays when he was little. I know my DS, his limits and his triggers. My DS, as a young child, was high energy + low impulse control and if I suspected another child had similar personality traits I would break it up before one of the boys dared the other to jump off the highest climbing frame or eat the questionable sand in the sandpit.

OP I wouldn't assume the mother was cruel. She will know her child and his limits. She may have been doing you all a favour by moving him on if suspected her DS, your DS and the other child were going to become a problem all together.

If this had been the case for this mother, she may have a plan in place to help her child learn these boundaries but knew her child was too tired or she was too burnt out to deal with it that day so the easiest option was to move him on before trouble started.

Ahhh the 'R' word ...

It's getting tiring. You're not worth replying to.

YABU and flat out weird to jump to 'cruel' and make it all about your own child.

Yes, it is cruel & really weird.
Parents shouldn’t take out their flipping anxiety on kids

My pre-school age son is very friendly and at times a bit intense. It doesn't go over very well with other mums in the playground sometimes (I promise you he is not being mean, hitting, saying weird things etc, just a bit loud and enthusiastic and he has a few vocal stims and tics... An Assessment may be needed in due course but we aren't there yet).
Especially if he goes up to a pair of siblings and tries to join in the mum is often a bit shitty about it (funny how it's never the dads eh?).
I do gently encourage him not to do things like standing too close to other children and making loud noises etc. most of the time he makes lots of little friends when we are out as he is a lovely, smiley, good vibes kinda kid.
But occasionally if he is very fizzy or I'm getting aggy and disapproving looks from other mums AND we have had a stressful day I might have intervened as the playground mum you mentioned did.
People can be assholes to kids that exhibit eccentric or ND behaviours and sometimes I just want to protect my son from it all.

Don't reply then.

You’ve just described my son

We had that too, turned out they didn't want their daughter playing with mine as her ethnic background wasn't the same as theirs and they thought she would be a 'corrupt' them, they wanted their daughter to play with children of the same ethnic background as theirs only.

We have a neighbour that used to avoid eye contact with me and I decided she was extremely shy and felt sorry for her. Then our kids started playing together a few times and on each occasion she called them away from my kids with no explanation. I don't care anymore if she is shy, I now think she is a horrible woman who thinks she is better than her neighbours and I'm glad my kids have nothing to do with hers.

Exactly this. All of the previous suggestions here are utter bollocks. The other mum is a snobby cow, simple as that. OP do you have a distinctive accent? Are you of a different race? From the "wrong" area or your child goes to the "wrong" school, or even they're the "wrong" type of child?

Also as a PP said, it amazes me how white middle class people are so self fucking righteous when it comes to certain cultures- they crawl all over Muslims, for example, despite Muslims seeing right through them and avoiding them accordingly, yet they (the MC) would never give working class people the time of day...

All of them? Including the mums who have children with additional needs and have shared their own experiences of steering their child away from another child because it usually ends in tears and upset parents?

I do this with my ND kids. I can sense they are about to get disregulated and move them away from other kids for a bit sometimes. Itaseasier than letting it get to boiling point and having to deal with the aftermath. You wouldnt know if this was the case, it would not have been obvious to you at all why I asked them to move away.

She almost definitely thought she was annoying you.

There are some weird people out there - I’ve encountered that before. I’ve had a few mums/dads of sons run over with concern their “rough” boys will hurt my daughter, particularly when she was 2-3, but usually they see she is pretty rough herself but I have also had some strange people take their kids away for no reason.

One guy in particular sticks in my mind as he kept shouting at his son to leave my daughter alone when they were playing nicely together and the son looked terrified and got weepy - the man gave me the heebee geebees! I tried to make friendly small talk to see what the issue was but he just gave me a furious look and walked away. I felt so sorry for that child not being allowed to play with any of the others, the issue was definitely the dad rather than the child. I felt really worried for that child but what can you do when you encounter an unhealthy dynamic in passing like that and never see the people again.

This

you don't know what's going on in their lives, jumping to it being 'cruel' isn't very fair.

Do your children currently have a runny nose/cough? I try to keep my kids away from any snotty kids at the playground so would do the same as that mum.

I would have done a really big fart!