To think this mum at the park was cruel?

[BlackFriYay]

I was at the park with my two children this morning (ages 4 and 6) and they were playing nicely with two other children from different families of similar ages. We've never seen either of them before.

The mother of one boy went over to where they were playing on the roundabout and told her son to go and play on the slide instead.

5 minutes or so later he gravitates back to my DC and the other little boy and as soon as the mother saw he'd re-joined them she went over again and said "let's go and play on the climbing ropes instead"

The little boy was visibly disappointed and followed her to the climbing ropes where she then left him to go and sit down again. He played by himself until we left.

My youngest was a little upset as he thought he'd made a friend and didn't know why he wasn't allowed to play with him.

I can't fathom what that was all about. None of the children were behaving badly so it wasn't about bad behaviour.

AIBU to think she was being cruel?

YABU

The kid could've battered hers last week for all you know.

Does sound a little strange but I wouldn’t read too much into it. Maybe her son had a virus and she didn’t want to spread it, maybe he has form for biting other kids! Could be anything

I’ve had to encourage my son to play elsewhere when children have been eating certain foods. There are lots of reasons and I wouldn’t assume anything cruel.

I wouldn't say it was cruel. Sure, he was disappointed but it could be anything really. Maybe she knows her son is unpredictable and was worried about that, maybe she knows he has something infectious and shouldn't really be out, perhaps she thought your boy or the other one looked unwell, you just don't know. She wasn't rude about it, I would think no more of it

It was a bit strange she wasn't allowing him join in, she could be a controlling parent, who knows.

I’d just assume there’s a reason for it that you couldn’t know. Other people mention having autistic children who can be unpredictable, and that was my first guess.

We had that too, turned out they didn't want their daughter playing with mine as her ethnic background wasn't the same as theirs and they thought she would be a 'corrupt' them, they wanted their daughter to play with children of the same ethnic background as theirs only.

It is tough to see your children confused and upset, but these things do happen unfortunately, and not much you can do about it.

I think it depends on why she was doing it as it could have been for cruel reasons or maybe it's not. I'd have took it as odd and I'd just reassure my child that the mum's behaviour is more about her and not about them.

But if you are not letting your daughter play with other kids, how is she supposed to develop social skills? Why no intervene if needed, rather than isolate her?

unfortunately parents aren’t always understanding and I’ve had a parent try to beat me up because dd accidentally hurt theirs so nope! She plays with children we know only.

Cruel? Do you know the definition of cruel?

Because sometimes a SEND mum wants 5 minutes peace without rushing to intervene and then a parenting getting angry at you/your child and having to leave.

That is seriously shocking behavior from the other parent. I get it now, but I still find it sad that such measures are necessary. Parents should be the adults and model good conflict resolution skills, not resort to violence.

tbh im not risking a punch, some parents are aggressive, explaining my daughter is autistic seemed to make her more angry.

I think to describe the behaviour as ‘cruel’ is gross hyperbole. To describe it as ‘odd’ seems more apt! Perhaps she’s an overprotective mum and is cautious about her child playing with children she doesn’t know? Perhaps her child was unwell and she didn’t want him to approach other children and pass an illness on? There could be many reasons for her odd behaviour, positive and negative. I think the fact you’ve jumped to such a conclusion and described it this way warrants a bit of reflection!

Sadly I have seen this as an issue. Although there is an emphasis on being tolerant and inclusive towards ethnic minorities, there are some from particular religious backgrounds who are sadly very intolerant of non-religious families and those of other races. There are a couple of children from Muslim backgrounds we all make sure are included and invited to birthday parties etc, but these families choose not to attend as we aren’t seen as good influences…

Biter, hitter, infectious illness? It seems a bit mad to leap to the other parent being ‘cruel’.

DS who is awaiting a diagnosis of autism would often say inappropriate stuff to others so it's best to guide them away to other areas of the park. Nothing cruel about what the mum did, she will have had her reasons too like many of us here on this thread....

The only time I've done this is when my child has been on the back end of an illness or a bug, so can't go to school / nursery yet but is well enough to be climbing the walls at home - so going outside is a good option but keeping them away from people.

Could be any other number of reasons, none of which you should give any more thought to.

I would assume SEND or her child was ill and she was trying to be considerate.

Maybe her son was say, neuro divergent and has problems with impulse control and or going through a stage of hitting out when excited for example. Perhaps she'd had some incidents in recent times and thought it was best to steer him away before any problems occurred.

Or perhaps he's got an infection or is contagious and Is trying to keep him away from other children (we all pretend we wouldn't go out to the park with a viral toddler , but cabin fever provokes mothers to do it )

It's probably less about your children and more about something to do with her child.

Or perhaps its her, maybe she's depressed or hates socialising and dreads another mother coming over for a chat whilst the kids played together. When your a mum of very young children, sometimes a chit chat with a random mum is just what you need, for other people it's their idea of hell.

Cruel? No. I'd just assume she had her reasons.

This is very true. It's just taboo to say it. But you're very much correct. I have lots of examples (I work in a multicultural environment so plenty of experience)

Only yesterday, I took my DC to the park for a kick around with a ball. Little lad (Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi origin by the looks and sound of a slight accent ) asked really politely if he could join in. Kids were fine. He had just one measly kick of the ball and mum frowned and jesticulated for him to come away then talked in hushed tones to him. She didn't even make eye contact with me or smile. The boy looked sad as he dropped the football down.

White middle class women would have been wetting their knickers to push their white child towards an Asian group of boys playing football and would have been very smiley and conversational with the mum. More so if she had a headscarf.

Minorities are brazen in rejecting white westerners. It is indeed very much an open secret. One rule for one.....

Oh for God's sake you can't go anywhere on Mumsnet without some brazen racism these days. Give it a rest.

OP this stuff is bollocks but the other stuff about assuming something else is going on is much the easiest way to conduct your kids childhood, otherwise you'll be second guessing everything all the time tbh.

Not sure about cruel but definitely controlling.