AIBU to call in sick if life has just got on top of me?

[INeedFreshAirAndGreen]

I was off sick from work last week for a couple of days. I'm still feeling terrible, and so may have to call in sick tomorrow.

I've got a lot of family stress in my life at the minute and it has taken its toll on my mental health. So, on Thursday I called in sick because I just couldn't face work after a really poor nights sleep. I've hardly slept since then too and I feel awful and anxious.

I feel guilty as I don't have a virus, or covid. I just needed a couple of MH days. If I have had decent sleep I am perfectly fine to deal with life stresses, but over the past few weeks there have been a lot of things going on that are very overwhelming.

AIBU to call in sick if I am sleep deprived, and stressed out? I don't really want to tell my co. that I am stressed or can't sleep as they may not see this as a valid reason to be off.

Does anyone else call in sick like this and if so, what do you say?

FYI I am rarely off sick. Twice this year, but one of them was because I tripped over work equipment and hurt my leg, so that was on them. My colleagues are always off sick for the drop of a hat so I don't know why I feel so bad. I need this job so don't want to take the piss.

With due respect weekends are your time to relax and decompress, yes you're upset about a parent, but is not you who has been diagnosed, you think its going to be hard for them, but you don't know that.

I think you're being a little dramatic.

Thanks, but it goes deeper than that.

My other parent died when I was a child, and this one brought me up on their own. He’s been my rock all my life and so finding out he’s ill has been really hard and upsetting.

So sorry for what you're going through, OP. If you don't feel up to work then you get signed off. There's absolutely no shame in being unable to function because your remaining parent has a cancer diagnosis. Ask the doctor for a fit note until you get yourself sorted out and maybe ask for something to temporarily help you sleep. 💐

I’m so sorry about your dad’s diagnosis. Take care of yourself, if that means another sick day, take it, but either way, follow ‘sleep hygiene’ recommendations, take your vitamins or eat well, mother yourself.

That really isn't helpful.

@INeedFreshAirAndGreen does your employer have an EAP you can be referred to?

You could also self refer to Mental Health Access to Work - look up Maximus or Able Futures. They're there to support you through tough times - you don't need a mental health diagnosis.

But its the truth.

DH has been signed off his work by the mental health nurse at the medical practice because he is extremely overwhelmed at work. It has all been too much. He can get the line extended if necessary.

OP take time off work if you need to. You need time to look after yourself. No, a weekend isn't enough for many. Often it can take months to recover.

Have you anything helpful or constructive to say to the OP?

Most people have said it isn't unreasonable to have the odd day off. Doing it at the drop of a hat 'because everyone else does' is just silly.

If you're not actively taking steps to do anything about it what will it achieve? Has being off over the weekend helped? If not, I'd suggest you need to book some time off for a proper rest, or see the doctor about sleeping tablets etc.

Considering reporting this post. Absolutely sickening people thinking because they're posting remotely on a forum they can say whatever they like.

Show some compassion.

Chapeau.

Yanbu

Attitudes like yours are a huge problem in the workplace. Mental health is just as important as physical health if not more so. Poor mental health can lead to poor physical health. Would you tell someone to take annual leave if they were physically unwell? Annual leave is not meant to be used for sickness.

You sound very mean

Are you okay?

Being upset at a parents cancer diagnosis is completely normal. You'd have to be wildly lacking in empathy or compassion to shrug your shoulders and say "oh well, they were going to die at some point anyway". Your also incredibly naive if you think a parent go through cancer isn't going to be difficult for both them and you

Personally I think it's okay to take time a mental health day in this situation if your genuinely too ill to work, whether that's mental or physical, but is it something that can be resolved in a short period of time? If a few days off is going to change things then great, but are you actually going to feel better tomorrow? Or is it a case of you need to get over the hurdle of driving in

I also would probably just lie and say I had the flu or norovirus. Because I think some employers might not be very understanding. Only you know your employer OP

If you contacted your doctor and explained what you have said on here, they would sign you off with stress for sure. Sometimes you are just not fit/safe to work in this situation, particularly if work is life or death, demands complete concentration or is potentially triggering (I know someone in a medical field who tried to work through burnout and ended up making a serious mistake).

Having a doctor validate your feelings and need for recovery time would also hopefully take away the feeling of guilt or worrying what other people will think. In the meantime you can focus on resting and maybe seeking some help/counselling about your parent’s diagnosis. Not sure if macmillan offer advice in this situation. Sending hugs and best wishes (and ignore the people who think you should be able to carry on like a robot in these circumstances).

Just take holiday, then assess if you are in the correct job.

Exactly. No one uses annual leave to recover from the shingles, for example. Would it be acceptable, would it???
Depression isn't any different, or anxiety. Pick any mental health condition that's debilitating. There are many out there. Sick leave is used when you're sick, mental health or physical health both are just as important as each other. If you're sick, you're sick.

No wonder there's so much stigma around mental health. Still!

Absolutely shocked at the utter lack of compassion on this thread by certain posters. What is going on in this world?

When I was a manager I was a big advocate of staff taking a mental health day so yes I'd have no issue with you doing this. However you've 'had' a couple of these last week and clearly it hasn't cut it and it sounds like the reasons are ongoing so I think you should speak to work about either taking some proper time off or if any adjustments can be made temporarily until you get back on your feet. You said you dont feel safe to drive, can you wfh for a few days? Public transport? Can a colleague give you a lift?
I'm sorry to hear your DDad is poorly and I hope it isn't as awful as you fear

It's just the way it is. I had to use the rest of my AL when I lost one of my kids. It's shit but we need to work.

3 times sick in 10 months is a lot. It doesn't matter how many other people take off

If the OP is really not able to cope with life atm, then really, they need signing off for a bit.