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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for £20 a week?

65 replies

Positivelymum · 05/10/2025 08:17

I don’t want to drip feed but I don’t want this to be outing.

I’m currently looking after another child 4-5 nights a week, they are not blood related. I’m already a solo parent to one and recieve no maintenance for them. Financially things are starting to creep up as it’s been a few weeks now.

AIBU to ask for a £20 a week contribution to them staying with me? I don’t want to come across as grabby! This child wants to continue staying with me but I don’t want to get to a point I have to say I can’t afford it or that I’m feeling taken advantage of.

If you think IABU please tell me what’s realistic?

Thank you

OP posts:
EverybodyLTB · 05/10/2025 08:20

Without a bit more about the circumstances, it’s impossible to say. If the parent is a crack addict who can’t look after their child then £20 a week is pointless to ask for. If it’s just some piss taker from the school with a perfectly good home for that child to be in, then stop having them. You’re mad to be doing it blindly, for most reasons, when you’re struggling yourself.

themerchentofvenus · 05/10/2025 08:20

That's a huge amount of time for another child to be with you. If you're doing this as a favour then of course the parent should be paying for any expenses.

Are you sure £20 is all it's costing you?

Is it worth you registering as a childminder then you can charge an hourly rate??

I'm amazed the parent hasnt offered to pay you something.

TheSlantedOwl · 05/10/2025 08:21

Sounds like you need to ask for more than £20.

tanstaafl · 05/10/2025 08:23

If you’re feeding this other child you’re well with8n your rights to ask for money.
but don’t undersell yourself.
if £40 is what you reckon is fair, ask for £50, come down to £40.

Namechange822 · 05/10/2025 08:27

If the child has a reasonably stable family and is with you because you’re close to school and parent has moved /parent is poorly/ child has fallen out with parent etc then I think that you should ask for a lot more than £20 a week - child benefit alone is £26!!!

If this is a situation where child is with you informally instead of being formally in foster care then I think tread carefully.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 05/10/2025 08:29

@Positivelymum but why are you looking after someone else's child??? 20 is way too low when you think of bath, supper, bed and breakfast!

Eenameenadeeka · 05/10/2025 08:30

Depends on the situation, who is the child and why are they with you, but seems like it would be costing you more than that!

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 05/10/2025 08:32

Check out childminder fees in your area and charge about the same

Whoevenarethey · 05/10/2025 08:33

Are they staying over night with you?
What's the circumstance?

I think the issue is if you start taking money then it becomes a more formal arrangement rather than a friendly one, which could have implications if something happened while they were with you. Taking money does make you an unofficial childminder and if you want to do this then you would need the relevant insurance in place.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 05/10/2025 08:33

If the child is under 8, it's more than two hours a day, and youre being paid, you'd have to register as a childminder.

Original poster
Positivelymum · 05/10/2025 08:37

The child has considered putting themselves into foster care 😢. SW has suggested a private fostering arrangement.

It’s a complex and sensitive situation and I want what’s best for the child. They have their own room and bed here which they don’t have otherwise.

I’d feel rude asking for more than £20/£25 pw- I feel cheeky even asking for that! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Floatingdownriver · 05/10/2025 08:39

Can you go down the official foster route? That way you’ll be properly supported financially

Owly11 · 05/10/2025 08:46

Oh my goodness looking after a child for over half a week costs a lot more than £20!! You should be thinking more about a board and lodgings rate pro rata for the time you have them. How on earth do you come to the conclusion it’s cheeky to ask for money? Someone is taking the piss but it isn’t you.

Namechange822 · 05/10/2025 08:47

I would be very cautious incase the parent then says no to the whole thing. Presumably the current situation is based on their agreement?

If you already have a reasonable relationship with the social worker, I would ask their advice first, and see if there is another solution instead of asking the parent. Potentially social services could arrange for free services in school (breakfast club, lunches, after school club) which might possibly save enough money to offset? Or possibly a fostering allowance but my understanding is these are hard to come by in “kinship” scenarios.

If the child is young, you may well be worth going down a more formal avenue….

Mycatissohandsome · 05/10/2025 08:51

Who would you be seeking the £20 a week from if SS are involved?

YANU however this is a complex situation.

Whoevenarethey · 05/10/2025 08:52

I think as there is already a SW involved and who you are in contact with I would be seeking advice from them.

Original poster
Positivelymum · 05/10/2025 08:53

Namechange822 · 05/10/2025 08:47

I would be very cautious incase the parent then says no to the whole thing. Presumably the current situation is based on their agreement?

If you already have a reasonable relationship with the social worker, I would ask their advice first, and see if there is another solution instead of asking the parent. Potentially social services could arrange for free services in school (breakfast club, lunches, after school club) which might possibly save enough money to offset? Or possibly a fostering allowance but my understanding is these are hard to come by in “kinship” scenarios.

If the child is young, you may well be worth going down a more formal avenue….

SW hasn’t even spoken to me!

OP posts:
Namechange822 · 05/10/2025 08:57

That is worrying for a different reason!

Are you able to get their name and number (from DC if a teen, from school if younger) and contact them to introduce yourself and explain the relationship with the child?

I suspect that will lead on to questions about affordability and longer term intentions (or possibly not if they haven’t even spoken to you!?!).

Namechange822 · 05/10/2025 09:01

Do you have a provable “parental” relationship to the child (eg you’re an ex step parent)? If so, that might help you to claim the child benefits?

EverybodyLTB · 05/10/2025 09:14

To keep worrying about being grabby and greedy is absolute madness and such a strange thing to say that it makes me think you are quite vulnerable here and being taken advantage of. Who thinks £20 is too much to ask for having a child most of the week? There’s so much shit going on across the country I doubt that explaining the situation would be outing. Otherwise no advice will be very relevant.

Anusername · 05/10/2025 09:18

20 a week for multiple children is very low. I think you should calculate how much you get paid as per normal childminder rate * a discount if you like. I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all!

Shayisgreat · 05/10/2025 09:18

You've mentioned that the child suggested the signing themselves into care - so the child must be over 16, right? If so, private fostering isn't happening.

I think somebody should certainly be contributing financially to this child staying with you. If the family cannot, the LA might. But if they had no part to play in the child leaving home or staying with you and they deem the child safe and able to return home then they won't.

Though if the SW has suggested the child signing themselves into care, you could propose that you become this child's registered foster carer and go through that assessment. You would be provided with payment but being a foster carer is hard work and can be very very intrusive.

StrongLikeMamma · 05/10/2025 09:19

Positivelymum · 05/10/2025 08:37

The child has considered putting themselves into foster care 😢. SW has suggested a private fostering arrangement.

It’s a complex and sensitive situation and I want what’s best for the child. They have their own room and bed here which they don’t have otherwise.

I’d feel rude asking for more than £20/£25 pw- I feel cheeky even asking for that! 🤦‍♀️

It’s fine to ask op.
You sound incredibly kind 💛

londongirl12 · 05/10/2025 09:24

Positivelymum · 05/10/2025 08:53

SW hasn’t even spoken to me!

Show quote history

So does the SW even know about your arrangement?? This sounds mad Op. you shouldn’t be having another child overnight every day without having the correct procedures in place. The mum is being cheeky letting you do it for nothing!!

FrothyCothy · 05/10/2025 09:28

If it’s an alternative to the child going into care then you need to speak to the social worker about being properly assessed and receiving the appropriate allowances from the council for caring for this child.

A true private fostering arrangement must include clarity about financial support for the child and private foster carer from the birth parents or someone with PR.

You, and the child, are very vulnerable here OP. If the child should by all rights be considered looked after then there are duties owed to them now and potentially in the future - the informal arrangement risks doing them a disservice.

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