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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to stay at home at Christmas.

30 replies

Noddynoodle · 04/10/2025 20:39

For the past 9 years we’ve alternated Christmas between my in-laws and my parents. One set live down the road and one set live 5 hours drive away. Three years ago we bought our own home and we’ve finally made it our beautiful home but sadly it’s too small to host everyone. My aibu is that we want Christmas just us in our own house. Both sets of parents will be really upset I know but I just want to do our own thing on our own schedule! All parents are elderly and won’t be here forever but should we put our foot down and enjoy our 8 and 9 year olds magic at home whilst we can? I know the in-laws are down the road but are quite demanding on timescales and expect us to be at their house early Christmas Day. My parents get the joy of Christmas morning as we arrive the day before but are again on their own timescale of drinks late morning/early afternoon with friends before back to do the roast which is priority. I just want a chilled day where we don’t have to be anywhere, kids can enjoy their gifts and us adults can have a drink and relax at home. Sorry, that was long but I feel so selfish

yabu - visit parents
yanbu- stay at home

OP posts:
Mandylovescandy · 04/10/2025 20:41

We stay at home and don't offer to host anyone. It's great and totally recommend, lovely to have the day to ourselves with the DC

TangerinePlate · 04/10/2025 20:44

YANBU.

All parents won’t be here forever but your kids won’t be kids forever either.

Send an email to all parties as early as possible.
Thank them for their effort/hosting and explain it’s time to build your own tradition.

Original poster
Noddynoodle · 04/10/2025 20:44

Mandylovescandy · 04/10/2025 20:41

We stay at home and don't offer to host anyone. It's great and totally recommend, lovely to have the day to ourselves with the DC

That’s what I want, even for one year. How do you navigate other family expectations on this?

OP posts:
Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 20:48

Stay home. Parents might be put out but give them plenty of notice. They might both relish the chance of doing something different themselves- unlikely but possible. You get to choose to spend that magical time with your children (poss another couple of years if one of them is 9 ), when kids are surly teenagers feel free to start alternating again if you still want to.

oustedbymymate · 04/10/2025 20:48

Can you not host at all? Two extra people? Sleep on air bed?

we now stay at home/host when we had the kids. I didn’t want to drag them away from their new toys etc to travel on Xmas day.

Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 20:49

If any of you knew it was going to be your last Christmas what would you choose? Then do that xx

Mew2 · 04/10/2025 20:51

We stay home on Christmas day. And we host on boxing day!!! Best of both worlds- all the kids get to open the presents and then all the cousins play with each other the following day... We love it!!!

TangerinePlate · 04/10/2025 20:52

Noddynoodle · 04/10/2025 20:44

That’s what I want, even for one year. How do you navigate other family expectations on this?

Show quote history

Just tell them that you’ve never had Christmas with your kids in your own home and you want to do it when they are still the age to appreciate magic of Christmas.

The other people expectations are not your commands.
Ignore huffing,puffing,sulking and any other drama of grandparents that “have to see grandchildren on Christmas Day” Ignore tears,tantrums and emotional blackmail.

I bet neither your parents nor your inlaws schlepped every Christmas to their respective parents.

Christmas at home with kids is bliss. You’re on your own schedule, you eat what you want and when you want. You get up when you want(or kids decide it 🙂)
Pottering in the kitchen while popping into the living room with a sip of Baileys in between.

Ho,ho,ho 🎅

CautiousOptimist · 04/10/2025 20:53

YANBU. Stay at home, and enjoy it. Visit them one of the other days between Christmas and New Year, call that day their Christmas if they like.

Put yourself and your children first this year, you deserve it.

I would never voice this in real life, but the year Christmas was cancelled during the pandemic and we had to stay on our own for a week and not visit anyone was my absolute dream come true!

MidnightPatrol · 04/10/2025 20:54

Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 20:49

If any of you knew it was going to be your last Christmas what would you choose? Then do that xx

I think is a bit of an intense approach - it’s not their last Christmas. This is why people end up in these mad ‘everything must be perfect ans we attempt to replicate an event from 1994, even though it makes everyone miserable’ annual commitments.

SeaAndStars · 04/10/2025 20:55

Is this a your parents or in laws year?

If it's an in laws year can you say you want to spend it at home but if they'd like to join you for the evening for drinks and a Christmas buffet supper? If they're only down the road then that seems a good compromise.

It really depends on how much you want to have your own Christmas. It's only one year, after many years of fitting in with everyone else. Do it. Be honest. They are adults and will cope. If they're loving adults they will understand and do Christmas their own way.

Robertplantgoddess · 04/10/2025 20:57

MidnightPatrol · 04/10/2025 20:54

I think is a bit of an intense approach - it’s not their last Christmas. This is why people end up in these mad ‘everything must be perfect ans we attempt to replicate an event from 1994, even though it makes everyone miserable’ annual commitments.

Show quote history

Oh it is an intense approach but its a way of cutting through all sorts of - but I should/ we should- what about etc. It wasn't about making it perfect more about highlighting to the op what is actually the important parts to them. Sorry if it came across wrongly

Soonenough · 04/10/2025 20:58

It's your first Xmas in your new house . Surely they csn cope . Do Christmas Eve short visit and maybe a simple meal with in-laws. They can call in briefly on Xmas Day. Your parents on Boxing Day ? Or any other day between that and New Year. Tell everyone now so they can make other plans . Do you and DH have siblings they can see.

DappledThings · 04/10/2025 20:59

Up to you. I don't understand the desire to be in any particular place or to deliberately not share Christmas with other people but your intention is far from unusual. You probably will hurt some feelings but that doesn’t mean you are unreasonable to do so.

We only had one Christmas just us at home when lockdown forced it and it was a bit flat for me.

MeganM3 · 04/10/2025 21:01

I never enjoy Christmas Day for this very reason. Expectations to host, expectations to attend, leaving people out, over compensating, feeling guilty, feeling exhausted.

persisted · 04/10/2025 21:03

Just tell them, you don’t need to justify yourself. They have plenty time to organise something.
Your an adult with your own family, what they want doesn’t get to trump what you want. There will be other days over the Christmas period that you can visit.

HopingForTheBest25 · 04/10/2025 21:08

I hate the argument 'parents won't be there forever'. My nan lived to be in her late 90's - were my parents supposed to wait until they were 70 before getting a Christmas in their own home?

Prioritise your kids and yourselves for a change - they've had it their way for years! It's selfish for them to keep pushing you to do what they want, above what you would like. Let the kids stay home and play with their toys and accept no guilt! It would be different if one parent was totally alone and too ill to travel but until that's the case, it's perfectly fine to please yourself at Christmas!

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 04/10/2025 21:13

You deserve to have a nice Christmas in your own home. I had to do this a few years ago, it really is like ripping a plaster off. They will get over it. You can celebrate with them another day.

FazeleysRoyale · 04/10/2025 21:22

Absolutely stay at home and start enjoying your own family Christmases. Visit the older relatives during the festive period but not on the day. Otherwise before you know it you’ll be stuck in a routine of travelling every time with that disruption. You want your kids to remember the magic of Christmas in their own home when they have grown up, don’t you ?

Original poster
Noddynoodle · 04/10/2025 21:36

oustedbymymate · 04/10/2025 20:48

Can you not host at all? Two extra people? Sleep on air bed?

we now stay at home/host when we had the kids. I didn’t want to drag them away from their new toys etc to travel on Xmas day.

It wouldn’t be two extra people, it would be 12. Parents siblings and their children.

OP posts:
ToadRage · 04/10/2025 21:55

My husband and I haven't had Christmas with either of our parents for years. We like it just being us, relaxed and quiet. it not unreasonable at all to want to have Christmas in your own home and you just have to out your foot down. Can you need even accommodate your nearby family for lunch and presents then send them home? My Mum lives two hours away in the middle of nowhere and in-laws five hours so we don't have the option of a day visit with either of them.

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 04/10/2025 21:58

We managed to broker a three year cycle of one year with my parents, one year with in laws and then a year on our own (but travelled Boxing Day or 27th). My husband used to refer to it as ‘ a year off for good behaviour’!
I think it’s lovely having Christmas Day in your own home and not having to pack up all the children’s presents etc.

WatchingTheDetective · 05/10/2025 08:52

Would any of the in-laws be alone as a result?

capybaraforlife · 05/10/2025 08:58

My DD is 12 and we have never spent a Christmas with any in laws, we always do our own thing. For the past 10 years we've travelled, absolute bliss!

We see family in December and that's enough.

You can't live your life for other people, I always feel sad for these threads where people are forced into plans they don't want.

CarlaH · 05/10/2025 09:32

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 04/10/2025 21:58

We managed to broker a three year cycle of one year with my parents, one year with in laws and then a year on our own (but travelled Boxing Day or 27th). My husband used to refer to it as ‘ a year off for good behaviour’!
I think it’s lovely having Christmas Day in your own home and not having to pack up all the children’s presents etc.

This is what we did but the parents did have other people to spend Christmas with.