To want to stay at home at Christmas.

[Noddynoodle]

For the past 9 years we’ve alternated Christmas between my in-laws and my parents. One set live down the road and one set live 5 hours drive away. Three years ago we bought our own home and we’ve finally made it our beautiful home but sadly it’s too small to host everyone. My aibu is that we want Christmas just us in our own house. Both sets of parents will be really upset I know but I just want to do our own thing on our own schedule! All parents are elderly and won’t be here forever but should we put our foot down and enjoy our 8 and 9 year olds magic at home whilst we can? I know the in-laws are down the road but are quite demanding on timescales and expect us to be at their house early Christmas Day. My parents get the joy of Christmas morning as we arrive the day before but are again on their own timescale of drinks late morning/early afternoon with friends before back to do the roast which is priority. I just want a chilled day where we don’t have to be anywhere, kids can enjoy their gifts and us adults can have a drink and relax at home. Sorry, that was long but I feel so selfish

yabu - visit parents
yanbu- stay at home

You've had 9 years spending Christmas around other homes. A year at your home seems reasonable.

Set a new tradition, stay home for Christmas. Everyone has got what they want for the last 9 years now it is your turn. Just repeat the phrase this is what we are doing, just us, in our own home for once. Don't argue just that phrase. I can see you are unhappy but this is what we are doing.

Maybe see parents/in laws at different points in December. It isn't about one day if you choose to spread it out. That way the children effectively get their presents spread over 3 visits. Plus a 5 hour drive is awful with young children and you have done this repeatedly.

We stayed home as children, saw one grandparent just before Christmas and the other one after it. You just have to stand firm on what you want and what your children want.

We see both families on Christmas day and we drive to them. Firstly they live 15 minutes from each other and one of my family members only gets Christmas Day and Boxing Day off because of where they work. We can easily do a trip to everyone but we also then carve out time to see people individually before and after Christmas, the same family members.

Yanbu, I think it’s so incredibly selfish of all these grandparents who expect entire families to be driving around seeing them on Xmas day. So selfish when they have had their turn with their kids.
Dh and I sit out at home, kids open their gifts and play, we have a great lunch, watch movies. If anyone wants to pop by we offer food and drinks but we absolutely do not go driving around spending the day pleasing everyone else. What’s wrong with your IL stopping by? They’re selfish that is why.

put your foot down and stay home. Your kids are growing up and you really don’t want to regret not doing things your way one day.
don’t feel guilted about their age, your kids are growing older too.

Up until the Covid lockdown, I'd never spent Christmas at home. Right from childhood to early adulthood, I'd spent Christmas being ferried between various relatives, spending all day at their houses. As a child, I just wanted to be at home, playing with my new toys! As a teen and adult, I just wanted peace and quiet and not to have to be on serving/cleaning duties, because that is what females were apparently for.

Christmas at home is liberating. You wake up whenever you like, eat what and when you want, and spend the day relaxing.

Yes, your parents and in-laws might be offended, but please do spend Christmas at home. It is an amazing feeling and you'll never want to be away from home at Christmastime again, especially when your children are young enough to enjoy the magic of it.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I’ve ready them all and been mulling it over today. It’s our turn to visit my parents but all my siblings situations are different this year and they may not want to travel so I’ll give my parents the option of coming to us for a change. They may like the idea of not hosting everyone for a change. If not I’m going to to a 3 year plan where we stay at home one year. I don’t know I didn’t think of this before! Thanks again x