AIBU to think this was an inappropriate use of benefits/child maintenance?

[ForRareKoala]

My mother lived on benefits/child maintenance from high income ex from age 0-13 while I was a child and from what I can gather was receiving about £2.5k a month total (I calculated this just now though it was probably even more in the past). We lived in a paid off house bought by my father so no mortgage.

Despite this there was never enough heating, not enough food so we were underweight (not drastically, but noticeable enough for regular comments) and I didn't notice it but my sister pointed out we both had far worse clothes than most people.

I think most the money went into her private pension which allowed her to retire very early and on (admittedly small) luxuries for herself. Even just little things such as her having a deep bath everyday while we had a short shower every other day kind of sucked.

I've spoke about this with my aunt (closest relative) who says the money "wasn't just for us", but AIBU to think that with this this much coming in we should have had a childhood where we didn't have to worry about the absolute basics?

Your mother was selfish and neglected you

Just realised I've made a mistake. It was £2.75k a month if you include "council tax support" and child benefits in addition to universal credit. I think she was getting money from my grandfather as well.

Being underweight means you were neglected, yes.

Yes, this was selfish of her.

Albeit as you see often from maintenance threads on here, some women do seem to regard maintenance as an income for themselves post-divorce, as they don’t have any intention of working.

@ForRareKoala if it was that much she wouldn't have got universal credit.....seems like a very high amount??

I can relate.

I remember my mums fancy dresses and hairdos and my dads fags and boozev while we lived in second hand clothes and food often ran short.

How did she still receive benefits with that income? Are you sure none of it was spousal support?

Yes the lack of food was neglect. Lack of heating is subjective, as are clothes (as long as they fit and are clean, they don’t need to be new).

So your mum didn’t have a job and had two children to look after, so how was she supposed to have a pension?

From what I can gather child maintenance doesn't affect benefits and DF was a high earner.

For 2 children in privately owned house with no mortgage in my childhood city I got UC £1419.09, council tax £146.12, child benefit £187.63 on the turn2us calculator.

It does sound neglectful yes. Did your mum work or not? Saying that she could retire early suggests she did work. But saying she lived on benefits suggests she didn’t.

Depending on your age, your mother may have been in receipt of tax credits rather than Universal Credit which were MUCH more generous

As far as I can tell, child maintenance doesn't affect benefits entitlement. Maybe this is wrong but lots of websites seem to say the same thing

State pension or by getting a job?

She got a job when I was about 13. From what I can gather, the benefits savings limit does not include private pensions so she paid money into this to stay under the limit.

Most Mums would put their kids' welfare first so yes, sorry, she was being selfish.

It was deducted pound for pound from council tax benefits and everything over a fiver was taken from income support.

Selfish cow! YANBU

Chid maintenance doesn't count as income for benefits purposes

How old are you? How far in the past was this?

Op your understanding is wrong. Prior to 2010 child maintenance was treated as income for benefits. It's only under universal credit since 2010 that maintenance is ignored. So prior to that date all the maintenance your mum received was deducted from her income support or working tax credit, depending which she received.i think there was a small disregard of about £25 per week. So her income was much less than you're imagining. Income support rates for a single parent with two children in 2010 was a little over £200 per week / £800 per month. From that the child maintenance was deducted, so even adding on some child benefit and council tax allowance she had less than half what you think she had.

It was selfish and neglectful. The money was for you and your sister. Admittedly some should have gone on utilities and groceries for everyone but it clearly didn't.

This is the shit my DM pulled. Nothing came before her wants but she made out she was going without.

I'm 28 now.

How do you know the benefits money went into private pension? Could the pension not have been built up from her job, or family / inheritance?

The system that long ago was very different.

I understand why you think it’s about the high income. But it isn’t really.

Your mum is a neglectful and poor mother. I know plenty of women on tiny incomes, scraping by, whose children eat decent meals. Not feeding your children adequately, unless you’re starving, is dreadful.

Are you sure?

I'm going to admit I'm not fully clued up but I thought benefits were much more generous in the past. It seems a little difficult to believe they've increased that much.

Then it's possible that whoever has told you that your mother had these specific sums from these specific sources is trying to wond you up/ stir up trouble. You very specifically state how much universal credit she received, but universal credit didn't come in until 2013, and you're talking about the period between 1997 and 2010/11.

Yes, when I had to claim income support in 2005 they contacted my ex to get him to pay child maintenance so it could be deducted from my benefits.

I'd also been claiming child tax credits which I believe weren't affected by child maintenance, but they were quite a new benefit then.