Answering the phone in the middle of a conversation?

[Tacocatgoatcheesepizza]

No it’s not a big deal, and no we didn’t have a big row about it, I’m just interested to know what other people think.

Yesterday DH and I were in the middle of a conversation (not about anything particularly important) His friend rang and he answered it, even though we were talking. He often does this, even in mealtimes which drives me mad. I think it’s rude and he should just call them back when we’re finished. He thinks he should answer the phone. He was also annoyed because his friend heard me complain that we were talking and he thinks that was rude of me.

YANBU - it is rude to answer the phone, he should just call friend back when we’re done in a few minutes

YABU - it’s ok to take the call as (DH’s argument) you don’t know what they want and it’s rude not not to pick up

That is awful.

I used to have a friend who constantly texted me when we were not together. Then when we met up there was no conversation she just sat on her phone texting other people and ignoring me.

It was like when she was actually in your company she caught up with the people she was ignoring when texting me.

I actually just got up and left 🤣

When i was growing up someone answered the house phone and spoke to the caller or got to person the call was for on the phone

I dont remember any of us saying 'I need to call you back i am the middle of a conversation with somone i live with' so no if someone gets called on a mobile i have no problems them answering it

That's what I should have done instead of sitting there like a mug. It's so humiliating and rude.

@PollyBellour relationship with phones has changed and the way they work.
In the past, we paid for individual phone calls and were conscious of the cost so there was more importance attached to them, i.e. if someone’s paying to call me it must be important so I’d better answer. It was more of an event than it is now and we often scheduled them.

Also, we didn’t have all the other forms of communication we do now (email, text, WhatsApp, social media etc)
We spent a lot less time on phones.

Totally different now obviously. If someone calls me and I’m busy with someone else, I’ll ever decline it or message to say I’ll call back later.

Unless there’s a good reason not to, I’d always answer the phone unless I think it’s a spam / marketing call. Everyone I know (except PIL!) would WhatsApp by default and only call if it’s urgent.

Yeah this would annoy me as by the sounds of it there was no reason for him to think it was anything important and he didn't even say excuse me to you.

It reads like how a teenager priorities their friends over their parents.

If we were having a casual conversation then my dh and I would answer, but we’d probably say ‘such and such is phoning me, back in a minute’.

I couldn't get worked up about DH answering the phone during a casual chat and I'd be pretty pissed off if he told me I wasn't allowed to answer my phone in the same scenario, tbh.

If it was during a meal then I'd not mind him answering in case it was urgent but I'd expect him to then say "I'm out with applepies, can I call you back?".

Yes, it’s generally rude to answer the phone while in the middle of a conversation, especially in the middle of a meal. That’s bad. Unless he knew it would be something urgent and he could say to you, “Sorry, I need to get this.” It’s very slavish over-dependence on the phone.

True. But in my experience people text rather than call unless its important. If I saw a text from one of my children I would ignore it if I was in the middle of a conversation but I would answer a call as it seems more urgent. But maybe that is just my experience.

@SilverCamellia it’s definitely a factor for some calls but honestly, dh and this particular friend speak on the phone most days so not unusual at all for him to be ringing - definitely not a cause for alarm!!

How would he react if you answered a call mid conversation with him?

I dont answer the phone when I have guests unless Im expecting an important call. If I did answer it would be a case of "Ive got someone here so Ill call you back later"

At the same time if I was on the phone and someone knocked the door I would take a look on the app (ring doorbell) and not bother to answer unless it was an expected visitor of the postie with a parcel.

This happenned all the time in my memory and still does now. I'm in the middle of dinner, watching a film, talking to my Dad, about to have a bath, take the dog out. I still say those things and hear my family say those things. We have different phone culture!😁

I'm with you OP.
For me it's mostly the fact that the phone was on silent and he answered without at least asking you to bear with him for a moment.
My sister did this to me a few times. We'd be out and about chatting away, and she'd suddenly pull her phone out of her pocket and start talking. But because her phone was on silent and she didn't warn me I'd be confused, wondering what she was talking about and usually say something like "huh? What are you on about?" ...then she'd get pissy and shush me 🙄

Wait until the end of any conversation. Unless you are both waiting for an important call. I cannot stand phones ringing in meetings either. It’s poor.

It's pretty damn rude to chatter away in the background of a call.

I think it's rude to take a call during a meal or an outing, or to engage in a long text thread. But I think that general chatter is fine. Or else we'd never talk to anyone.

Unless urgent, if always check if it were a good time for a chat.

But yeah, it's pretty bloody rude to chunter away in the background distracting your partner.

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis It’s rude to take the call when talking to partner. It’s saying they don’t matter. Let it “ring” (should be on silent!) and ring back. Just because there’s a call, it doesn’t have to interrupt a conversation. Why are people slaves to a phone? Unless you know there’s a vital one coming, ring back!

I think that's really odd and unhelpful actually, to deliberately ignore a call from your child.

That sort of behaviour from parents can cause problems.

Better to answer and ask what she thinks if you feel she is struggling with working things out.

Well, I know her better than you and I know that her default is always to ask me first and bother to try to work something out herself second. So I encourage her to do the second and one way is to not leap to attention every time she snaps her fingers.

It’s not my job as a parent to carefully remove every obstacle in her way. She has to learn to navigate the bumps herself. Having a way to contact your mum at your fingertips isn’t that helpful in learning independance.

It’s rude. I don’t mind so much with DH if it’s his (elderly and infirm) Mum or his Brother that does much of the care for her. If we’re in the middle of something then he’ll check it’s not an emergency and say he’ll call back. I had a friend who would answer to her boyfriend when we were out for a drink just the two of us and then chat to him for 10 minutes while I sat there like a lemon.

It’s incredibly rude to answer a phone call when you’re in the middle of a conversation - unless it’s a conversation of little consequence.

When I’m out with one of my closest friends, she regularly takes calls. We’ve only got an hour or two together, so I think this is v rude, and take out my phone and start scrolling emails etc.

But the flip side has always been you answer when it's convenient to you. If you are busy/in the middle of something you call them back.

the person who is calling convenience doesn't trump the call recipient's convenience.

my parents wouldn't answer a call during dinner. Their mantra was "if it's important, they will call back"

I think it's rude because if the friend barged in to your kitchen and immediately interrupted your conversation and started talking over you he would be considered rude.

We tell our children to wait and not to interrupt etc.

So I think it's rude to allow a phone call to interrupt in the same manner, mixed messages.

Honestly if someone actually called me or dh we would assume someone was dead (or his 88yr old grandma had some important gossip) so wouldn't mind at all dh answering the phone.

But absolutely hate people looking at messges mid conversion. We also have a no phones at dinner table rule that I'm 'gently' enforcing