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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

GagMeWithASpoon · 04/10/2025 11:49

PollyBell · 04/10/2025 11:33

And where are the parents of all these poor children who suffer? Using culture shouldn't stop charges being made against the parents

The girl was in a residential care home. A lot of these girls were in care , or living in poverty/chaotic home lives.

Florencesndzebedee · 04/10/2025 11:57

I’m pretty sure they’ll have been struck off the social work register and agree they should also be investigated. I got the impression from the coverage that the social worker was male but can’t be sure.

Florencesndzebedee · 04/10/2025 11:59

I wonder if by ‘key social worker’ it was someone from the care home rather than a local authority worker? Either way it’s shocking.

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 12:01

@Florencesndzebedee children's residential care homes don't have social work roles. The articles say that the care home staff were concerned about what was happening.

Ddakji · 04/10/2025 12:03

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 11:05

@Ddakji I'm aware of that judgement, and funnily enough I'm aware of the regulatory body that I work under. What I cannot fathom is to why you are trying to shoehorn transphobia and your agenda against 'lefties' into this discussion. It's a poor attempt at attention grabbing and insulting to the victim of this story.

“Transphobia”? Oh dear, you really haven’t learned anything from the highly damning judgement in this case that was all about accusing Rachel Meade, wrongly, of “transphobia” when she highlighted valid concerns, and is such a good example of where ideology can lead some social workers astray, disastrously and criminally in this case.

I think it’s your biases that are being highlighted here, not mine.

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 12:10

@Ddakji my bias of respecting the story of this young girl by not detailing the thread with something entirely irrelevant? I mean, you could report me to my regulator, or you could just post in one of the many, many anti trans threads on Mumsnet.

BigOldBlobsy · 04/10/2025 12:13

Lostthefairytale · 04/10/2025 06:33

As a former social worker I read the title and was ready to argue. Then I read the article. Although it gives very little detail I can't imagine any context that could give any tiny amount of justification to this. It's an incredible breach of trust.

The victim is right that the social worker should have been charged too. By attending they normalised the abuse making it less likely that the child would be able to, it even understand the need to seek help. They were absolutely part of the abuse and deserve to be punished accordingly.

same. As a social worker and therapist, what in the living hell would possess you to 1.) not be reporting this and 2.) attend it! Horrific! I hope it isn’t true as not much info is actually given

SpecialPatrolGroupp · 04/10/2025 12:23

I was a social worker working with looked after children in Bradford at this time and knew Anwar. I’m shocked and appalled to hear he did this, but not also entirely surprised. It was a very different time and the impact of trauma on the nervous system and the fawn response were not at all understood. We worked with girls who were desperate to get to their abusers. They would climb out of windows to jump in the cars. We would move them out of the county, and they would find a phone, ring the abusers and be picked up within hours. They were convinced they were their ‘boyfriend’ and loved them, and they had very little love in their lives. We worked hard to try and show them they were being exploited, but it never worked. We constantly provided information to the police who usually did nothing, with a few exceptions, because the girls were ‘choosing’ to go. Of course we understand now that when you are fearful for your life, you don’t always run/fight. You please and comply in order to survive. A bit like Stockholm syndrome. It’s not conscious but deeply reactive. I remember feeling so helpless at how to protect children I cared about. I was so relieved when this started to be taken seriously by the police and senior leaders and resource was put in to specialist services. So many girls were failed. 😞

Ddakji · 04/10/2025 12:24

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 12:10

@Ddakji my bias of respecting the story of this young girl by not detailing the thread with something entirely irrelevant? I mean, you could report me to my regulator, or you could just post in one of the many, many anti trans threads on Mumsnet.

If I knew who you were I would report you in heartbeat as you are clearly in hock to a toxic sexist, homophobic ideology that may well lead to you not putting vulnerable children first. Shame on you.

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 12:31

@SpecialPatrolGroupp I wasnt a social worker at the time but working in residential homes and hostels and I can empathise. We didn't have the words but we knew it was wrong, but we didn't now how to stop it. The police saw the girls as a nuisance and just wanted us to move them to a different home, but that would make them more vulnerable - moving them away from family and friends and they would have still been obviously vulnerable to dangerous adults.

YelloDaisy · 04/10/2025 12:34

There are probably young Asian girls being married off as we speak - a family member? An arranged marriage?
This normal in some groups.

It’s as if it’s easy to convince a young confused ,unloved,family less, girl that no,you should stay lonely and depressed in the care home, or just go and sleep on the streets. You can’t marry into the family who will take you in and give you status and home life. Not good but what options do you think there are when there’s no public money, no nice housing, lack of SW and carers or support workers.
People seem to be in white western bubbles

Netcurtainnelly · 04/10/2025 12:36

Sw was probably in on it.

TiredofLDN · 04/10/2025 12:40

SpecialPatrolGroupp · 04/10/2025 12:23

I was a social worker working with looked after children in Bradford at this time and knew Anwar. I’m shocked and appalled to hear he did this, but not also entirely surprised. It was a very different time and the impact of trauma on the nervous system and the fawn response were not at all understood. We worked with girls who were desperate to get to their abusers. They would climb out of windows to jump in the cars. We would move them out of the county, and they would find a phone, ring the abusers and be picked up within hours. They were convinced they were their ‘boyfriend’ and loved them, and they had very little love in their lives. We worked hard to try and show them they were being exploited, but it never worked. We constantly provided information to the police who usually did nothing, with a few exceptions, because the girls were ‘choosing’ to go. Of course we understand now that when you are fearful for your life, you don’t always run/fight. You please and comply in order to survive. A bit like Stockholm syndrome. It’s not conscious but deeply reactive. I remember feeling so helpless at how to protect children I cared about. I was so relieved when this started to be taken seriously by the police and senior leaders and resource was put in to specialist services. So many girls were failed. 😞

The full case review is available online. It’s an absolutely jaw dropping account of successive and often concurrent safeguarding failures by (then) Education Bradford, WYP, maternity staff, community members, third sector community projects… she was just failed by everyone from start to finish- and whilst that SW should never have attended the nikah, there are so many dreadful things that happened (or didn’t happen), its the tip of the iceberg, but it represents an individual failure of professional and personal judgement. What’s more shocking to me are the systemic failures on every level. It’s an awful read.

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 12:50

@TiredofLDN do you have a link, or the title of review to search it? I had a quick look but couldn't find it.

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/10/2025 14:19

GagMeWithASpoon · 04/10/2025 11:48

Technically , since it’s not a legally binding ceremony, no permission is needed. No official notice given , or records etc. So no one would know , other than the people involved.
Also , as a manager , you wouldn’t necessarily know what one of your employees do in their private time, at the weekend, after work, or even necessarily in work hours i.e. “home visit”.

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The child was in residential care, I’d expect any form of marriage involving a child to be the subject of case discussion and I’d certainly not expect a practicing social worker to be seeing people they are supporting in their free time without anyone knowing about it. Somewhere along the line either the social worker has gone rogue and breached professional standards of conduct or there’s been a culture of really lax standards in safeguarding. Knowing attitudes at the time I could guess that both were happening at the same time.

GagMeWithASpoon · 04/10/2025 15:40

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/10/2025 14:19

The child was in residential care, I’d expect any form of marriage involving a child to be the subject of case discussion and I’d certainly not expect a practicing social worker to be seeing people they are supporting in their free time without anyone knowing about it. Somewhere along the line either the social worker has gone rogue and breached professional standards of conduct or there’s been a culture of really lax standards in safeguarding. Knowing attitudes at the time I could guess that both were happening at the same time.

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I’d say definitely the first one, with the second being quite likely. All in all a shit show regardless.

TheignT · 04/10/2025 16:22

Trodincatsickagain · 04/10/2025 09:59

It’s not the social workers fault though is it? It was the government and local authority that decided to turn a blind eye and sweep it all under the carpet for fear of being accused of racism.

It happens with white perpetrators as well. A friend was foster mother to a teenager with a baby. She would go out at night and was having sex with multiple local white men. Foster mother was told she couldn't stop her even though the foster mother was only responsible for caring for the baby while the girl was at school.

Her other foster child said men were queuing up for their "turn" behind a local amusement arcade. It was very sad.

SW said it was her choice. I think she was 15 at the time.

TheignT · 04/10/2025 16:24

TiredofLDN · 04/10/2025 12:40

The full case review is available online. It’s an absolutely jaw dropping account of successive and often concurrent safeguarding failures by (then) Education Bradford, WYP, maternity staff, community members, third sector community projects… she was just failed by everyone from start to finish- and whilst that SW should never have attended the nikah, there are so many dreadful things that happened (or didn’t happen), its the tip of the iceberg, but it represents an individual failure of professional and personal judgement. What’s more shocking to me are the systemic failures on every level. It’s an awful read.

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I think the Imam is also at fault, I don't think Islam supports forced marriage but regardless id hope as a human being of any faith he'd realise it was wrong.

TheEmptyCabinBag · 04/10/2025 19:10

Safeguarding training and registers are needed for religious leaders, especially when they are authorised to perform religious rituals. Even if the girl had said nothing to the imam, she would have looked scared, uncomfortable. It would have been evident. It's chilling how this was allowed to happen.

Uggbootsforever · 04/10/2025 19:13

Fear and appeasement.

Uggbootsforever · 04/10/2025 19:13

TheignT · 04/10/2025 16:24

I think the Imam is also at fault, I don't think Islam supports forced marriage but regardless id hope as a human being of any faith he'd realise it was wrong.

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’Islam’ supports very little of what its followers actually do. It’s the actions that count though sadly.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 04/10/2025 19:16

soulofmysoul · 04/10/2025 09:21

Terrible either way but I’m trying to understand if he’s 42 now does that mean he was also young in the early 2000’s so a similar age to his victim? I’m not sure if the mail are misrepresenting with their reporting or if I have missed the point. Either way forced marriage is obviously wrong.

Early 20s and age 13 to 15 are not a similar age whatsoever and matters little when raping someone.

LadyPiglet · 04/10/2025 19:24

Hibernatingtilspring · 04/10/2025 11:00

Curious if anyone here would know if the SW had broken any law? As in, I genuinely can't think of how this would be covered in law and whether there is gap in the law that needs to be addressed.
Goes without saying that there is fitness too practice but that only covers registration and possibly being barred from working with children or vulnerable people.

I think it could amount to misconduct in public office

TheEmptyCabinBag · 04/10/2025 20:34

@Hibernatingtilspring The SW would be breaking the law if this were to happen today. The Crime and Policing Bill has been updated. There's a legal duty for individuals in key role to report abuse when they become aware of it.
I'd have to check when it was brough it, it was either earlier this year or towards the end of 2024.
It raises the question who would take action though.

AzureCats · 04/10/2025 21:49

Florencesndzebedee · 04/10/2025 11:57

I’m pretty sure they’ll have been struck off the social work register and agree they should also be investigated. I got the impression from the coverage that the social worker was male but can’t be sure.

They were still registered up until 2022 so there's that.