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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Apparently I starve DH of attention

45 replies

Travellingwifey88 · 03/10/2025 20:04

Dh is in a sulking as he has (again) accused me of not giving him any attention

Today's sulking started because i've been away with work for a few days (left Tueaday afternoon, 2 full days of work networking, long days and lots of travelling, got home late last night after a stressful flight and train delay) in all fairness he has done all the school runs etc while I was away, however I normally do these every week as his shifts don't normally let him do it (I have to book my travel around his work so for 2 days he went in an hour later and finished an hour later)

For context I travel maybe once every 6 months. Over the summer holidays he has 4 solo holidays (not work trips) which ranged from 2 nights to 6 nights away

Today was a normal work day, so althought I started about an hour later than normal due to being tired (and after uploading the dishwasher and putting a load of washing on as no one done any washing while I was away) I still had to work. Kids also have an inset day so i've wfh while looking after them

Dh has come home, I came out of the office area I work in to say hi, asked him about his day, and then said I have to go back for a call

He's now in a strop because apparently because I have been away I should have stayed out longer, given him a cuddle and spent time with him and the kids

He finishes at 2, I finish at 5 so I still had a significant amount of the work day left, I am already behind due to the travelling and I wanted to finish a bit early to spend time with the family

His second strop is because the kids are watching a film so I was doing some bits on my iPad (dh is on his phone) and he looked over and asked what I was doing and as I haven't seen the kids I should be with them...while i'm sat next to them and they're watching a film

I'm so tired, my social battery is drained and DH is moaning I'm starving him of attention

Is it me?

OP posts:
Chazbots · 03/10/2025 21:16

You only have so much resource.

It sounds like you're burnt out.

user1492809438 · 03/10/2025 21:20

Is he worth it? The lack of respect, love and support are screaming.

Endofyear · 03/10/2025 21:32

I honestly couldn't be arsed putting up with this! Tell him there's nothing less attractive than a sulky man-baby and if he wants you to want to spend time with him, he should try being better company. Get the kids to bed and take yourself off for a long soak in a hot bath and a big glass of wine 🍷 then get comfy in bed and have a lovely night's sleep in your own bed. Leave him to his sulks!

Summerhillsquare · 03/10/2025 21:49

Sounds to me like he doesn't think your job is 'real' work. I had one like that, he assumed he was more important and fascinating, even when I earned more and did objectively more interesting things! Looking back I think he was jealous.

Polyestered · 03/10/2025 21:55

Christ alive that would give me the ick. How pathetic of him. Nothing worse than a man child.

comealongdobbeh · 03/10/2025 21:59

Travellingwifey88 · 03/10/2025 21:10

Ok so to clarify a few points

I got home last night. He was awake, although we went to bed soon after I got in (it was around 11) and he was up at 6am for work so we did see each other last night

We spoke everyday while I was away so he knew about my trip, however he openly admits that he finds my work boring and isn't interested in what i do - however I have time listen to what he does at work

I came out and said hello when he got home but was jumping between calls so it was a quick hello, kids are fine, sorry I have another call type thing, he thinks I should have sacked the call off to spend time with him (which obviously i can't do)

I did try and talk to him while he had his dinner (he wanted a specific meal tonight which I don't like so we ate at slightly different times) so I came out and sat with him ti talk and spend time with him - he accused me of interrupting his quiet time

I was on my ipad while he was on his and the kids were watching a film.

What is his response when you point out the contradictions
and double-standards?

ChaliceinWonderland · 03/10/2025 22:02

Make him your ex, another 20, 30,years of this? Jesus I'm drained reading. Honestly, life is sooo much better after divorce. I cannot describe the sense of freedom!!
Think seriously. Make you're first move. ...

1apenny2apenny · 03/10/2025 22:04

His lack of respect and love for you screams out from your posts. He clearly thinks your work trips are jollies, how does he get 4 solo trips and you 0?

The fact that you came home to no washing having been done and a partner who thinks he demand you give him and the children your 100% attention tells you he is sadly another of the self centred men that think they should be in charge. Give him an earful and tell him he needs to get with the programme or he can ship out.

deveronvalley · 03/10/2025 22:07

My husband was away for 2 weeks with work, home for a week, now away again. He didn’t have much to say to me when he was home, didnt cuddle or kiss me even once. It’s been like this for a long time. I’m thinking about leaving him. I don’t think I’m a whiny brat or a sex pest to want a normal relationship with some physical or emotional intimacy. It’s sad to end up like this after 25 years and I’ve given up instigating, if you love each other please try and make time.

blizymitzy · 03/10/2025 22:08

Seriously op
why are you staying in this marriage?
It really really shouldn’t be this difficult .

Fiftyandme · 03/10/2025 22:10

He’s just another child

Fiftyandme · 03/10/2025 22:13

correction - Hes a coercively controlling child.

toxicjobrec · 03/10/2025 22:27

i feel suffocated and annoyed just reading what you've written here. Starve him of being married, too.

Cherryicecreamx · 03/10/2025 22:29

Ugh he sounds demanding.. and harder work than the kids! You finish work at 5 yet at 2pm he's annoyed you're not skiving off to give him some attention!
Also seems like it's ok for him to go galavanting on trips for however long he wants but you can barely get away for a couple days for work.
This would make want to give him even less attention - he sounds needy and selfish which isn't the most attractive qualities!

Cardinalita90 · 03/10/2025 22:30

This is giving off emotional abuse / control vibes in that you can't do anything right. Be careful. Might be worth a firm conversation to nip in the bud and if he carries on perhaps a marriage therapy session.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 03/10/2025 22:43

Is this you? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5331770-dh-not-centre-of-attention

Why are you tolerating this? You keep posting, don’t really engage with what’s said, then continue trying to placate him instead of standing up for yourself. Why?

MoominMai · 03/10/2025 22:47

It tells me he’s selfish and doesn’t truly love OP in the sense that he has zero care for what support she may need. It’s all about him and his needs being met. Another man child.

BernardButlersBra · 04/10/2025 09:19

Moveoverdarlin · 03/10/2025 21:00

If I hadn’t seen my husband since Tuesday and he walked in on a Friday afternoon from work I would have to say I’d at least hug and kiss him. Not to necessarily give him attention, but that’s just what I’d / we’d do.

Edited

If my husband was away with work, then l would still sort washing and not expect him to do it when he gets back

toomuchfaff · 04/10/2025 12:51

OMG I absolutely could not be arsed with people who sulk and strop, is he 12?

And because you didnt immediately drop everything as soon as he walked in and ravage him? ffs...

user1492809438 · 04/10/2025 12:56

Dear God, why are you still with him?

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