Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I starve DH of attention

45 replies

Travellingwifey88 · 03/10/2025 20:04

Dh is in a sulking as he has (again) accused me of not giving him any attention

Today's sulking started because i've been away with work for a few days (left Tueaday afternoon, 2 full days of work networking, long days and lots of travelling, got home late last night after a stressful flight and train delay) in all fairness he has done all the school runs etc while I was away, however I normally do these every week as his shifts don't normally let him do it (I have to book my travel around his work so for 2 days he went in an hour later and finished an hour later)

For context I travel maybe once every 6 months. Over the summer holidays he has 4 solo holidays (not work trips) which ranged from 2 nights to 6 nights away

Today was a normal work day, so althought I started about an hour later than normal due to being tired (and after uploading the dishwasher and putting a load of washing on as no one done any washing while I was away) I still had to work. Kids also have an inset day so i've wfh while looking after them

Dh has come home, I came out of the office area I work in to say hi, asked him about his day, and then said I have to go back for a call

He's now in a strop because apparently because I have been away I should have stayed out longer, given him a cuddle and spent time with him and the kids

He finishes at 2, I finish at 5 so I still had a significant amount of the work day left, I am already behind due to the travelling and I wanted to finish a bit early to spend time with the family

His second strop is because the kids are watching a film so I was doing some bits on my iPad (dh is on his phone) and he looked over and asked what I was doing and as I haven't seen the kids I should be with them...while i'm sat next to them and they're watching a film

I'm so tired, my social battery is drained and DH is moaning I'm starving him of attention

Is it me?

OP posts:
MagicLoop · 03/10/2025 20:07

He sounds like a whiny child.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 03/10/2025 20:07

Tell the big baby to grow up

Chazbots · 03/10/2025 20:08

Aw, bless, you have a wee whingy baby.

Reverse it, what would he say if he had your schedule & you complained?

RhaenysRocks · 03/10/2025 20:08

Is he upset that you didn't drag him straight off to the bedroom? Twat.

Greentopping · 03/10/2025 20:09

Good lord, does he have no empathy at all.

nutbrownhare15 · 03/10/2025 20:09

What an unattractive man. Sounds like he's punishing you for daring to go away so he has to look after his own family. Is sulking typical for him? It sounds like he may well be abusive beyond this behaviour.

Original poster
Travellingwifey88 · 03/10/2025 20:15

RhaenysRocks · 03/10/2025 20:08

Is he upset that you didn't drag him straight off to the bedroom? Twat.

This is think is part of it

He's always like this. If hes not the centre of attention he will moan. He has complained before that the kids get more attention than him

He has before expected me to log off in the middle of the day while the kids have been at school/nursery to go and fun in the bedroom when I am meant to be working

I am literally dead on my feet, I want to go snd sit in a dark room and sleep but hes sulking as he wants to spend time with me...but then won't talk to me as i've annoyed him

OP posts:
Keroppi · 03/10/2025 20:20

Sorry, he sounds like a selfish sex pest. If he wanted a cuddle he could've asked for one or said something to that effect "I've really missed you, let's spend some time together this evening if you can after work"

Instead he is expecting you to mind read and is annoyed you haven't initiated physical affection or sex as soon as you've logged off.
You could broach this with him "are you ready to talk properly or are you just going to be in a mood" or you could ignore the passive aggressive sulk until he says something properly.. it may drag on the weekend tho

SeaAndStars · 03/10/2025 20:35

I don't know what would annoy me more, the whinging or the sulking.

He's got a bloody nerve when you factor in the "he has 4 solo holidays (not work trips) which ranged from 2 nights to 6 nights away".

Could you trade him in for a puppy? Might be just as needy and clingy but won't require anything other than a bit of the duvet in bed.

Vaxtable · 03/10/2025 20:35

Just let him sulk don’t apologise, don’t speak to him, let him come round when he wants to grow up

then have a conversation about how sulking is so off putting and unattractive, that you have been away, come straight back in after long travelling to do household tasks including washing that he could have done to make it easier for you

i would also tell him he has to accept that there are times you are tired, you work longer hours on the day than him (the 3pm/5pm) and that you can’t just drop everything, would he if the situation was revered and he was working?

Tell him that every time he sulks he will be left to get on with it

Original poster
Travellingwifey88 · 03/10/2025 20:44

I will admit giving him attention isn't always my first thought but I have tried to explain to him so many times that wfh between 9-5 is work, just because i'm home doesn't mean i don't work (he won't wfh)

I will stop for a couple of minutes here and there to sort washing out (chuck a load in the machine and then when finished put on the airer) but I am still working

If in the evening when the kids have gone to bed I don't sit next to him on the sofa, he'll moan that i haven't sat next to him and that i should want to cuddle up etc

If i don't message him during the day he moans, or if I don't reply quickly enough that's an issue but I can have to wait ages for him to reply because he's 'busy'

Its draining

OP posts:
AlteFrau · 03/10/2025 20:47

What are his good qualities? (If any.)

Didimum · 03/10/2025 20:52

I don’t think either of you are in the right or wrong. Sounds like a bit of passive aggressive and non-communication from both ends.

Chazbots · 03/10/2025 20:53

I'd be divorcing him, I think.

LooseCanyon · 03/10/2025 20:56

So your DH wants/needs some attention from you, and you're angry about that?

Would you prefer that he was just, oh, there she is, whatever...?

Notthatgameagain · 03/10/2025 20:57

Hmm I can see both sides here tbh. Sounds like you literally give him nothing though. Your either working or on your phone? Do you not want to talk to him when your not at work etc?. I can see where he is coming from.if it's always like this. ( Better armour up now ready for the onslaught! Since I had gone against the grain!).

Moveoverdarlin · 03/10/2025 21:00

If I hadn’t seen my husband since Tuesday and he walked in on a Friday afternoon from work I would have to say I’d at least hug and kiss him. Not to necessarily give him attention, but that’s just what I’d / we’d do.

neveradmit17 · 03/10/2025 21:04

My ex was like this, whiny and needy. Do you also find that, even if you really try to pay him loads of attention, it is still never enough? That's what I had, and it's one of the reasons I divorced him. You must be exhausted, I hope you manage to get some rest.

SummerInSun · 03/10/2025 21:04

I’m with all PP - he needs to grow up. But I think the bigger question is that actually he may be sensing the truth - you have been apart for a couple of stressful days and you are back and aren’t fussed about talking together. That is telling. When either my DH or I travel for work, especially if it was a stressful trip, the way we want to relax when we get back is by telling each other all about it and hearing from the other what we’ve missed at home and so on. No way would he be in his phone and me on the iPad. We’d be chatting over a glass of wine or cup of tea while the kids watch their movie. Ask yourself - as you were coming home, were you looking forward to seeing him? Because if not, that’s telling…

DollydaydreamTheThird · 03/10/2025 21:08

I feel drained reading your posts OP you have my sympathy. I'm neurodiverse so that kind of relationship would be a hard no from me. I hope you work things out but it sounds like your cup is a bit empty. You need to have a proper chat with him and tell him how it makes you feel. It sounds a bit suffocating to me.

MumoftwoNC · 03/10/2025 21:09

He does sound like a needy pest but also... you don't sound like you like him at all (probably justified).

I love cuddling my husband on the sofa and chatting about our day.

Your h can tell you don't really like being around him and this is his (annoying) reaction to that.

I'm not sure if there is a solution

Original poster
Travellingwifey88 · 03/10/2025 21:10

Ok so to clarify a few points

I got home last night. He was awake, although we went to bed soon after I got in (it was around 11) and he was up at 6am for work so we did see each other last night

We spoke everyday while I was away so he knew about my trip, however he openly admits that he finds my work boring and isn't interested in what i do - however I have time listen to what he does at work

I came out and said hello when he got home but was jumping between calls so it was a quick hello, kids are fine, sorry I have another call type thing, he thinks I should have sacked the call off to spend time with him (which obviously i can't do)

I did try and talk to him while he had his dinner (he wanted a specific meal tonight which I don't like so we ate at slightly different times) so I came out and sat with him ti talk and spend time with him - he accused me of interrupting his quiet time

I was on my ipad while he was on his and the kids were watching a film.

OP posts:
MumoftwoNC · 03/10/2025 21:12

You don't have to justify yourself to us!

The question is, do you like him? Do you want to spend time with him?

It's not about working out who's to blame, just work out what you actually want

Tiswa · 03/10/2025 21:13

He just sounds selfish and frankly awful

what does he bring to your world

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2025 21:14

You can't do right for being wrong, can you?

Swipe left for the next trending thread