To not attend conference last minute?

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I’ve written a paper which was accepted to a conference. It is in two weeks. I am expected to pay to attend (I know it’s weird I’ve had this conversation but it’s what we do for some reason) and because of the expense many people have chosen not to go. It is too expensive for me. There is a fund we can apply to but it’s really hard to get money from them and I was rejected, so MONTHS ago I said I wasn’t going.

This week a senior colleague realised this was the case and because they were relying on me to talk about the paper they have offered to pay for me out of the department budget.

I have two issues here:

1 - I have applied for another job and if I get it I will essentially have accepted money from the department to just hand in my notice, which I don’t want to do.

2 - the bigger one - I am in the middle of my fertility treatment protocol, with scheduled appointments clashing with the dates of this conference (which is over four days)

I don’t want to tell colleagues about either of these, but I’m struggling to come up with a decent excuse! I am really being pressured to accept. It would be a big deal for me re: networking and presenting my work but.. it’s not my priority at the moment.

Make an excuse or pull a colleague to the side and explain? Good excuses welcome

Deadline of Monday to let them know

"Sorry, I have some important medical appointments I have to attend during that time".

Also I said last minute in the title just because I feel like this is last minute for them to offer… so like last minute arrangements.

just realised it sounds like I was going and am pulling out last minute which is not the case - apologies if it read like that

Yes this is surely exactly what you need to say (and probably should have already when it was mentioned).

Reason 1 isn’t an issue as you would be accepting and attending whilst employed by them so irrelevant if you then hand your notice in the following week.

reason 2 is your conundrum. If you want to go (ignoring reason 1) could you make alternative arrangements for your appointments/treatment?

if not or if you just don’t want to go then I’d just tell them you have a couple of medical appointments that can’t be rearranged but I wouldn’t tell them what they are. If you feel they may probe just tell them you now have commitments outside of work that you cannot cancel.

‘Sorry I have medical appointments booked that can’t be rescheduled’ I’m surprised you didn’t just say this straightaway - the fact that you have stalled telling them why you can’t go will now look like you are making it up though! Also surprised that you are job hunting and undergoing fertility treatment in that you should keep your life as stress free as possible when undergoing fertility treatment. Good luck with it all!

What has already been posted, it’s no harder than saying you won’t be going, as you have medical appointments scheduled, end of conversation.

I do want to go but I don’t really want to interrupt the protocol when I’ve already started drugs etc - it would be a waste of time and money.

they will 10000 percent probe

I guess I am overthinking because I really wanted to go but wish they had offered to do this months ago

Is your attendance at this conference something that would look really good if mentioned in your ongoing job application process?

A prospective employer may wonder why you did not present at the conference if you are applying within the same arena of work.

Job hunting in the same company to be fair but would move buildings

and I’m trying not to put my life on hold for something that might not work out but it’s so hard! Some people saying similar to you, some say keep your life as normal as you can

makes me feel crazy 🤣

Can you attend part of the conference to present your work and still attend your medical appointments? I know it’s not your priority at the moment, but you’re in the process of changing jobs and, Honestky, you don’t know how long it might take for you to conceive. You may benefit from the public profile in your new role and you may end up working there for a good while despite TTC.

Yes it will look good for any future employment and people will definitely wonder why I haven’t presented.

When I said I wasn’t sure straight away to the offer there was a lot of pushback - obviously it does look strange why I am being weird about going to talk about my own work

It’s abroad so cant really attend part time looking at timings (also at timings of when I’m supposed to talk)

if they had offered before I just wouldn’t have scheduled this month

You just need to allude to your medical procedures without going into details, someone had some good wording upthread.

I think I’d go.
What part of your IVF protocol does it interfere with? Obviously if it’s egg collection, then my answer would be different. If it’s follicle count or something, it can wait 4 days. I’d reschedule that.

Is this an academic conference and you work at a university?

I think the IVF takes priority. Tell boss you have a fixed medical appointment that can’t be moved and don’t be drawn on why. Just say “I have a private medical appointment on X day and can’t travel”

is there anyone else who can present the paper at the conference? Often it is an honour to present so someone else might be prepared to go.

It’s a medical research paper

It is a big honour to speak, but no one really wants to do it last minute. There has obviously just been really poor communication because the consultant seems to only just know I’m not going despite me having said this since about July.

it makes it so hard because any other scenario I would have bitten their hand off to present

As pp said I think it depends a bit which part of your protocol you’re in. Some parts are more time-sensitive than others. I had to reschedule our FET cycle because of work (had a trial that would’ve clashed with transfer date) and was gutted at the time, but in the end we won the trial and the cycle the following month was successful so all worked out nicely! I agree if you want to get out of it then the wording about medical appointments is sensible

I'm an academic so I have some idea how conferences work.

Yes, it is an honour to present but there will be other conferences and other papers. if the paper gets pulled from the conference, that is on the senior author who didn't go, not on you as a more junior author.

Don't risk your IVF or lose money on your treatments because other's in the research team are in a muddle.

Just say on repeat 'I have a unchangeable medical appointment and I can't travel'.

Can you present remotely? Then you can at least do the presentation even if you have to miss the networking etc.

If lots of people have dropped out the organisers may be open to that where they weren't before, especially if you mention the need not to cancel medical procedures and they will still get your full fee as if you were attending.

I have some important private medicical appointments to attend that can't be rescheduled at this late stage and therefore I can't travel. I don't want to get into the details of the medical appointments with anyone other than my manager at this stage. I did try to get funding to go x months ago and had you offered to pay at the time I could have arranged a different time for my appointments but it isn't something that can be delayed so unfortunately I cannot attend.

I think it's usual to share details of medical appointments with managers though?

Can you ask to present virtually or even record your presentation in advance. We have certainly had people present papers in this format.

No it really isn’t. Your medical information is private and you don’t need to tell the manager why you have an appointment.