Why do you allow your teen on Snapchat?

[KimGa]

DS is about to turn 14. All his mates are on Snapchat, he’s coming to me daily upset that he’s left out because I won’t allow him to download it and that’s how they all communicate.

When he asked for it I read up on it and tried downloading it myself to see whether it would be ok. The Stories / discover page is absolutely full of soft core porn videos and loads of other crap. From what I have read it’s not possible to turn this feature off.

I’m shocked at all the other parents being ok with this app - do people not realise what it’s like or think it’s harmless?

I don’t want him to be left out but I don’t think I can say yes to this.

Mine are both on it (17/19) and are fine. It’s how they communicate with their friends. Dh has joined it and gets far more response from them on that than WhatsApp! It’s just the app the young use not some demonic entity.

The reactance theory, scarcity principle, Streisand effect, forbidden fruit effect...all known psychological reactions to something becoming more attractive when forbidden.

Again, teaching positive behaviours can also reduce addiction. Social media is going to be around for a while, education is imperative. Its not the 'thing' thats the issue, its how we interact with the 'thing'.

I have a 15-year-old and a 13-year-old. They are not allowed Snapchat, Tik Tok or Instagram.

Guardian article about UK Snapchat predator jailed for 14 years for raping a 12 year old girl and exploiting dozens of others:

https://share.google/BGzUqggCPzJyIp30d

My dd is only 12 but she’s not allowed it. At the moment most of her friends aren’t allowed it either. Dd doesn’t want it yet as she is already aware of the bad sides- cat-fishing and sending threatening messages.

My worry would be more about what other people send her, not her behaviour. For us we won’t let her have it at the moment, but maybe at some point.

There is a lot of very very naive parents on this thread. It’s shocking

I don’t and they’ve never asked. 14 and 13.

Also to add, my children do not have it but don't seem to be left the loop with friends and social activities at all, they use texts or just speak in person.

Those who give into peer pressure are poor role models. Let your children have what you want them to have but don't do it because of what their peers do or don't have! Have some values!

My 13 year old DS has it as do all his friends. Location is always turned off. No soft porn (not that teen girls dancing in a bikini is soft porn- such a weird thing to say about kids).

I have it too and have never seen anything of concern. We’ve had the talk about the importance of being safe with your information, not talking to people you don’t know, never sending compromising photos of yourself and reporting anything you may ever receive. DS is a very sensible boy though so although I do often check his phone and he has usage restrictions, I am happy he uses his phone appropriately. His social life is important to him and so I feel it’s important he is able to navigate apps safely with my guidance while he’s younger as opposed to just suddenly being allowed every app ever when he’s 16 with no experience, or having apps that he hides from me.

I just don’t buy this idea that social media is now the only way to have friends, therefore you have to teach kids to use it. There are so many ways to exist in the world and there are people, even young people, who just don’t use it.

Teen and young adult mental health is at an all time low, in big part thanks to social media. Tonnes of research very clearly showing this.

But it’s easier to let kids do what they want, isn’t it?

If parents collectively banned the use of SM designed to be addictive and harmful and only accepted apps that promoted healthier and safer communication, we wouldn’t have the issue of ‘oh but everyone else has it’.

Saying that teens need to learn to ‘self regulate early’ on SM is ridiculous. I’m now seeing people taking about toddlers needing iPads to learn to be tech savvy - wtf? Teen brains are underdeveloped. SM is the last thing they need during their hugely sensitive years.

How did we as parents end up just quietly accepting tech companies running an ongoing experiment on kids?

Snapchat is involved in a LOT of 'adults communicating sexually with minors' type offences, depressingly enough. Unfortunately I know a bit about this from a previous job. Luckily 13yo DS hasn't shown any interest, but I'd be quite wary for that reason, especially if I had a DD.

My DD is 14 and she's not on it. I have no intention of letting her have it. 'Everyone' is a myth.

I have it as does my 15 year old. We have nothing like you describe on our feeds. I also regularly check their phone and have never seen anything like that on there.

My DS who is 13 has just got it. I downloaded it too so we can use the family center, his location is turned off, stories have the restriction on and he can only be friends with or chat to people in his phone contacts. I can also see from my account who his friends are and who he has been chatting to. We have also restricted the time he's allowed to spend on it daily, which we have done with all his apps.

How do you check messages if they disappear?

My DD is so left out of her peer group for not having it but I havent seen one single argument that makes the pros better than the cons?

I spent a short amount of time on Snapchat in order to see what it was about and get a sense of whether it was problematic. Within that time I got to see some harmless beauty videos, following which the algorithm decided the next step was to show me videos promoting self harm. I got to see some dancing teenagers having fun, followed up by some really disturbing misogynistic content.

Not in a million years are my kids getting access to it.

The disappearing messages are also a perfect cover for bullying and sexting.