Why do you allow your teen on Snapchat?

[KimGa]

DS is about to turn 14. All his mates are on Snapchat, he’s coming to me daily upset that he’s left out because I won’t allow him to download it and that’s how they all communicate.

When he asked for it I read up on it and tried downloading it myself to see whether it would be ok. The Stories / discover page is absolutely full of soft core porn videos and loads of other crap. From what I have read it’s not possible to turn this feature off.

I’m shocked at all the other parents being ok with this app - do people not realise what it’s like or think it’s harmless?

I don’t want him to be left out but I don’t think I can say yes to this.

Then I’m not really sure why you’re disagreeing with me 🤷‍♀️

Your DD has Snapchat and other social media with open lines of communication with her parents as does mine.

My comments were about those who blanket ban these things as opposed to teaching their teens how to exist in a social media world safely.

Mine have it 15 and 17 but have had it for a couple of years - it’s how kids communicate - so they would have been out of the loop without it - we have parental controls on our broadband . Never seen anything dodgy . Literally only allowed TikTok in the last few weeks - I said no years ago and they’ve only just asked again 😂

Girls dancing in bikinis isn’t soft porn, it’s just girls in bikinis. Do you make him wear a blindfold at the beach?

Wow! So is everything you pay for “yours”? Do they live day to day knowing that unless they paid for something you can take it away at any moment because you paid for it?

When are you planning on giving them some freedom?

Age restrictions obviously don't mean 100% of children will never smoke, but it makes it a lot harder for them to smoke and means that some who would have smoked, will not smoke. To continue the analogy, even if you take a relatively relaxed attitude to your kid trying a cigarette, it's a rare parent who thinks it's a good idea to put the cigarette in the kid's hand.

My parenting is none of your buisness....

They know that when they own / rent their own place they can make their own rules.

And yes, their phone contracts which are in my name belong to me.... simple as....

I find it really odd that you wouldn't try to 'censor' your child seeing videos of people being killed. I am politically motivated but I don't use social media because it's terrible for my mental wellbeing to see things like that. You don't need to literally witness everything to care or be interested. Similarly, I wouldn't go to a public execution, or take my kids to one. What you see on social media is very different to what you might see on a mainstream news channel.

It's also really to come to a balanced, well-informed view of anything important from information that's come from social media, and that is really necessary to discuss with kids.

I use it and no issues

Why would you not use your time to educate your child about healthy social media habits and behaviours, instead of making it even more attractive by forbidding it and making it even more intriguing.
Surely we should be equipping children for dealing with things, rather than pretending they dont exist? Obviously age appropriated, but if a child is pld enough to operate the Internet, they will have seen worse than girls in bikinis dancing

Forbidding it doesn't make it more attractive - using it makes it more attractive, because it's highly addictive.

Snapchat is the only thing I wont allow my almost 14 year old DD to have, and I would say I'm fairly relaxed about social media.

As far as im concerned, an app that deletes messages so they can't be logged or retrieved is an absolute hard no for me

Mine are on it and I check it regularly

Mine do not have it and will not be getting it until at least 14. It's widely used for drug running within the locality. Children are lured into the drug scene by so called new friends. I get told I'm strict and everyone else has it but I do not care. I work within protection services so see the damage it causes. I feel the same about Instagram, Facebook and the rest too

How do you check it when the messages disappear?

My DS is exactly the same. I managed to get the smartphone off him as he got in trouble at school for being part of a group that played pranks etc. He now has a Nokia brick and is fine as he knows it is his fault and not mine! Ironically I am so pleased he got in trouble at school because it was a daily battle policing his smartphone and now there is no stress at home and everyone is a lot more relaxed and happy!

I completely agree with your point regarding news content via social media. Which is why we regularly talk to her about fact checking, biased algorithms, companies like Cambridge Analytica etc. It is vitally important she learns about this. It is vitally important that everyone does but especially teenagers.

But as I said, she will search up anything to do with Gaza, so she will see whatever limited information is coming out regardless of whether or not she has Snapchat. She is 16 and far too old to be sheltered, she’ll be moving out within the next 18 months. She needs to learn to protect herself from the horrors of the world. She knows I avoid the news as I find it too upsetting at times. Hopefully one day she will follow my lead.

My teenagers have it. Location turned off, private profiles, and I do random spot checks with no warnings on their phone. No issues at all. I also follow them so I can see what they post. I actually like seeing their posts because it gives me little snippets into their days and lives away from me.

I also have snapchat and have for years. I've not come across any porn or inappropriate content on there, unlike other social media networks. I know it is there, but like most social media, its based on algorithms. My kids seem to get mostly football videos. I get makeup videos.

My teenagers have it because it's how all their friends communicate and arrange social things so they would be completely left out.
Absolutely no one uses WhatsApp anymore and FB messenger is only for old people apparently.

I'm surprised at some posters saying their kids can't have it until they're adults and limiting 16yr olds phone usage.

Where I work we get quite a lot of 16/17 yr olds working. They work hard, are going to collage, getting driving lessons or own cars.
It's quite mind boggling to me that people that age would be not allowed Snapchat by their parents.

I haven’t banned Snapchat. Being a teenager is hard enough without being left out of social interactions

I’m not overly keen on it but both my teen DC have it. Out of my DD’s large friendship group, only one child doesn’t have it . I think the main problem will be that your DC gets left out of meet ups etc. it’s absolutely unavoidable as the majority of their friends will be on it. This is the world we live in now and it’s up to you to help them to learn how to navigate it . Also never seen any evidence of soft porn!

Demonising certain apps and not others seems quite a silly pointless approach.

We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. I started smoking at 14, like all of my friends at the time. It was not difficult to buy cigarettes and the age limit did not even give me pause for thought never mind stop me.

It isn’t smoking these days but vaping. Any teen that wants to vape does. There are shops on every high street willing selling vapes to teenagers. Apparently a quarter of all teenagers have vaped. Banning it for under 18s has made no difference whatsoever.

But all that is by the by as Snapchat isn’t illegal for teenagers.

Talk to anyone in the police about this. An absolute hard no.

Both mine had it and are unscathed. They got it because it was how their friends communicated- holding your ground is all well and good until your 14 year old is in tears because all her friends are in Westfield and she wasn’t on the group chat.
We talk to them about being responsible online and it’s been fine.

My dd is 22 and her friends still all use Snapchat to message each other.
Your son will be left out things so I guess you have to decide to let that happen or monitor his use until he is older.