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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have a lovely home

43 replies

littlepippa88 · 02/10/2025 14:06

So why do I feel so rubbish?

We recently moved a week ago to a lovely house. It's a lot bigger than our old place, the area is so much nicer, surrounded by open country side, nearer DCs school, the house is perfect, turn key needed nothing doing etc etc.

But I feel so rubbish. Did you feel like this after moving? How long did it take to feel normal again?

I couldn't wait to move in, and I still love the house and area but I don't feel at home. I feel like I'm walking around in someone else's house and can't fully relax after work etc..

I find myself getting really upset when I think about our old house, the house I desperately wanted to leave and wasn't suitable for us at all.

I feel ridiculous feeling like this, DH is a lot more practical than I am, I am more emotional about things so he doesn't really understand.

OP posts:

Okrr · 02/10/2025 14:08

How long were you at the old house?

KurtansFringe · 02/10/2025 14:08

Very common feeling. It will pass.

BadgernTheGarden · 02/10/2025 14:09

At the minute it's a nice hotel, give it a few weeks and it will be home. Put out lots of your familiar stuff to remind you it's all yours and enjoy.

Thortour · 02/10/2025 14:09

It took me ages. I couldn’t cope with the quiet and lack of sirens.
Now I wouldn’t live anywhere else.

MatildaTheCat · 02/10/2025 14:10

Completely normal. I moved earlier this year and while I’ve always loved the house it took a while to feel like it was home.

Have you unpacked properly and got pictures etc up? That does help.

SkipAd · 02/10/2025 14:11

ALWAYS feel like this for a couple of months, every time we have moved.

Original poster

littlepippa88 · 02/10/2025 14:14

Thank you! At least it's common. We were in our old place for about 7 years. It's where DC was born etc.. so there is some sentimentality involved I think.

I just feel so displaced! Pulling up in the driveway feels so odd.

Hopefully I'll feel better soon, we do have a lot of our stuff out now which is helping a bit!

OP posts:

Balkancity · 02/10/2025 14:16

I'm a huge "wherever I lay my hat" kind of person. Moved quite a few times and everywhere feels like home immediately even this current dust infested building site. Home is also where my husband is (and I work away quite a bit) so that is helpful. Home is just where I can close the door and only have inside, what I want to have.

I'm sorry you feel this way - home is sanctuary for me so I know how important it is. I am sure it will pass. It's also probably a bit of the season, days getting shorter etc and if you were super looking forward to this move (I was half dreading mine knowing how much work there would be) a slight anti-climax?

Mistyglade · 02/10/2025 14:21

Yep that’s normal, you’ll be fine once you’re settled in.

JoshLymanSwagger · 02/10/2025 14:21

I just feel so displaced! Pulling up in the driveway feels so odd.

We moved less than a mile away.

And yes, I did once drive (with a boot full of shopping) to our old home, parked on the drive and even walked up to the door with the wrong key in my hand before I went 🤦🏻‍♀️ then got back in the car and drove to the new house.

It takes a while.

Have you unpacked everything yet @littlepippa88 I found once I'd done the above ^ and then got some paint on the walls and me it felt a bit more like "us", iyswim?

I hope you'll be happy there. Take a look at the garden, maybe. Plant some bulbs ready for spring...

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 02/10/2025 14:22

On my way back from holidays I always have a split second of thinking I am going to my first ever flat - when I was 20 and lived alone. Im 46 and live with DP and 2 kids... we've lived in sooo many places since then but I always have the momentary going 'home' thought is that flat!

Superhansrantowindsor · 02/10/2025 14:24

Totally normal. You’ll have lots of lovely memories in your old house. You also knew every creaky floorboard, the handle that was a little stiff, the noises the boiler made etc. Give it time and you’ll feel fine.

Bluevelvetsofa · 02/10/2025 14:26

There have been a couple of houses where I’ve immediately felt that it was home. There was one that never really felt properly home. There have been a couple that felt like home after a few weeks/months. I’m still working on the current one.

Starlight1984 · 02/10/2025 14:30

Yep perfectly normal!

We had an extension done recently which was for our new master bedroom and bathroom. The first week or so of sleeping in there felt so odd - I hated it! I kept asking DH if we could move back into our old bedroom which felt more comfortable and more like "us". I even got sad walking past the old bedroom like we had abandoned it for a newer, shinier bedroom😂

I think it's that, no matter where you move from (even if you didn't like it!), it was your home and was livid in and holds all the memories. The new place doesn't (yet) so will still feel strange for a while and like you are on holiday / in someone else's house!

Things you can do to speed up that homely feeling - get your favourite candles / diffusers around the house to start making it smell like your home, get prints / photos / artwork up on the walls, lots of lamps / throws / cushions to make it feel cosy (especially at this time of year!), TV and / or radio on around the house with your fave programme(s) / stations playing in the background, cooking / baking your comfort foods😊

AudiobookListener · 02/10/2025 14:31

I agree its normal. Also, moving is really tiring and stressful. I always feel a bit flat when I'm tired, even when I don't really notice that I am tired.

Ihadtheonearmedbanditfever · 02/10/2025 14:31

We've lived in our house for almost 5 years now and my husband and I both still feel like we've just moved in. Our house was also perfect and ready to go.

For us though, we had a 6 week old baby when we moved in and it's a new area (or was) so everything was an upheaval. Having a child means our pace of life is obviously fast and not much time to sit around and relax.

I'm sure it will start to feel better as time goes on, especially if you see yourselves there for the foreseeable future. We'd like to move which adds to our feeling of not quite belonging but I'm sure you will settle!

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2025 14:38

It's not your home yet, its your house - but a house isnt a home. You need time to put your stamp on it, even if that means adding a few vases of flowers, seeing the shoes in the hallway, putting the fridge magnets on the door... the stuff that makes it YOUR HOME... go do more of that stuff.

Starlight1984 · 02/10/2025 14:44

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2025 14:38

Edited

This.

I walk into our house after work and the feeling of being "home" is the best feeling ever. Coats and shoes in the porch, dogs asleep in front of the log burner, TV on with Rick Stein / Nigella Lawson / Hairy Bikers / any random cooking show playing in the background... Even just our fridge with a million photos / leaflets / bin schedules stuck to it or the maiden with our washing drying in the kitchen.

But... it took quite a while to feel that way! You have to build a home with time. The smells, the noise... and just the feeling in general. It doesn't come instantly!

But it WILL come and then you will be so happy you made the move ❤😊

CalzoneOnLegs · 02/10/2025 14:46

I always find that organising the kitchen and bathroom storage makes you feel at home, especially the kitchen cupboards. Congrats on your lovely new home OP 🏡

onetrickrockingpony · 02/10/2025 14:46

I feel like this is normal. We moved around the corner (literally 3 mins walk) from one Victorian house to another that was double the size this summer. Beautiful garden, wonderful space inside. I still feel sad when I walk past our old road. It’s only in the last few weeks that my brain is rewiring to think of the new house as “Home”. I didn’t have this adjustment when we moved into our first house from a rental flat. I think it’s normal to have a transition stage when so much time and energy has gone into a home and there are memories there. My mother says that the feeling is also about the passage of time, like putting baby clothes away.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 02/10/2025 14:49

It’s post-move blues. I think it’s a reaction to the stress of moving.

Conniebygaslight · 02/10/2025 14:54

Yep, every time I've ever moved house. It will pass OP

Confusedhormonal · 02/10/2025 14:55

I felt like this. I lived in a tiny flat for 16 years. Then moved for a few months into a friends where I lived in boxes.

moving into my lovely bigger home I forgot about the stuff in boxes. Took me a while to believe this lovely house is mine.

Now my stuff is everywhere and it feels more lived in I believe it’s mine.

TattooStan · 02/10/2025 15:21

I think moving house, even if you want it, triggers a kind of grief. Not necessarily grief at leaving your last house, but grief at how hellish and tiring the process is, and how your life and home is turned upside down, and you feel like youre living in a stranger's house for a while.

I felt odd for a good few months last time we went through it.

FartyAnimal · 02/10/2025 15:22

Every time I've moved this happens. It will pass.

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