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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have a lovely home

43 replies

littlepippa88 · 02/10/2025 14:06

So why do I feel so rubbish?

We recently moved a week ago to a lovely house. It's a lot bigger than our old place, the area is so much nicer, surrounded by open country side, nearer DCs school, the house is perfect, turn key needed nothing doing etc etc.

But I feel so rubbish. Did you feel like this after moving? How long did it take to feel normal again?

I couldn't wait to move in, and I still love the house and area but I don't feel at home. I feel like I'm walking around in someone else's house and can't fully relax after work etc..

I find myself getting really upset when I think about our old house, the house I desperately wanted to leave and wasn't suitable for us at all.

I feel ridiculous feeling like this, DH is a lot more practical than I am, I am more emotional about things so he doesn't really understand.

OP posts:

LibertyLily · 02/10/2025 15:44

I agree it will pass and soon feel like home @littlepippa88. If you are able to put more of your stuff about the place, that definitely helps!

We've moved lots of times, each time buying a project house - moving straight in and DIYing the work gradually, rather than living elsewhere whilst the builders crack on - so have never really been able to unpack our stuff immediately. That's resulted in it taking a long time to feel like home. I think in about eight moves, only twice has the house felt like 'my home' from day one.

Our most recent move was from a very rural location with only a couple of near-ish neighbours, to a small coastal town where we have lots of neighbours in a completely different part of the UK. That in itself has been hard to adjust to!

Only now that we're finally getting some rooms put back together is it starting to feel like home.

whatevenwasthat · 02/10/2025 16:11

I felt the same. I loved our old house even though there was so much about it that didn’t work for us. It took a few years in this house before it really felt right but that is largely in part because it needed lots of work, which made me resent it and not having my old lovely “done” home.

I also think it has a lot to do with memories. There was a definite shift after our first Christmas in the new house because it was a really lovely time for our family. Maybe you just need a few more happy experiences under your belt before it feels like yours.

StrongLikeMamma · 02/10/2025 16:28

I still miss the house I grew up in - am 50 with DH and 2 kids and own my own home 😆

Homewardbanned · 02/10/2025 16:33

You’re homesick. Plant some bulbs ready for next spring and make it cosy. Christmas will help

Toofficeornot · 02/10/2025 16:33

We have moved a couple of times in the past 5 years. It always feels like I am in an air bnb for a month or two until I bed in. Its natural to feel like this. You will eventually feel like home once you start to make some memories there and make it your own.

Itstheshowgirl · 02/10/2025 16:36

Moving is really stressful and it takes time to make a house feel like a home. Just ride it out, the feeling will come as you start to settle in.

motherofdragons11 · 02/10/2025 17:25

I felt like this after leaving my home of 18 years. It's adjustment and it's quite common. It will pass as you make your own stamp on the new place.

TalkingToDogs · 02/10/2025 17:31

It’s only been a week, give it time. I thought I’d never settle in our house as everything about it was so different to our last house, but now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. It took a few months to feel completely at home though. We moved in a September too, and what really helped was having Christmas here. After that, it was home.

Orders76 · 02/10/2025 17:32

It always takes a while to feel like home.

Can I ask is it your peak house? I feel like we're in our house for life now, amazing home, but sometimes still doesn't feel like this is actually my home- it's like imposter home syndrome lol

bluevelvetears · 02/10/2025 17:34

Only one thing will solve it: time.

It took almost 2 years for me to truly think of it as home. I honestly thought it would never happen and spent most of the time prior to that point on Rightmove and planning to move house asap. 😂

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 02/10/2025 17:37

It takes time.

I find a good clean, getting it warm, and making it smell like you (baking/dinners not perfume) helps a lot.

ManchesterGirl2 · 02/10/2025 17:38

Post-moving blues. Totally normal I think. Exhaustion, the emotional come down from the stress and excitement, plus discovering the things that aren't perfect about the new place.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/10/2025 17:40

New house blues. I only moved two doors down but my children grew up in the old house (which was being ripped to pieces by builders) and used to put their pony out in the garden and I got a bit sniffly every time the dog tried to go back to her 'old house'.

Then winter came and the new place is SO MUCH COSIER and I stopped hankering after the draughty and freezing old place. Give yourself time, OP. Have you got any candles or room sprays (or even cleaning sprays) that you had in the old place? If you make it smell familiar, that feeling might come faster.

AliasGrape · 02/10/2025 17:54

I wouldn’t say I feel rubbish, but I don’t quite feel how I expected to feel after a month in our new house.

We moved from a much smaller place that I really didn’t love, and that really didn’t work for us anymore. However, it was DC’s first home, the house I first shared with DH and we’d been there together 7 years (and DH there 6 years before me!). We also, whilst there wasn’t really a lot we could do with the old place, had made the living room really lovely.

I LOVE our new house ‘on paper’, but it doesn’t feel like ours somehow. I feel like I’m playing house in someone else’s house. (Or as my best friend said when she was first here and I was expressing this feeling - ‘it feels a bit like we’re in a grown up’s house and they’re coming home any minute’).

It doesn’t help that the one aspect of the house that felt like a slight compromise was the living room. I just can’t get cosy in it somehow! And so when I sit down at the end of the day to relax, I’m looking around a bit like ‘urgh’. I’m sure we can improve that and make it more our own, there’s definitely some furniture we’re missing now we have more space, and we could do with more pictures etc. But we spent all our money on the move, so it’s slow progress.

Im not sure the way we’ve unpacked and organised things, assigned things to cupboards etc is quite right - something feels off. Also there’s lots of unfinished/ not quite got round to spaces and jobs (there was nothing major to do but even things like putting up a mirror etc) and I’m just getting a bit frustrated with that now - although all it would take is for me to pull my finger out and get it done!

I much prefer the school run from here although we haven’t moved particularly far. I miss our old, lovely, neighbours though - they’ve already been round for dinner!

Sorry that was a very long ramble. All of it just to say I definitely understand not feeling how you expected to feel. I too was desperate to move - far more so than my husband but he is now the one who has never looked back and is loving the new place. I do love it, I just feel a bit overwhelmed by it I think.

freakingscared · 02/10/2025 17:56

I moved a year ago and only recently started feeling at home ! It’s crazy as just oi suou it’s a much better home . I guess we just find change uncomfortable

PapardelleFitzgerald · 02/10/2025 18:11

Maybe it's a question of smell? It won't feel like your home until it smells right, whatever your family home smell is. For me I'd like to think it's a combination of furniture polish, fresh laundry, lavender, baking bread, woodsmoke (winter) and cut grass (summer). In reality it's probably damp earth, dog and a slight undernote of teenage boy. You won't even notice when the smell has changed but you'll feel more at home.

And yes, Christmas will definitely help: decorate earlier than you normally would, and throw a party.

Congratulations on finding a wonderful house- I'm sure you will come to love it in time.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 02/10/2025 18:13

We've lived I this house for about 8 years, and in the previous house for 15. We moved one street away and I still get pangs when I pass the old house. For the first few years of living here, I had dreams about letting myself into the old house and wandering around, then removing items from the house and panicking because the new owners are due home any minute!

It's all very normal. I hope!

pinkbackground · 02/10/2025 18:14

We moved 5 weeks ago and it still feels surreal. Not bad at all just a bit odd. I think it’s normal.

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