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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH comment on new neighbour

75 replies

Alicelong · 02/10/2025 13:51

If your DH, unprompted, said your new neighbour looked like ‘absolute filth’, would you be a bit taken aback?

When I asked what he meant, he said in the ‘bedroom sense’.

This was the first time he saw her btw.

OP posts:
pilates · 02/10/2025 14:27

I would be taken aback tbh. Is he normally so crude?

Thundertoast · 02/10/2025 14:33

I would think that i've obviously overlooked tiny red flags of 'lad banter' behaviour due to societal conditioning up until now and be dismayed that I've ended up with someone who has so little going on in their brain they say gross things about women in an attempt to be funny

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 14:36

JamieCannister · 02/10/2025 13:53

Depends whether I was married to a massive misogynist with a history of chasing other women. If I was then I wouldn't be taken aback at all.

Show quote history

This.

Ugh, what a creepy bastard.

Starlight1984 · 02/10/2025 14:36

DramaAlpaca · 02/10/2025 13:56

I would be extremely taken aback, because my DH would never describe a woman like that.

This.

Bobiverse · 02/10/2025 14:37

I wonder what he said about you to his mates when he first met you, OP. Good choice of husband there 🤨

user464632168 · 02/10/2025 14:40

He'd be demoted from DH to H and looking at a possible further demotion.

I mean, as far as I'm concerned, you can think whatever you want, but keep it to yourself if it's going to hurt someone, particularly someone you love.

Buxusmortus · 02/10/2025 14:42

He fancies the pants off her and forgot he was talking to his actual wife when describing her.

SunnyViper · 02/10/2025 14:42

Why do women marry these utter fools?

Starlight1984 · 02/10/2025 14:45

I would think he'd had a lobotomy as there is no way on this planet that my DH would ever dream of saying something so disrespectful.

WhamBamThankU · 02/10/2025 14:45

Ugh

netflixfan · 02/10/2025 14:47

Don’t you know your husband? It can’t be the first time he’s come out with such a remark. Does he play rugby?

purplecorkheart · 02/10/2025 14:48

Don't have a dh so cannot comment. Although men like that make me glad that I do not have a dh.

I bet he forgot he was talking to his wife and not his mates. I would hate to think what he says about women to them.

user464632168 · 02/10/2025 14:49

I also think that it would point up a thought pattern I wouldn't appreciate in a partner.

While it's normal to notice other attractive people, there's a desirable gulf between thinking someone's attractive or magnetic and immediately sexualising them. You can appreciate the way someone looks without imagining them in bed, particularly someone who's just going about their life.

maudelovesharold · 02/10/2025 14:59

If your DH, unprompted, said your new neighbour looked like ‘absolute filth’, would you be a bit taken aback?

A bit taken aback? I’d be absolutely astounded if dh said anything like that!

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2025 15:00

I'd be wondering and i may even ask him what he thought my take on that question would be, what was it he was trying to achieve or convey?

I'd be struggling to understand why he shared that with me, you know like when we see a funny story, and we share that, its sharing our day, to enrich the others life, If there is a stressful situation and we tell the other; its sharing our day and reducing our stress by involving the other person.

Did he think i'd join in talking about the NDN as an object?

Why is he telling me that he thinks the neighbour looks like she would be absolutely filthy in bed? is it jealousy of her husband? Is it to make me jealous? is it to make me think i'm lacking put me on edge subconsciously? Is it that he fancies the pants off her? Or is it that ye forgot he wasnt down the oub with his crass mates? Or that hes just a pig who does actually judge women on their sexual prowess as he interprets it? What was it he thought he'd achieve with the statement because its vile; whatever it was its vile (for all the reasons stated above)

Ick...

EmeraldDreams73 · 02/10/2025 15:03

Taken aback? I'd assume he'd had a lobotomy without me knowing. Ugh.

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 15:15

maudelovesharold · 02/10/2025 14:59

If your DH, unprompted, said your new neighbour looked like ‘absolute filth’, would you be a bit taken aback?

A bit taken aback? I’d be absolutely astounded if dh said anything like that!

I can honestly say, hand on heart, that DH has never, would never even remotely contemplate saying this to me or anything even close to it. I'd assume he had previously undiagnosed brain damage. It's just bizarrely disrespectful and so incredibly creepy.

PreciousTatas · 02/10/2025 15:17

What he meant was that when he saw her, all he could think about was fucking her. And he reckons she'd be well up for it.

Bleurgh. My vagina would snap shut to this man forever.

Wherethewildthingsfart · 02/10/2025 15:22

I would hope that my dh wouldn’t speak to his friends like that, he certainly wouldn’t speak to me like that. It’s not really his style and I wouldn’t be with someone who speaks like that.

We have both said that people are very good looking but we manage to be respectful to the person and each other while acknowledging that a person is beautiful.

PeonyPatch · 02/10/2025 15:24

RocketPanda · 02/10/2025 13:56

Well if my husband said something as nasty as that I would get the ick so bad my vagina would seal itself shut and my hormones would flee.

This.

Ariel896 · 02/10/2025 15:30

Vile, disrespectful and happy to basically tell you how much he wants to fuck another woman.

Mrswhiskers87 · 02/10/2025 15:30

I’d look for my actual husband…

Your husband has no respect for you.

shhblackbag · 02/10/2025 15:38

Alicelong · 02/10/2025 13:51

If your DH, unprompted, said your new neighbour looked like ‘absolute filth’, would you be a bit taken aback?

When I asked what he meant, he said in the ‘bedroom sense’.

This was the first time he saw her btw.

Instant ick. Then WTF?

shhblackbag · 02/10/2025 15:40

What he meant was that when he saw her, all he could think about was fucking her. And he reckons she'd be well up for it.

And he saw no issue with telling you, his wife. The absolute wanker.

hoohaal · 02/10/2025 15:44

I would feel really put out.

He obviously thinks she’s attractive.
It’s one thing to say it to his mates, but not his wife!!