Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child ran away from DS

38 replies

Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:11

I was walking DS up to school this morning. He’s 4 and started reception in September. He has asd and adhd. He loves to run so he usually runs off a little bit ahead of me. There was a child from his class just in front of him and when she saw him she jumped and hid behind her dad.

I felt a bit upset by this as I’d hate if he scared anybody. He’s been doing really well in school and I’ve not had any complaints from the teacher.

I noticed the dad gave me a dirty look as I walked past which was uncomfortable.

Any other parents with children with asd who have been in situations like this and if so, how to handle them. Just ignore? It’s hard not to feel judged

OP posts:
WishIcouldstay · 02/10/2025 09:14

Was she scared of him running? Was he being noisy or boisterous or something? Sorry, I don’t quite understand why she was scared and the dad’s dirty look etc.

ComfortFoodCafe · 02/10/2025 09:18

Why was she scared?

Original poster
Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:18

WishIcouldstay · 02/10/2025 09:14

Was she scared of him running? Was he being noisy or boisterous or something? Sorry, I don’t quite understand why she was scared and the dad’s dirty look etc.

I don’t know, he wasn’t being noisy or boisterous he was just running. I just got the impression that he scared her especially as she hid behind her dad. It could have been from him running and maybe he took her by surprise I guess but with the dads dirty look I presumed maybe he scares people in class. I know that’s awful to say but having him been judged in the past it’s hard not to think these things😞

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:19

I have no idea why she was scared. He was just running up to the school gates and as soon as she saw him she kind of jumped and quickly hid behind her dad

OP posts:
Darragon · 02/10/2025 09:20

Was she just playing around? DD3 has done this once or twice at nursery drop off and it’s just her pretending to be scared of someone who is actually her friend.

Original poster
Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:21

@Darragon Could be this I guess! It was just with the dad’s dirty look. Hopefully it’s this rather than her actually being scared of him

OP posts:
QuickPeachPoet · 02/10/2025 09:21

You're massively overthinking this. They are 4 - he is hardly a grown man intimidating a woman. This kid may have a very sheltered life and is easily startled by more active (boisterous) boys.

WishIcouldstay · 02/10/2025 09:21

Maybe check with the teacher to see how he’s getting on in class?
Otherwise I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe it’s a them problem not a you problem iyswim.

Original poster
Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:22

Yeah I do tend to over think things to be fair

OP posts:
Goldbar · 02/10/2025 09:28

Another one for overthinking things. A lot of children find some aspects of school difficult. This girl might find some children, including your DS, overwhelming. That's not his fault or responsibility if he's behaving nicely in the classroom and playground.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/10/2025 09:29

Maybe the dad had had a difficult morning as she didn’t want to go to school and she was finally calm but caught off guard by someone running past her. Impossible to know. Maybe the kids don’t get on and she’s told her dad. Could be nothing to do with your son. I’d try not to worry.

Original poster
Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:32

Thanks everyone. You’ve made me realise there could be a handful of reasons as to why she reacted to him running towards her. The teacher has never said anything to me about him being nasty to the other children so I’m more than likely over thinking (as usual!)

OP posts:
LoveWine123 · 02/10/2025 09:35

This really is a non-issue, I wouldn’t overthink it. He could have scared her, she could also have additional needs, it just doesn’t matter. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things, just let it go.

FancyCatSlave · 02/10/2025 09:36

My DD doesn’t much like the ASD child in her class. She’s very much a rule follower and loves school. The little boy with ASD can’t manage carpet time, runs around when the others are quiet etc and is largely non verbal. He can be quite energetic and that can be intimidating for some kids. She is perfectly kind to him but I’ll be honest and say that she finds it quite hard to be around and she won’t play with him. If he ran up to her on the walk to school she would also hide.

We talk about differences and including everyone (he was invited to her party etc) but I also see that from her point of view he makes her uncomfortable.

I don’t give the parent dirty looks though, I feel for them as it must be very challenging at times.

Sorry @Orangedreams I just wanted to share an honest point of view.

Oceanrudeness · 02/10/2025 09:37

My youngest has just started school and there are other children in his class who are incredibly nervous/anxious. It's actually a bit of nightmare getting him into class in the morning as there's so many little kids crying or needing hugs/reassurance/cajoling from parents to go. He may have just shocked her as she wasnt expecting someone to run past. My older son is autistic and by this point having started reception we had been called into school multiple times and had even more phonecalls home as he was causing chaos (he was not diagnosed at the time). Have you got a parents evening coming up? If not maybe you could have a quick word with teacher to see how's he's settled in, but I would've thought they would've let you know if there was any real problems.

pitterypattery00 · 02/10/2025 09:48

I wouldn't assume it's anything personal about your child. My child at that age ran behind my legs and hid if he ever saw another child they knew - whether on the way to school or in the supermarket or park. Even if it was a child he was friendly with. He is naturally shy and likes time to 'warm up' to social interactions - so happy to play with others in classroom throughout day, but stressed if he suddenly sees someone. Children would say 'Hi Ben' and he would put his head down, hide behind me and ignore them. Now he's a little older he's much better but still won't initiate saying hello! It doesn't mean he doesn't like the child or doesn't want to play.

QuickPeachPoet · 02/10/2025 09:52

FWIW I never allowed my kids to hide behind me. I used to tell them 'that's what dogs do. We express nervousness in different ways as humans, by using our words and this just looks rude'.

Aria2015 · 02/10/2025 10:29

I have a child the same age and she often blanks classmates or runs away from them when she sees them outside the context of her classroom eg the walk to school or in the supermarket. The teacher commented on how it's really common for them to do that to teachers too (which I've also noticed). When my dd is in the classroom, she’ll be playing and chatting away, so it's not a true reflection of how she feels about her classmates. She's not alone either, I've seen others in her class behave similarly to her too, but as soon as they get to class they are off playing together!

tiredangry · 02/10/2025 10:46

Orangedreams · 02/10/2025 09:11

I was walking DS up to school this morning. He’s 4 and started reception in September. He has asd and adhd. He loves to run so he usually runs off a little bit ahead of me. There was a child from his class just in front of him and when she saw him she jumped and hid behind her dad.

I felt a bit upset by this as I’d hate if he scared anybody. He’s been doing really well in school and I’ve not had any complaints from the teacher.

I noticed the dad gave me a dirty look as I walked past which was uncomfortable.

Any other parents with children with asd who have been in situations like this and if so, how to handle them. Just ignore? It’s hard not to feel judged

You’re going to have to ignore it and it’s going to be a long road. When my asd ds was about 5, a mum quite blatantly went into school and said my ds was basically a piece of shit and was to be kept away from hers at all time and she never spoke to me again. 15 years later - let’s just say she was very, very wrong.

CinnamonBuns67 · 02/10/2025 12:06

I'd ask the teacher if all was okay and mention what happened and ask them to keep an eye on things but otherwise I'd not let it worry me as a one off thing.

Lectei · 02/10/2025 12:09

My granddaughter is a very nervous child and she would automatically hide from someone running towards her, no matter who it was.

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 02/10/2025 12:15

its understandable you took it personally, but it's highly unlikely to be. Xx

MonkeyPuzzle5 · 02/10/2025 13:05

I understand why you'd feel like this but try not to worry. If it helps, DD also sometimes does this when DS runs towards her. Sometimes she'll laugh and find it exciting and join in, others she'll run away crying to hide. Fairly normal and just depends on their moods, no ASD and DS isn't particularly boisterous. They love each other and she's not scared of him whatsoever, she just doesn't like high energy near her when she's not ready for it.

It is more likely to just be how the girl felt in that moment than a general issue with your son or how he is in the class.

CoodleMoodle · 02/10/2025 13:06

pitterypattery00 · 02/10/2025 09:48

I wouldn't assume it's anything personal about your child. My child at that age ran behind my legs and hid if he ever saw another child they knew - whether on the way to school or in the supermarket or park. Even if it was a child he was friendly with. He is naturally shy and likes time to 'warm up' to social interactions - so happy to play with others in classroom throughout day, but stressed if he suddenly sees someone. Children would say 'Hi Ben' and he would put his head down, hide behind me and ignore them. Now he's a little older he's much better but still won't initiate saying hello! It doesn't mean he doesn't like the child or doesn't want to play.

My DS is 7 now and exactly like this! He's got plenty of friends and is fine in the classroom, but if he sees someone he knows out of the normal school context he tries desperately to hide. He'd get back inside me if he could!

Once we were waiting in the office for his older sister to come out of her club, and his teacher - the one he'd just spent several hours with and absolutely adored - came out and said hello to him on her way past. He immediately hid behind me and wouldn't say a word!

NuffSaidSam · 02/10/2025 13:10

I think you're reading far too much into it. Maybe she's shy or was startled by him running up behind her or maybe she was messing about...who knows. Maybe the dad was just caught by surprise or maybe he's just got a resting 'dirty look' face or maybe he was having a difficult morning...could be anything.

Swipe left for the next trending thread