Is it OK or icky?

[FattyMcFattyArse]

Many years ago when I was 16, I started going out with a guy who was 21. I was still at school (and was until 18) and he was working full time. We married when I was 18 and raised a family. Now I'm looking back and feeling slightly weird about the age gap. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

AIBU to question a 6 year age gap between a girl of 16 and a man of 21?

I was at school in the 90s and loads of the girls were going out with much older men...me included unfortunately. None of us thought anything of it at the time -in fact we felt really mature. Two of my friends were going out with men in their 30s (!) at 15/16. It's horrible looking back.

Nothing unusual about it, especially a few years ago.

Well I think it was more common for this to happen years ago.
I remember some girls(15/16 year olds) being picked up by their boyfriends after school in very nice cars.
These boys were late teens early 20’s
We are all a lot more aware of grooming, coercion and paedophiles now!

Normal to date older in the late 80s, but possibly not settling down so young.

When I was 16/17 I was shaggjng a 30 year old! Lots of my friends had much older boyfriends.

I’d think the 21yr old male to be a bit of a creep tbh

I had a 34 year old “boyfriend” at 17. He was also my teacher (college not school if that makes any difference). We were together a couple of years and lived together. Looking back now - definitely icky.

If you are still together and happy why does it matter. No laws were broken and its nobody else's business. Why wiuld you suddenly start thinking its icky?

We aren't still together. I don't know why I'm looking back at it now, but I feel i have a different view on the past than I did at the time.

Maybe it's the grooming gang in the news, or just different values nowadays than back in the 80s.

Some of my friends had much older boyfriends at the time, as some people have commented here as well. 30s dating teenagers is icky to me. I'm really not sure about 21, hence the post and wanting others' opinions.

When I was 16 my boyfriend was 21.

My ex husband was 26 when we met, I was 20.

My partner is 45, I’m soon to be 36.

You’ll notice there’s a theme, and it’s getting stronger. So I evidently don’t think it’s an ick 😂

Absolutely normal for the times.

People are a bit more twitchy these days,

It wasn't weird at all at the time. 21 was probably on the normalish end of the scale for boyfriends when we were 16. As I said earlier, nobody bat an eyelid at the 30 year olds so 21 was nothing.
I'm actually horrified at the older men when I look back. We all did look 16 at 16 in the late 90s, it wasn't like now with all the clever makeup etc. We might have thought we looked mature, but no amount of Heather Shimmer lipstick and Natural Collection eye shadow made that much difference. The only reason we ever got into pubs and clubs was because nobody gave a shit about underage drinking.

The kindest most respectful boyfriend I ever had was 20 and I was 16. Didn't work out because we lived in completely different places. But he was lovely.
So it depends on the person.

It really depends on the situation, but if you're still married to him all this time later (and the relationship isn't abusive in any way), there's no reason to feel icky about it.

I found 'older men' (not teenagers, not immature in behaviour) more attractive at that age, as do many teenage girls, though I didn't date anyone until I was over 18. DH is roughly seven years my senior, and we married when I was in my early 20s, back in the early 2000s. I don't think our relationship is or was ever icky. There are probably cases where a similar age gap would be uncomfortable, but many times there's nothing strange or unpleasant about it.

ETA: Just saw in the update that you aren't still together. In that case, I suppose it depends on how he treated you, among other things.

Not very well at all. But that's probably not age related.

I look back at 16 year old me and see a naive child who thought she was grown up because adult situations had been forced upon her, but in reality she had no idea how to be an adult. She made some very bad choices. That man was one of them.

This silly age-gap hysteria is a very modern thing. As long as we’re talking about adults age-gaps are totally irrelevant. Blimey - you can only date someone within 2 years of your own age now? Where has this nonsense come from?

Agree @CoffeeCantata

My first serious bf was 5 years older than me. Totally respectful loving relationship.

My parents have a 7yr age gap. Guess what, they are still together and have been happily married for over 60 years.

I was 17 and so was my mum.

I was 17 in 1999 and my husband was 27
Most of my relationships back then were with guys at least 10 years older

Wouldn't have turned a hair in the late 90s, never mind the 80s. Would give people conniptions now.

Meant "nobody would have turned a hair" - can you not edit anymore?

The worst thing about this thread isn’t age gap relationships, it’s the word icky

I was 17 dating a 26 year old for a while. He never pressured anything and I don’t think it was icky at all - he didn’t date other young girls after me it was not like he sought me out or anything.

unless you were groomed I think it’s fine. Girls mature faster and find boys their age a bit childish sometimes.

My friend got married at 17 to a 29 year old man.

Far more girls got married in their teens which is pretty much unheard of nowadays, There were no single mums - it was common to hear of a wedding being "brought forward" because the bride was pregnant and it was very shameful to be an unmarried mother.

But she wasn’t an adult, she was 16.

Surprised no-one's used the word 'grim' yet.