Is it OK or icky?

[FattyMcFattyArse]

Many years ago when I was 16, I started going out with a guy who was 21. I was still at school (and was until 18) and he was working full time. We married when I was 18 and raised a family. Now I'm looking back and feeling slightly weird about the age gap. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

AIBU to question a 6 year age gap between a girl of 16 and a man of 21?

Things have really changed. At 15/16, we were dating guys aged 18-21. At 18 my boyfriend was so much older I’m too embarrassed to write by how much. Men in vans used to beep at us in school uniform every single day - the culture was one where nobody seemed to view this as shocking. Now, that would all definitely raise eyebrows and be the subject of concerned gossip.

It was much more common wasn’t it? I had a fling at 16 with a 27 year old fireman, lasted a few weeks.

I had a 21 year old boyfriend when I was 16. Like many PP's have said he was the most respectful boyfriend I ever had.

1979. I was 16 and he was 21. To be fair to him he was shocked when he found out because I met him in a club and he thought I was over 18.

I was talking about this recently I was 18 when I started dating my 36 yo ex.
Now I’m sure it would cause a hollarballoo and he would get hounding but then mid 90s no one batted an eyelid except my mum.
I was a mature teen and by 18 was already very immersed in the adult world.
I was a single parent working full time and living my own independent life, all of my friends were older and it was just accepted.
We had a fairly happy relationship with it’s ups and downs for almost a decade and are still now very good friends.
I was definitely not being taken advantage of and I’d hate now for anyone to ever look back at us and think that.
it was a different time it was what it was ❤️

Even in the late 2000s, girls 15-16 were dating 18+ at my school. It felt weird but I think no adults knew. I remember someone telling one of the younger teachers about a 17yo girl’s 24yo boyfriend and the teacher (presumably about 24 herself) said, “What does a 24 year old find interesting about a girl who hasn’t finished school?”

The most impactful way she could have put it. I think about it a lot.

My Nan was 20 in 1945 when she married my 31 year old grandad. They’d met over 2 years earlier and been on just 2 dates before he was sent abroad to war!! Married (often unhappily unfortunately) for 58 years until his death).

Unusually I did often date younger lads in my teens and early 20s but I was quite immature myself.

I'm out of touch with dating but is the current thinking that girls should only date a guy no more than a couple of years older than them?

When I was young the big taboo was that a girl should never go out with a younger boy.

Oh god I think about this. I was 17 and got pregnant to a 23 year old. We were 18 and 24 when the baby was born.

My parents were seemingly OK about it i mean not happy at all but the age gap didn't seem to be their issue.

I'd have been so worried if that child had been in a similar age gap relationship.
She's 27 with a 27 year old bf and they've just had a baby and I still think they're really young parents!
Different times the 90s but it is definitely icky.

Same

Was the relationship a happy one? Did you feel loved, cherished, happy? That’s what important, IMO, not age.

I think that age difference is fine.

It's less about actual age gap and more life stage gaps. Dating someone when you're still at school living with your parents no job sets a completely different dynamic to a relationship. If the other person and it is usually male has their own house,car and job. Ofcourse there can absolutely be a power imbalance.
When have 21 year old women been routinely interested in dating 16 year old boys?