Awkward stranger with DC

[KeenSnail]

So, I’m 38 weeks pregnant. My DC is 22 months old (very sweet, well behaved child.)

This week I went into a fast food chain I was using one of those self service kiosks to place my order with my toddler on my hip. DC would have stood happily at my feet but I thought they would enjoy seeing me tapping the screen which is why I was carrying them.

A worker came up to us and started playing with my DC (she was probably 50-60). It started with high fives and then she was asking me the name and age ect. All a little chaotic and distracting while I was trying to order but it was all friendly and with good intentions. Then she announced ‘come to me, mummy is too busy to hold you’ she then assumptively held her arms out to take DC. I politely but firmly said ‘No thank you, I’m happy holding him’ she looked a bit upset but nodded.

We then collected the food tray (which I carried in one hand up the stairs with my toddler still on my hip so just to clarify I’m really not in need of a helping hand.)

The worker then came upstairs shortly after us and proceeded to stand at the end our table for the entirety of our meal. Asking me a question about DC at what felt like every mouthful.

I’m not annoyed, I understand she was just enjoying the interaction with a happy child but my gosh it was tedious… I just wanted a quick and easy meal but instead ended up being in an endless cycle of small talk and awkward silence.

Surly working in a restaurant you know customer service is important but practically shadowing a child from the moment they walk in until they leave is a bit awkward and OTT?

It's a shame too because it was probably my last meal out with DC before baby arrives.

I’m thinking that her trying to hold DC, the overfamiliar touching of my toddler and the assumption we wanted her to talk to us for the whole meal is just a lack of understanding boundaries!

I should mention she was also touching his hair and hands after she tried to hold him.

Again, not angry about it but I just felt super uncomfortable and awkward.

Maybe she was neuro diverse and struggled to read social cues

“It’s been lovely chatting but we’d like to eat on our own now.”

The voice in my head was screaming this but I was worried about hurting feelings. 🤦‍♀️

if I saw you carrying a toddler on your hip while carrying a tray of food upstairs at 38 weeks I'd be persistent in my offers of help
but the watching you eat was intrusive

Yes, absolutely a possibility.

Some people really don’t like their children/babies to be touched by strangers so it is important for her to know appropriate workplace behaviour

Obviously, if she needs extra support or guidance that responsibility falls to her management team.

I thought the offer to hold him was thoughtful but I didn’t particularly like the touching without asking. l definitely would have preferred to be left alone to eat. Haha

What are you wanting us all to say?

Rather than saying 'come to me' she should have asked you if you'd like her to hold him & she shouldn't have stood talking to you for your whole meal.

I'm in my 50's & find this 'modern' you must ASK before touching a baby/child so OTT, I just don't bother. I smile, I wave, I chat, but that's it. I'd happily hold a baby/child if a parent wanted to do something with free hands, but it's all so awkward these days.

However, I think you should just let it go now, no harm done. If there's a next time, you can just say 'it's been lovely chatting, but I'd really like to just finish my meal quietly please'. (even the ND people I know wouldn't take offence at that)

It was a fairly unusual situation. I’ve never experienced food staff accompanying me for a meal before and wanted people’s take on the situation 🤷‍♀️

Good advice advise for next time, although hoping it doesn’t occur again too soon! Hehehe

Ooo she was super awkward 😬😬😬😬

I'd just chalk it up to a socially awkward woman and not go to that branch again 😄. You didnt handle it wrong, offering to hold the baby is too much

One time, a woman was struggling on a moving bus, parking her buggy and juggling her toddler. Having been in that situation with my dd who was a year older atp, I instinctively put my hands out to help the toddler onto the seat next to me

Omg was mortified as it was the wrong thing to do, the mum was unhappy and muttered about me being a stranger - i proper apologised, lesson learned. Just happened on instinct.

Maybe she was reacting the same way, wanting to help you as youre pregnant but just got it wrong?

Congratulations on the soon to be new arrival x

Something like this happened to me too OP! I hated it.

The waitress said all the 'so cute!' stuff which was fine, but then she started to say things like 'I wish I could take (toddler) home with me' and 'are you going to come to me?' My poor kid understood and didn't leave my lap. Ruined my meal to be honest and creeped me out a bit as she barely moved from my table. At one point she commented on how my toddler was so attached to me. Errr yes. You scared him!

Annoyed/upset enough about it to post on Mumsnet but not enough to actually say anything while you were there?

This place sometimes 🥴

I also would have persisted with my offers. 38 weeks pregnant carrying a toddler and a tray of food up some stairs was not a safe move to make.

and quite irresponsible

also still trying to work out how your DC 'enjoy seeing you tapping on the screen'
but YANBU to want to eat in peace but you should've spoken up

Thank you ☺️

Yea, my first thought was not using that branch again 😂 x

why does every single word or action have to be a sign of nd and people wonder why it not taken seriously lol

I’m not annoyed at all and specifically said that in my post.

As I said in your quote, “I was worried about hurting feelings”. I didn’t say anything to the lady as although the interaction wasn’t my favourite, I didn’t feel it justified the risk of upsetting her.

You don’t have to be annoyed or upset to want to talk about an unusual situation with others. 🤷‍♀️

You can help by carrying the tray of food though.

If anything, staff member should have offered to take OP’s order and provide table service. It’s McDonalds (or similar), perfectly doable.

If someone tried to hold my child they would have clung and resisted and caused more hassle - upset child, tray spilling. You don’t randomly touch someone’s child or carry them or loiter around.

Argh I had the exact same except I'd just had my second child so wasn't pregnant. When I declined her holding my toddler she came to our table and just wheeled my newborn away in the buggy without saying anything to me. I think she was just going to push him around whilst we ate..again like you I think she thought she was helping. But my new baby brain was in overdrive thinking she was handing him off to kidnap gangs outside the doors 😅😅😅 I took buggy back and said no thankyou again in what I thought was a very firm voice. She followed us back to the table and just pushed the buggy backwards and forwards on the spot instead 🫣 baby wasn't even awake or disturbing us. Anyway no advice sorry op because I never went in there on my own again as it put me off.

I understand why you may think it’s irresponsible however, I’m young, fit and healthy and am completely used to carrying my toddler about as I look after DC everyday! I wouldn’t ever push myself or do something I didn’t feel confident and comfortable in doing. No different to being in the house trying to get stuff done with him.

Toddler is absolutely fascinated by the big kiosk screens, I’m guessing it’s the bright fast moving images that capture his attention. I can’t particularly explain it more than that as I don’t know the mind of a 2 year old 🤣 (potentially the novelty being that he doesn’t particularly get screen time.)

Yes, exactly. There should be a USE YOUR WORDS sticky for these kinds of threads which complain endlessly someone else’s behaviour when it was perfectly possible to end it with a few civil words.

OP, rest assured that outside of Mumsnet it’s perfectly normal customer care to not randomly touch people and invade personal space 😄 people here always have a mission to disagree with the OP even if that means they’re also disagreeing with the wider consensus of social norms.

That’s a lot worse than my situation 🤦‍♀️

I guess I’m lucky it happened this week in a way because I can avoid going back with my newborn!

We will have to take it as a compliment that we have super cute babies and they are irresistible 👀

Came to say this!! It happens on every single post. It’s so irritating!! People can behave in any way because they are all ND apparently 🙄