To live in bigger house but DC will have much longer school commute

[letsgoforadip]

So we have recently come into a modest inheritance.

I think we should use the money to upgrade to a larger size house in our current area, and then send DC to private school further away (45-minute commute). The area where we live is not flash, but I love our community and have good friends here. Primary schools are good. Public secondary schools, however, do not have a good reputation.

DH would rather purchase in alternative area across the other side of the city, where secondary school options are very good. Due to the price difference between areas, we would be unlikely to have a bigger house (which we both would really like), and, over time, I strongly suspect that we would probably lose a lot of existing friendships from our current community, apart from one or two really close ones. Purely due to logistics of being across other side of town.

AIBU?

If the price differences between the houses are major considerations, are you sure you can afford the probable ~£400,000 it will cost to put two children through a private secondary school?

I’d argue friendships are to an extent just driven by being there, and to stay exclusively because of them may lead to disappointment when they leave.

My DD will be going by bus, so I don’t need to worry about the commute myself, but I think it will be a bit tiring for her.

So is a good education - be it state or private.

Communities do exist in other towns and friendships can be made elsewhere - their nature will/can change with the stages of your life.
True friends will remain so now matter where you are. Having said that, the other side of town does not sound like it is that far away that it would affect friendships.

Yes, this is exactly the situation. The DC and I all have good friends locally. DH doesn’t. So he is not tied to the area.

I am not someone who makes friends quickly, but I now have some lovely friends locally. We all help each other when we’re sick with taking the kids for playdates or with transport to activities etc. When my DM died recently, their support was incredible and invaluable. However, it did take me a number of years to get this point, so I’m nervous to start over!

It is definitely worth considering the commute for her.
However, there is the potential for good friendships and a social network around the school commute. One of DC’s friends lives a 30 second walk from school and has FOMO when all their friends arrive and leave together, chatting and making plans.
This is a bit of an unknown, of course, but wanted to give a potential positive side to the commute.

Errrr, yes, the second! 🫣

We live in a 3-bed detached house. But we do live in Australia, so detached is the norm tbf, and a pool is almost a necessity where we live because it is soooo hot in summer. 🥵

It really won’t be, it’ll be the norm.
My kids had a (minimum of) 1h door to door commute their whole school lives and it totally doesn’t phase them.
As an adult looking at it, it’s hard because you think ‘oh hell no - I would hate it’. But they sit and chat/do homework/social media and honestly I don’t know any of the kids who find it difficult at all.

That’s really good to know, thanks.

And I wouldn’t want (wouldn’t do) a 45 minute commute, FWIW.
Kids are totally different to us. Especially at seniors age, where the opportunity to watch endless videos is welcomed!

If you spend the money on a house you could potentially get it back if you sell. If you spend it on private school it’s gone forever!

I think you need to decide what your top priority is (house, school, community) and use that to anchor your decision. For me, education would be the priority. I would look at all the potential schools and work out which was the best fit for my DC. This does not necessarily always mean private. If the house matters most, the school is secondary and has to fit around that. Community is hugely important, but you can move and rebuild a nice community. If you live next door to your nan and opposite your best friend I wouldn’t move. If it’s a looser sort of community that you can rebuild elsewhere, I would.

What's the rush to spend it? Why don't you bump up your pension and have retire early?

I would stay where you have the support network. The secondary schools could change and improve and then others go downhill.

I wouldn’t want to move as it’s taken me years to build a network of friends locally. I was a teacher so never at the school gate to get that support

If you like your area stay there. It's stupid to move for a temporary reason like school because that really is very short term.
Also does your kid not get a say in this? What do they think about moving school? Or to a place with no friends?
You might be better off saving the cash for a bigger house where you are and topping up the existing education with extras like music, sports, arts and tutors and so on.

Nothing wrong with getting used to a longer commute if required. You don't need to baby your kids. Mine was 90 mins each way. My child's commute by bus is 60 mins each way. He's fine with it.

Are you able to extend your current property?

@letsgoforadip I was coming on here to say more or less the same as the poster I am quoting above

As you say you have a moderate inheritance and also that moving to the better area won't allow you to also buy a bigger house there, it doesn't sound like the inheritance will be anything like enough to also fund a Private school - or were you budgeting on doing that anyway, before the inheritance?

Plus - how old is/are your DC? That' is entirely relevant to your question. Answers may very well vary, depending whether you have a DC moving to Secondary School next year or whether they have not long started school?

If your children are at primary school you may find those friends fall away when children go to high school. I would caution about buying a house based on a friendship group.

It took me well over an hour to commute to my state school (decent walk to bus stop, long bus journey, long walk to school) and everyone in my area did it. It was fine and nobody thought twice about it.

In this case wouldn't be moving.

I agree.
We are urban and I could pick mine up and be home in 10 minutes. They like the decompress with friends after school.
They do like a lift innthe morning though.

It’s common for the kids to travel a way for independent schools, however few things to consider with the distance from school, Will you be driving your child to school? We have a 40min commute each way to school, so I’m driving for about 2hrs 40mins roughy each day on the school run. None of DC friends are local so meeting up has to be managed, after school events might start later than end of day so do you hang around or go home & travel back. The days longer obviously so eats into homework time. Can you/ DC manage that kind of thing long term? It can be done just think of the practical side.

My DDs have a 1 hour commute (15 year old) and a 30 minute commute, but a 1 hour round-trip for me (10 year old). Their closest friends are still their old local primary school friends. I've said for a while that we'd move close to the eldest's secondary school if we won the lottery. I'm not 100% sure we'd even do that as we are settled in our community. They both have some after school activities locally, that also keep them connected to local friends.

I'm not sure what the difference is like in your area, but the difference between independent and state schools in our area is stark. Whilst my DDs wouldn't do badly at state schools, I think they wouldn't be as happy, engaged and have anything like the extra curricular opportunities they have at their independent schools.

Im with your husband. The maths would make me feel sick.

Compare the school results of the better areas to the private school - just how much better are they? Are they 1/4 million pounds better.

Add up the cost of private school for 7 years. Average 18k a year - that’s probably low too as they’ll be price increases. So that’s 126k.. assume you’d upped the mortgage by that much instead. The house in the nicer area is highly likely to have increased in value by 125k after 7 years. How much would all that extra equity help your son out in other ways.

How will your son feel having no local friends once he’s older and wants to socialise?

Also consider, are you definitely not having another child? As in, what if you did and the. Had to pay for both to be privately educated. Even if you do only have your son to consider, really do your research in the results of the schools. Is it worth that much money, or would your son do similar at a local school in a nicer areas… could you use the money instead to fund a fabulous university and PHD perhaps.
Some children will do well wherever, so long as the school isn’t terrible.

Yes there’s a lot to be said for feeling part of a community, but those areas with the nicer schools likely have that too.

I have a totally different take for you to consider….

Depending on the value of inheritance.

The amount of money you’d be spending on private education, can you invest for each of them so it makes more money and they stay in their existing area and just go to the available state school?

This was it’s not costing you more, you earn more and instead invest in helping them on the property ladder?

We can spend a fortune on education but it doesn’t guarantee a well paying job, which ultimately people work to get on property ladder anyway?

By giving them a help on the property ladder it also means they can do a job they love not slave after in order to get a house.

One thing I would say is when you have teens and they need to be at school at 8.30am…a 45 minute commute in traffic (it could it be more!) becomes a real pain for them (and you if driving). It’s wasted time, they could be sleeping or doing homework etc.

My DD is at private school 20 mins drive away. In rush hour that’s often 40 mins. We have to leave at 7.40am at the very latest to get there by car, by bus she’s leaving home at 7.15am. It’s hard for 13-15 year olds who really want their sleep! I would consider this in your decision making. Also if it’s 45 mins away, your kids will not have friends locally I assume so you’ll be driving all over at weekends.

i do this myself and it’s just 20 mins away (and it’s been worth it for fantastic schooling) but it is something to consider…