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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling a bit low with people not responding

35 replies

Cow00000 · 28/09/2025 14:22

A friend had a baby around 2 months ago, her second. This is somebody I went to school with and I've been to all the hen, wedding and baby showers and so on she's had. I moved an hour away, probably more like 50 mins drive, they have in their words a very top of the range car worth over 50k.
I moved before the 2 kids came along and she's never once been here, never seen the place I bought, never met my new boyfriend.

Im not yet married with kids, after her baby was born I sent a card congratulating her, I messaged saying I would love to come and meet her newborn son, she read it and never replied. I know people are going to pile on me for that, but she's posting plenty on social media and has clearly met up with other people.

Another one, not as big of a deal but an old colleague from a job I left. She got in touch to message asking how I was doing and if I fancied a coffee. I was surprised as this doesn't happen to me often. We met and I thought we got on well, though she kept telling me she doesn't like people and doesn't gel with them easily. Around 6 weeks later I messaged her again asking how she was doing, she was trying to be polite, I messaged if she wanted to meet up again and no response, it's been 4 weeks.

So it just feels like 2 recent snubs and I don't know what I've done wrong. I know I won't be everyone's cup of tea but I think I'm likeable. I've heard when people become parents and get married they tend to hang around with similar couples and move on from people they feel they can't relate to anymore.

OP posts:
Cow00000 · 28/09/2025 14:24

If you're going to go out of your way to tell me I'm desperate, needy, odd or whatever then save it, I've seen this on other threads and I've not posted here for that.

OP posts:
morellamalessdrama · 28/09/2025 14:53

I do think people are in ‘busy land’ these days and sometimes forget that to have good connections with friends then you have to make time for them. The first friend may have a lot on her plate with the new baby.

Could it perhaps be that to meet up it would mean a big chunk of her day? I have a friend that lives about an hour from me who I do like to meet up with but whenever I meet with her, I feel pressure to carve out half a day at the weekend to see her when ideally I’d rather meet for an hour or two (at most) and leave it at that.

SomethingWitty44 · 28/09/2025 14:53

Hi OP,
I’m so sorry to read this is happening to you.
I, too, am in the exact same situation as you & could have written your post. Being left on read by more than one person is upsetting & I am trying really hard to find coping mechanisms to deal with this but don’t know how.
I get fed up of hearing people say they’re busy, it takes seconds to reply to a text, I just think they don’t want to. Society today seems to be really self centred & no one seems to care about anyone other than themselves.
I wish you all the very best x

Crikeyalmighty · 28/09/2025 14:56

@SomethingWitty44 it’s common OP - I don’t think it’s you -

Crikeyalmighty · 28/09/2025 15:00

And yes I think it’s piss poor too - I think a lot of people do tend to compartmentalise and can’t be arsed if you aren’t on the doorstep - transactional friends - deep friendship regardless of where you are or like circumstances seems hard to come by these days, especially if you don’t stay in your childhood area

ComfortFoodCafe · 28/09/2025 15:04

Its not you, they are just rude as fuck.

hideawayforever · 28/09/2025 15:10

A lot of people seem very selfish/self centred nowadays. Move on from them, they've given their answer.

MoominMai · 28/09/2025 15:20

@Cow00000 definitely not you they sound rude and inconsiderate. Your first friend just sounds like a user tbh. I’ve read so many threads where a friend has been to a supposed bestie’s hen do, wedding, baby shower - think about it, that would have all cost money, made the photos look good with loads of their young friends there for social media and of course they get all the gifts at these events. But then once that’s over certain of their friends for whatever reason get virtually dumped as it were when they’re no more use to them. Their loss OP.

boberto88 · 28/09/2025 15:40

I’m sorry op. Some people can be so wrapped up in themselves and it’s very shit.
I’m currently through going through infertility and had a friend tell me how having kids means life is all about mum friends and play dates. She stated this no more than 20 minutes after me discussing how lonely I feel currently with all the infertility shit going on. Feeling extra low today as I’ve just had another failed round.
big hugs OP. You are not alone xxx

Yabayabadoo · 28/09/2025 15:43

So many rude people even family members take the time to read but dont reply, we are all busy but communication doesnt even have to involve speaking. You’re not alone op

nomas · 28/09/2025 15:43

Most people are wrapped up in their own lives. Don’t take it personally.

The key is to stop making effort with people who don’t reciprocate and make an effort with this who do reciprocate.

Don’t contact these women again, the ball is in their court.

Cow00000 · 28/09/2025 16:58

Thank you for the understanding and support.

OP posts:
Cow00000 · 28/09/2025 17:02

I would've travelled to the home of the friend with baby too to make it easier for her, I've always gone to hers.

OP posts:
PrincessofWells · 28/09/2025 17:06

It's so difficult when friends give confused messages. A friend said he's having a month of work, we should meet up, I text him, no response.

It's so rude and tbh when that happens I just cross them off the metaphorical friends/potential friends list.

Libertylawn · 28/09/2025 17:07

It’s a bit shit. But I swear I didn’t know which was was up, with a 2 month old. I sat in a garden centre cafe with a full tit out and didn’t realise till I felt a gust of wind over my nipple. Imagine the most knackered and disoriented you’ve ever been, then multiply. And that was only with my very easy first baby. It’s the biggest shock ever. And not personal. X

MildredismyNane · 28/09/2025 17:14

It happens to the best of us, OP, and it's hurtful.

Remember what Mel Robbins says: if they wanted to, they would.

Jellybunny56 · 28/09/2025 17:17

Is it possible you’re maybe just expecting a bit much from the wrong people, or that you’re misreading the closeness of these friendships?

Someone with a new baby for example is unlikely to be a reliable friend, I know I wasn’t when my daughter was 2 months old. It took every bit of energy I had to just muddle through the days and keep everyone alive & clean, driving an hour to see a friend was not even remotely possible in my mind and I also don’t know that I’d have been keen to invite anyone other than close friends/family round to see my in that state.

The colleague- I think having a one off coffee with an old colleague to catch up is “the norm” and doesn’t suggest a willingness or need to make it a regular thing.

Enigma54 · 28/09/2025 17:20

People are rude and selfish OP, it’s not you. Surround yourself with people who can be bothered.

Cow00000 · 28/09/2025 18:28

If im misreading the friendship then why are they expecting me to attend all their events and spend a fortune?

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/09/2025 18:31

Friend one has dropped you - block and move on

Friend two is dealing with some personal issues that have nothing to do with you. Wish her well and move on xx

Cow00000 · 28/09/2025 18:35

Friend 1, I only went to her baby shower a couple of months ago and travelled to her as I usually do and sent a card.
Friend 2, I feel like I probably just wasn't her 'vibe' I know I'm dwelling, I just want to forget these people and find friends who actually care and make effort.

OP posts:
FurForksSake · 28/09/2025 18:39

Did you delete your last post on this? I’m sorry you are still struggling with these two situations, probably best to move on and make more friendships or find some interesting hobbies and pastimes to make you feel less isolated.

Endofyear · 28/09/2025 19:09

Friend one has a new baby and presumably a toddler, she's probably sleep deprived, trying to establish feeding and give her other child attention - I wouldn't be offended that she hasn't replied. She's probably just too knackered to think about more visitors after having all the family rock up to see the new baby! I would just send her a breezy message saying I hope you're all well and let me know when you're feeling up to having visitors.

Friend 2 sounds like she has difficulties with personal relationships so I wouldn't take it personally.

EmeraldRoulette · 28/09/2025 19:15

@Cow00000 it's not you

I know how painful it is x

TravelPanic · 28/09/2025 20:27

It’s difficult, I know. I try to have a very wide circle of friends so if a couple are being off with me, I can shrug it off more easily as plenty more to try with. I find most people these days have numerous periods where they can’t really deal with more than the necessary parts of life (work, kids, health) so when a friend ignores me I assume they’re in one of those periods and will come back to me eventually. I know it’s hard though x