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Original poster

Should I rake up the past or leave it where it is? ***Trigger warning added by MNHQ: contains content about CSA***

38 replies

Lookingback29 · 27/09/2025 22:58

When I was 15 (20 years ago) I was doing work experience in a local hospital.

One of the care assistants had asked me to do the blood pressures on all the patients so I did but I did the scoring system incorrectly (obviously I should never have been doing this as basically a child with no training!!) the ward manager was extremely cross with me and I was very upset

One of the drs (he was about 30 at the time) saw me and gave me a hug and said I could work with him instead. Basically from then on he flattered me, messaged constantly, and kept asking to meet up. One day he insisted on meeting me in a wood. He told me we should have sex (I was a virgin) I didn’t want to but he proceeded to anyway and all I can really remember is it hurting, seeing a deer (!!!) being cold and then worrying I was pregnant.

After that he harassed me with 100s of text messages a day. When I started college I showed my tutor the messages and he said to go to the police but I was too scared and by this point he had moved away. I changed my number and of course everything then stopped.

I often wonder about what he’s doing now. He’s a successful doctor and I’m really furious with him for what he did to me. Would you try and contact him? I will most likely just not do anything but I never ever told anyone about it and it’s felt nice to write it down!

OP posts:
huffdragon · 27/09/2025 23:06

I’m sorry this happened to you. I was also sexually assaulted by someone in the hospital where I worked age 18. I think about it from time to time and am pretty sure I wasn’t the first or last. I think you have to decide what you want to get out of contacting him. If he denies it, or blocks you, how is that going to make you feel? If you think he is doing it to other people, would you think of going to the police? I’ve thought about it myself but realise it is incredibly difficult to prove anything all these years later and he is probably an old man by now. I don’t know what the answer is but understand your dilemma.

Allthatshines1992 · 27/09/2025 23:13

Please report him. You're safe now and away from him and any harm he could do to you and by reporting you could help to protect others.

Givenupshopping · 27/09/2025 23:26

Even though years have gone by OP, I really do think you should go to the police about this. With someone like a doctor, who may well be dealing with vulnerable women every day, he should definitely be investigated. For all you know, another young woman may have reported him and not been believed, however, if you were to report what happened to you, it may just lead to the first accusation being taken seriously, and action taken against him. Please have the courage to report this man.

Ikeameatballs · 27/09/2025 23:29

Please report him to the police

crazeekat · 27/09/2025 23:32

You can see if he is still
practicing on the GMC. Then I think you can speak to the police, they will have liason who can give you advice. Have you looked him up on social media? A doctor where I live has just been stuck off for sexual contact with a minor. They are not above the law hun. I hope you do what is right for you. He abused you and is still in a position of trust. It would be difficult but never believe you can’t do anything. I’m sorry you had to go through this.

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2025 23:44

Only you know if reporting will make you feel better or worse. Without evidence solely your testimony may not do anything. But there might be many more and we know from all the predators that you need 20 women to say something. Maybe there are already 19 and it would make a difference.

surprisebaby12 · 27/09/2025 23:44

if you’ve got to the stage you could tackle this legally, I say go for it. Yes it might come to nothing without evidence, but it may also reveal a pattern of behaviour. Every report adds up

WiggyPig · 27/09/2025 23:51

When you say 20 years ago is that exactly 20 years ago i.e. 2005? If it was after 2003, then he was committing a serious sexual offence (abuse of a position of trust) having offered for you to work with him instead, and that's before you get on to the harassment with the hundreds of messages. Even if in his head it was "consensual" (or he claims to believe it was) that's not a defence, he knew you were 15 and he had offered to take over supervision of your work experience.

If it was pre-2003 then he was an absolute pig but there's probably little to be gained from reporting him.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 28/09/2025 15:27

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

put it down to a growing up experience

Excuse me? Older man rapes child and harasses her until she changes her number and this is your take?

Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:28

You can report it. You may find that the police already have his name on record. I would.

Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:30

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

Being raped isn’t ’a growing up experience’. It’s sexual violence and should be reported.

Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:31

WiggyPig · 27/09/2025 23:51

When you say 20 years ago is that exactly 20 years ago i.e. 2005? If it was after 2003, then he was committing a serious sexual offence (abuse of a position of trust) having offered for you to work with him instead, and that's before you get on to the harassment with the hundreds of messages. Even if in his head it was "consensual" (or he claims to believe it was) that's not a defence, he knew you were 15 and he had offered to take over supervision of your work experience.

If it was pre-2003 then he was an absolute pig but there's probably little to be gained from reporting him.

Age 15. This would always be rape of a child.

Maddy70 · 28/09/2025 22:59

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 28/09/2025 15:27

put it down to a growing up experience

Excuse me? Older man rapes child and harasses her until she changes her number and this is your take?

Show quote history

Yes that's exactly what I suggest. From my own experience, it's unhealthy to rake it up, it brings it all back and for what ? To be dragged through court, newspapers etc.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 28/09/2025 23:20

Maddy70 · 28/09/2025 22:59

Yes that's exactly what I suggest. From my own experience, it's unhealthy to rake it up, it brings it all back and for what ? To be dragged through court, newspapers etc.

Show quote history

Well I’m really sorry if you’ve been through similar, but you said yourself twice this was your experience that it was unhealthy.

I cannot ever advise a childhood rape victim to ‘put it behind you’. It smacks of ‘here, I’ve got the brush and dustpan, you lift the rug’.

Kate148 · 28/09/2025 23:26

Do not contact him.

Do report him.

LoveToRun866 · 29/09/2025 00:00

'Would you try and contact him?'
No, absolutely not @Lookingback29
Why would you contact him?

I'm so sorry you went through this and have carried it with you for so long.
As a rape victim/survivor, you absolutely need to report this to the police.

A previous poster appears to have misunderstood the Sexual Offences Act 2003.
'Historical' cases of sexual offending are absolutely acted on and the CPS will seek to prosecute him.
Please don't dwell on this any longer, and please think of other potential victims, past, present, and future.
You know what you went through, and you need some closure and you need justice.

BleuBella · 29/09/2025 00:18

Maybe contact him to take back your power and let him know you can walk into a police station anytime and report him for what he did and you will be believed . That’s what I said to someone who I bumped into 30 years after he sexually assaulted me . I wish I could have captured the look on his face when he realised the enormity of what I had said just before I walked away . I probably won’t ever report him to the police as he would deny it totally and it’s his word against mine so nothing would come of it but it felt so good to say it to him . Hopefully I’ve caused him some sleepless nights .

Itstruetrueitis · 29/09/2025 00:20

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Some men are vile. I really worry for my DD when she is older

If you feel like you can, I would definetly report it. How dare he of done that to you

KaterinaTulip · 29/09/2025 00:28

Please report it. He was twice your age and other victims may have come forward. He groomed and raped you. Talk to Rape Crisis.

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 01:01

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

I agree, I wouldn’t report after all this time either, you would be getting involved in a long drawn out legal case where you could even be accused of lying, I think it would be extremely mentally draining and he might not even be convicted.

What I might do is contact him and ask him if he remembered you, then tell him what happened to jog his memory….I would want to torment him a bit and let him live in fear of YOU reporting him

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/09/2025 01:10

Everyonceinawhile · 29/09/2025 01:01

I agree, I wouldn’t report after all this time either, you would be getting involved in a long drawn out legal case where you could even be accused of lying, I think it would be extremely mentally draining and he might not even be convicted.

What I might do is contact him and ask him if he remembered you, then tell him what happened to jog his memory….I would want to torment him a bit and let him live in fear of YOU reporting him

Show quote history

This is dreadful advice. At worst, he’d enjoy it. And OP would be retraumatised.

TooTooMuchEverything · 29/09/2025 01:14

Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:28

You can report it. You may find that the police already have his name on record. I would.

Edited

I think I’d probably do this too.

You asked if you should contact him? No. I’d advise definitely not.

But Yes to reporting him to police.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 29/09/2025 01:16

Absolute bastard. I'm so sorry.
I'd love to say drag him though the justice system, sadly it is the victim who gets dragged through the justice system. There is people who will support you through the process whatever you decide, contact the rape crisis centre for advice and support. Good luck 💐

PinkJ · 29/09/2025 01:25

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