Should I rake up the past or leave it where it is? ***Trigger warning added by MNHQ: contains content about CSA***

[Lookingback29]

When I was 15 (20 years ago) I was doing work experience in a local hospital.

One of the care assistants had asked me to do the blood pressures on all the patients so I did but I did the scoring system incorrectly (obviously I should never have been doing this as basically a child with no training!!) the ward manager was extremely cross with me and I was very upset

One of the drs (he was about 30 at the time) saw me and gave me a hug and said I could work with him instead. Basically from then on he flattered me, messaged constantly, and kept asking to meet up. One day he insisted on meeting me in a wood. He told me we should have sex (I was a virgin) I didn’t want to but he proceeded to anyway and all I can really remember is it hurting, seeing a deer (!!!) being cold and then worrying I was pregnant.

After that he harassed me with 100s of text messages a day. When I started college I showed my tutor the messages and he said to go to the police but I was too scared and by this point he had moved away. I changed my number and of course everything then stopped.

I often wonder about what he’s doing now. He’s a successful doctor and I’m really furious with him for what he did to me. Would you try and contact him? I will most likely just not do anything but I never ever told anyone about it and it’s felt nice to write it down!

I disagree

At best he would be shaken up and traumatised by his past offences being brought up when he thought he had got away with them, also he would be living in fear of the OP reporting him

Obviously she wouldn’t have to see him or speak to him ( communicate it in writing to him) but she could get some satisfaction knowing that she had now put him in a position where something was playing on his mind, believe me he wouldn’t get any satisfaction from this as he knows if she reported and he was convicted he would at the very least loose his licence and his career ( possibly his marriage if married) and at best also get a jail term

Do you really think he would enjoy that, find it satisfying….because I think it would scare the shit out of him !

Surely that's a thought you should keep to yourself and not actually post? Vile

I'm being purposely vague here, but I reported something on someone's behalf twenty years later and social services took it very seriously. They agreed there was not enough evidence police to prosecute, but it went on the man's file in case anyone else made a similar report. That was exactly the reason I I reported it in the first place. Some of this involved children, and I thought that when they became adults they might come forward. The only thing we could do to support that was to make sure the file was already in place so they wouldn't face the pain of not being believed.

If you possibly can, report it to the police. Take someone with you to support you. Do NOT contact this guy directly.

Where did you get that spurious statistic from?

Whaaaaaat?
Actual grooming and rape - even if OP wanted to put it behind her (and I’m sure she’s got on with her life since then, like most survivors of SA and CSA have to) she is entitled and encouraged to consider other outcomes, such as going to the Police!
This man is a predator, continuing on with his life, while OP has held this in her body and mind throughout the rest of her childhood and into adulthood.

Surely rape is a serious sexual offence no?

Terrible advice to just accept it. He may have done this many times throughout his dominant career.
The police could have information on him.

How do you think this contact will impact OP
Ridiculous idea to try scare the rapist who has a highly respected job, if anything it would discredit OP.

It’s not a growing up experience..

Thanks everyone for your advice, I’m not sure I can report it. I feel really embarrassed about it and I would hate my parents to find out (even in my 30s!!) but I do hope he’s never done it again although I’m sure he probably has, I will sit on it and do some thinking

Whatever you do, and it is your choice, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed. As the wonderful and brave Gisele Pelicot said recently, “shame must change sides”. You did nothing wrong and he did everything wrong.

I wouldn’t try to contact him, no. There is nothing to be gained from that. If you do feel able, it would be worth talking to the police, as they may have other reports about this man that your experience backs up.

huh….what has the fact that he has a ‘highly respected position’ got to do with anything!🤷‍♀️…..a rapist is a rapist !

And anyway what the hell are you talking about, why would the OP writing a letter to him asking him did e remember her and then running through the events on that particular night be considered her trying to scare him ( do you not think that particular night didn’t scare her) and anyway what do you think he would do with said letter ……report her !…..have some sense woman 🤷‍♀️