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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help autistic daughter not let anyone kiss her in the mouth

49 replies

Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:29

Can someone please give me some advice how to help my four year old autistic child understand not to let people kiss her in the face or grandparents in the mouth. I’ve made it clear to them to not kiss her but I just don’t trust them .My daughter does understand language and is verbal but is hard for her to understand no kissing in the face with anyone …or boundaries in general . I did show her pictures of no kissing but still she allows them . I’m loosing my mind here , I’m her mother and I never spread germs in her mouth .

OP posts:
Amba1998 · 27/09/2025 22:30

The issue here is the people you have asked not to kiss your child and they continue to do so. They are the ones who don’t understand boundaries

LegoPicnic · 27/09/2025 22:31

She’s four.

Autistic or not, this isn’t her responsibility to enforce - unless she doesn’t like it, in which case I imagine she’d make her feelings VERY clear.

cestlavielife · 27/09/2025 22:32

Eh just tell the adults not to kiss her on the mouth

NoisyLittleOtter · 27/09/2025 22:33

It’s the adults you need to be dealing with in this scenario, not your child.

FuzzyWolf · 27/09/2025 22:33

At her age, and with her vulnerabilities, you can only leave her in the care of people you trust. Clearly you don’t trust her grandparents so you need to ensure you are always supervising her. It’s not for her to resolve.

NerrSnerr · 27/09/2025 22:34

If you don’t trust other adults not to kiss her on her mouth then you can’t leave her with them without a parent there to stop them.

VikaOlson · 27/09/2025 22:34

Surely you tell her grandparents not to kiss her on the mouth if you don't like it?

It's not a 4 year old's responsibility!

HedwigEliza · 27/09/2025 22:34

She’s only four! How can she possibly be expected to ‘not let’ people do this - it’s not her responsibility to safeguard herself. Your expectations are misplaced.

PurpleAxe · 27/09/2025 22:35

This isn't on her.

RedToothBrush · 27/09/2025 22:35

She's four.

You are asking her to do something beyond her understanding and ability.

Why?

Original poster
Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:36

LegoPicnic · 27/09/2025 22:31

She’s four.

Autistic or not, this isn’t her responsibility to enforce - unless she doesn’t like it, in which case I imagine she’d make her feelings VERY clear.

She likes hugs and is very lovable from nature , problem is kissing in the mouth, grandma doesn’t do it infront of me but the moment I’ll turn my back she will . That’s why I want to teach her not to accept it.

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 27/09/2025 22:37

Yeah op, she is so young, its not really something she can advocate against herself x

OhDear111 · 27/09/2025 22:39

How bizarre. Tell grandma very firmly no. I find it odd an adult does this. Yuk!

TwistedWonder · 27/09/2025 22:39

Why on earth is anyone kissing a 4 year old on the mouth?

TwistedWonder · 27/09/2025 22:40

Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:36

She likes hugs and is very lovable from nature , problem is kissing in the mouth, grandma doesn’t do it infront of me but the moment I’ll turn my back she will . That’s why I want to teach her not to accept it.

Show quote history

It’s grandma you neee a serious word with. If she can’t stick to your boundaries then she can’t be alone with your dd - simple as that

Original poster
Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:41

RedToothBrush · 27/09/2025 22:35

She's four.

You are asking her to do something beyond her understanding and ability.

Why?

Because it really bothers me having people in her mouth and I’m just so mad at them .
what should I do? Not letting them visiting us?

OP posts:
VikaOlson · 27/09/2025 22:43

Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:41

Because it really bothers me having people in her mouth and I’m just so mad at them .
what should I do? Not letting them visiting us?

Show quote history

Teach grandma, not the child.

PurpleThistle7 · 27/09/2025 22:43

Yeah you have a grandmother problem. It will take years for your daughter to be able to do this. If ever. Children are taught to listen to their adults so it’s super confusing to then say ‘except this’ - particularly for children who might have communication challenges.

If your mother doesn’t respect your parenting then you either need to make peace with it or stop leaving them unsupervised. There will be something else after this one and then something else again.

GloryFades · 27/09/2025 22:43

Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:41

Because it really bothers me having people in her mouth and I’m just so mad at them .
what should I do? Not letting them visiting us?

Show quote history

in her mouth?!

Anyone kissing a child IN their mouth should not be around the child ever again, supervised or otherwise.

Kissing on the mouth - you can tell adults no, you can tell your child that if she doesn’t like it she can say / communicate no - but if grandma wants to do it and child doesn’t mind, and grandma doesn’t respect your boundaries then there’s nothing you can do other than never turn your back.

Original poster
Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:43

OhDear111 · 27/09/2025 22:39

How bizarre. Tell grandma very firmly no. I find it odd an adult does this. Yuk!

i know it makes me so mad. She’s ok when I tell her not to do it but than she will do it secretly

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 27/09/2025 22:44

GloryFades · 27/09/2025 22:43

in her mouth?!

Anyone kissing a child IN their mouth should not be around the child ever again, supervised or otherwise.

Kissing on the mouth - you can tell adults no, you can tell your child that if she doesn’t like it she can say / communicate no - but if grandma wants to do it and child doesn’t mind, and grandma doesn’t respect your boundaries then there’s nothing you can do other than never turn your back.

Show quote history

I thought this as well. Who on earth is giving a four year old a French kiss?

Original poster
Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:45

FuzzyWolf · 27/09/2025 22:33

At her age, and with her vulnerabilities, you can only leave her in the care of people you trust. Clearly you don’t trust her grandparents so you need to ensure you are always supervising her. It’s not for her to resolve.

You’re absolutely right

OP posts:
IneedtheeohIneedtheeeveryhourIneedthee · 27/09/2025 22:48

It bothers YOU. Does it bother HER?
If it isn't making her uncomfortable and upset, leave her alone. I am guessing kissing IN her mouth is an error (how do kiss someone in their mouth?)

Laserwho · 27/09/2025 22:50

It's a grandma problem. My NT son was 8 before he plucked up the courage to ask relatives not to kiss him, he prefers high fives. It's to much to expect your 4 year old to do this

Original poster
Lize90 · 27/09/2025 22:57

PurpleThistle7 · 27/09/2025 22:43

Yeah you have a grandmother problem. It will take years for your daughter to be able to do this. If ever. Children are taught to listen to their adults so it’s super confusing to then say ‘except this’ - particularly for children who might have communication challenges.

If your mother doesn’t respect your parenting then you either need to make peace with it or stop leaving them unsupervised. There will be something else after this one and then something else again.

I have a new born at the moment and they are visiting us from abroad , it’s hard for me to supervise all the time as I’m all day breastfeeding . What’s left is to kick them out which will be a big fight with all of them and my husband and they get very easy offended ..from experience of the past . I don’t think my body can accept I though if I see it again I’m gonna loose it

OP posts:
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