Help autistic daughter not let anyone kiss her in the mouth

[Lize90]

Can someone please give me some advice how to help my four year old autistic child understand not to let people kiss her in the face or grandparents in the mouth. I’ve made it clear to them to not kiss her but I just don’t trust them .My daughter does understand language and is verbal but is hard for her to understand no kissing in the face with anyone …or boundaries in general . I did show her pictures of no kissing but still she allows them . I’m loosing my mind here , I’m her mother and I never spread germs in her mouth .

At that age I think you have very little chance of getting her to enforce boundaries especially with adults she trusts. You need to be supervising at all times and dealing with them.

Then even more important to see clear boundaries now as you are years - if ever - from your daughter doing it. My ND daughter is 12 and cannot easily say no to adults, she’s a huge people pleaser. It’s my job to advocate for and support her. She is not a fan of being touched so I’ve had many, many fights with our parents about this but it’s just not happening (we are immigrants too so the grandparents are all overseas)

You do mean on the mouth not in don’t you?

Stop saying in the mouth. Yuk. It's on the mouth, or on the lips.

Yes!!! Exactly this

I’m sorry English is not my first language .on the lips .

You must be firmer with grandparents. It is not appropriate behaviour and the child can not be expected to assert themselves in this position, that is your job.

Sorry yes lips .

Slightly different but my now 5yo (NT) went through a phase of wanting to kiss people on the lips. We explained about germs and that if someone had a nasty cough, kissing on the lips could give it to him. I got a cold sore at one point which was another good teaching opportunity, he definitely decided he didn't want one of those! Whilst you can help her assert boundaries, I agree with PP that its ultimately on you to enforce the rules with the adults involved. I dont get why people want to kiss children on the lips 🤢 I dont even kiss my own children on the lips, its creepy unhygienic and weird.

You’re absolutely right . Not to sure what else to do as they gonna leave in a week ..they live abroad

Sorry I meant on the lips I wrote this completely wrong .

Yes sorry I’m the lips .
indont know if it bothers her but I don’t think anyone likes people kissing their face all the time . Why should I allowed people spreading germs in her face …there are so many ways to show your love

A peck on the lips is hardly a germ bath ….

There are lots of people for whom that would be fine, and people who will do this in adulthood. It’s also more common in some cultures than others.

You don’t like it though, and that’s fine. If your daughter doesn’t mind it, she’s not going to enforce it, that’s very much your job

You have to advocate for her. She is 4. Tell them no kissing. Explain that you are worried about things like germs but also about her understanding of appropriate boundaries with adults. You know they would never hurt her but that she's learning from them what is okay for adults to do and she more vulnerable.

Teacher her the boundaries song. Hopefully it will help her in the future. My 2 are able to advocate for themselves but we have talked about boundaries as long as they can remember. I'm experienced CSA and have trued to empower them at a young age.

Sorry not about kissing but about boundaries

https://share.google/r5xnBkfOvgyoVRuXC

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LnroTxz7USI

We also got good books on body boundaries on amazon.

You could try to adapt a social story. This one is about no kissing at school but I'm sure you can adapt it.

https://share.google/gjhhm9cNcgriO73Yl

The problem is not trusting your relatives! It’s really not difficult to avoid kissing your little daughter on the mouth! Why the hell are they continuing to do it?

What does your DH say about a kiss on DC face?

That’s far too much responsibility to put on your dd. It’s confusing, and frankly probably emotionally damaging, to expect her to switch off in the middle of a cuddle and sort out an adult’s behaviour. It’s going to add shame and guilt right in the middle of joy and love. Just no.

This is about you and grandma. Two adults with their issues and beliefs. Leave your dd out of it.

If you can’t make grandma behave you either have to put up with it, or confront her, convince her, get your dh to deal, insist she leave, throw a strop, etc. But it’s for you, as the adult, to deal with this. Don’t confuse a 4 year old.

She's not your possession. She wants to kiss her grandparents like that I don't see it's a big deal. One of my dc was similar as a toddler, they grew out of it.

Do you and her dad kiss her on the mouth/face ? Is it a thing in your husband’s culture? If you do it at home she won’t understand why grandparents are different and might even like it/prompt it as it’s what she’s used to and sees it as affection.

Is this the only issue you have with the inlaws or is it one of many? How does your husband feel about it?

i think you will have to let it go

No she’s not but I don’t want her to feel that she has to … it’s not her kissing them but them kissing her

Then you don't leave her alone with the grandmother.

OP, remember that there are a lot of grandparents on AIBU and some of them always side with the grandparents, no matter if they’re wrong.

You are 💯 entitled to stipulate that they cannot kiss your child on her mouth.

How long are they staying for?

🤢 If my Mil would have done this then I would never ever have left my sons with her. @Lize90 it sounds so weird, are they from a different culture where this is the norm?