Menopause or ND or both?

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

Please help. Tiktok has helped convince me something is not right (along with my husband!)

Bit of background: growing up I was never troublesome, upper set without really trying, small group of friends. Friends felt harder from sixth form onwards. Uni felt hard without the structure of school and I didn’t do as well as I could have. Been with DH since sixth form. Never been a tidy person.

In the last week I’ve missed two appointments despite having them in the calendar (one for the wrong time!). My house is permanently messy. Washing gets washed but never really put away. I can keep on top of the kids rooms but not my own and the kitchen is hit and miss.

I’m always tired. Feel stressed. I cried at work because I might have to leave my job, even though I love it, but the room can reach 30c+ in the summer and I can’t face that again.

PMS has been hitting especially hard the last few months leading to explosive arguments with DH even though we hardly ever fight otherwise.

I’m at the end of my tether with it all. Booked in at the drs to talk about perimenopause though DH keeps sending me these “You know you’re autistic when…” TikTok’s that hit a bit close to home. AIBU What is wrong with me?!

I could have written this, just over menopause and been diagnosed with ADHD. The messiness is not because I am lazy. Far from it. If you have always thought you were different and are regularly bewildered by things others find easy then you may well be ND. There’s too much to say here, I don’t use my diagnosis to excuse my flaws but it definitely does help because of the extreme anxiety and depression which comes with being ND. It’s definitely not ‘normal’ and yes menopause exaggerates everything! Don’t let people gas light you into thinking you’re over reacting, it’s a lack of empathy and unfortunately many people seem to only be able empathise with people like themselves. It’s infinity bias. Go with your gut especially if others are noticing also.

Your symptoms would have been present from childhood. I've been a walking disaster ever since I can remember (ADHD).

NOT TRUE. My DH and both my children are autistic and ‘got on fine at school’ it’s called masking.

Also not necessarily true, my daughter’s symptoms didn’t present until later on …

OP is there a history of neurodiversity in your family?
you can always have an assessment and pay privately if you can. Despite what people seem to think practitioners will not diagnose unless they are absolutely sure and the tests are rigorous.
may put your mind at ease if you are concerned x