Age gap conundrum

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I’m 40, he is 56 so 16 years between us. Nothing has happened yet and he is absolutely not my usual type but there is chemistry there and I feel like something could.
Interested in others experience and if this is to much of an age gap?

Depends on if you're just looking for sex or an actual relationship?

I'm 56 and I wouldn't even consider a relationship with a 40 year old, or a 72 year old.

Ooh good question! I guess I’m under no illusions that it would be a long term relationship. Just to my surprise I like him. I feel like I’m only just getting over a very difficult break up (we’ve been split for about 9 months) and he feels like a safe bet.

Would you go 16 years younger?
The gap feels okayish to you now but it will feel massive one day

Well that's got 'wrong' written all over it.

Give yourself more time to get over your past relationship.

As soon as you stop looking for a 'safe bet' (in other words settling), you'll know you're over it.

Do you really want to be my age with a 72 year old partner?

Maybe “safe bet” was the wrong turn of phrase! Just someone that I could trust and feel safe with, after what was quite a tumultuous relationship. I do feel I am over it and ready to date/have fun again. And there is genuinely a connection there.

Absolutely not! I don’t know if it’s different because I’m female 🤷🏽‍♀️ and I’m under no illusions that it would a long term relationship.

Has this 56 year old man ever dated a 72 year old?

I mean can you imagine him chatting up an elderly woman and asking her out?

If the answer is no, why would he expect you to want to date an elderly man when you're in your 50s?

Well my 50’s is still a decade away! I’m thinking more of the here and now. And if it’s one of those things that feels like a great idea but I would look back on in a couple of years and wonder what the hell I was thinking!
I’m sure lots of 40 year old women do have flings with 24 year old men but, no probably not so much 56 year old men and 72 year old women 😂

I think it probably wouldn't be an issue right now but could become one down the line.

I know of a couple where the woman is late 60s, very active etc. Her husband is 15 years old so now in his early 80s. Yes he could live for another decade but the reality is he is starting to not want to do things, go places etc.

I could not imagine being with such an elderly person in a few years (I'm early 60s).

DH is 11 years older than me, I am finding it hard now he has retired and I can't yet. And he is very fit and sprightly and not "elderly" in anyway at the moment. I do now worry that by the time I would normally retire this might not be the case and am looking as to how I can bring that forward a bit.

Nah

I think once people are adults - or possibly over 30, and know their own minds, it’s ridiculous to worry about age gaps.

The only issue is - consider the future. There need to be funds available for help and care if necessary.

I'm 35 dating a 46 year old. Bit less of an age gap. But I prefer older men to younger. First relationship were the man is older and feels great. Why don't you just see how it goes :)

I'm 63 and DH is 71 (72 on a couple of months). Both retired and sprightly, but I do notice that sometimes he is perfectly happy with the sofa and Sky Sports whereas I occasionally feel fidget. I do my dance classes, and encourage him to do things separately. In fact he likes getting out and about and is interested in loads of things, as an I, so it isn't a problem yet.

It’s the double standard I don’t like. Its not different for women.. why should only men get to go younger. Plenty of women have younger partners

Of course he wouldn’t. Men are usually looking for younger women. I’m 41 and often get eyed up by the oaps now. I’m married to someone my own age but would rather be celebrate than that.

Why the double standards?

I'm 40 and my boyfriend is 59. I have the opposite problem, his friends started telling him I'm too old for him (but the environment we're in is massively skewed towards young women and couples around us tend to have age gaps of 30 to 40).
In all honesty I seemed to have aged like 10-15 years in two, feels almost overnight. Feeling very insecure about it.

One of my parents and their partner has a similar age gap. They met as adults and have now been together for over 10 years. The age gap isn’t apparent and they have many mutual interests. The only time they struggle is when one wants to hike the countryside and the other finds it tiring. Having said that, I’m a lot younger and would find it tiring too so don’t think it’s necessarily an age thing!

I have been with my dp for 15yrs now, he is 14yrs older than me. We met when I was 37 and he is the best partner in the entire world, he has changed my life immeasurably. I really don't care about him aging as anyone's life can change in a heartbeat, regardless of age

His friends are old creeps. I hope he tells them to shut it? You're almost 20 years younger than him! They must be rich to get away with being that grim.

Does it have to be a long term thing?

You're both adults. Presumably both single and available.

Is he a friend you've developped feelings for? A colleague you're seeing in a new light? Someone you've just met?

Talk to him?

Life's too short to wonder 'what if'.

No, not rich but in an environment where they are hot assets, so the effect is similar. His best friend (55) is with a 22 year old, and my previous partner (60+) left me for a 19 year old, so I feel very weird as an inbetweener women. I can see he is having his doubts from time to time too.

There’s a successful marriage with a 30 year age gap in my family. They are very happy. Yes, the younger is female but she’s a doctor and is the higher earner. She said many years ago that she wished he was younger but would opt for quality over quantity of years with him.

Life is short, have a fling, enjoy. Don’t introduce your kids if you have any and don’t think about the distant future before you’ve even been on a date.