To lose the odd water bottle?

[Ilfurfante]

This is a very petty argument between myself and DH this morning. We are a very sporty household and as such we are often taking bottles of water out with us. We actually just reuse the plastic sports top bottles (ie. Buxton, Evian etc) as they are easier.

DH likes to think he is quite particular. He reuses the same water bottle many times and never loses it. I sometimes do lose them along the way (not that often btw).

For some context, DH plays in a sports team. He only has himself to think about. I am a sports coach. I can be running multiple teams on one day depending on the fixtures. This means I will often have multiple bags of balls, kit, first aid kit and food for the day. If I have a few teams on the go at anyone time, I might also be moving between courts etc. My DC also play in one of my sports teams so I'll also have their kit, food etc. Sometimes I put a water bottle down and don't remember where it has gone, sometimes there are multiple of the same water bottle so I don't know which is mine.

Talking this morning, DH had no understanding of how I could ever lose a water bottle and was cross with me that I do. In his mind it's as simple as you take one with you, you bring it back. He wouldn't acknowledge that actually there are times when it's really stressful for me and a plastic water bottle is not always my priority when there are many other things that are more important to remember. We had to end the conversation because it was going nowhere and we were getting really frustrated.

Am I being unreasonable to think that it's understandable that I might lose a water bottle now and again given the circumstances that I'm operating in?

Erm... generally not knowingly. Sometimes I'll get home and realise I don't have it. Sometimes I won't even think about it and don't really register it has gone and other times I might go and try and locate and it is no longer in the same place as before. I would NEVER knowingly leave them anywhere but that's the whole point of my post, sometimes it's just not on my radar as there is so much other stuff going on.

Christ. He must have a relatively peace free existence if he has the energy to care about this kind of crap.

I do have a system. I leave all my "important" stuff in a centralised location or in a bag that is always coming with me. However, I don't need to take that stuff in and out whereas I generally take my water around with me and it gets used often.

I have many reusable steel and plastic bottles but I don't use them in those situations because there's always so much going on that they are my last priority and I don't want to lose them.

Smile sweetly at DH, congratulate him on his superior organisational skills, and ask him to put them to good use by overseeing the match day requirements of the teams you coach. Make him responsible for all practical arrangements, and allocate yourself the role of strolling around (with your one water bottle in hand) dispensing encouragement and wisdom.

Adhd exists. Memory loss exists. Brain injuries exists. Being stressed and over whelmed exist.

And yet she's not losing HER things like HER keys, HER phone... she's losing her husband's things.

He makes a point of saving the bottles so he can grab one and go and they aren't there because OP is using them and not replacing them.

It's not rocket science to buy her own bottles, buy a reusable, whatever... just stop taking the ones her husband has gone to the effort to save and she's helping herself to. It's the pure unwillingness to find a solution that relies on her using her own efforts rather than being dismissive that she's happy to take but not make any effort to give on something that repeatedly inconveniences her husband.

If she had lost her water bottle, fine. If it had happened once or twice, fine. But she literally doesn't give a fuck on the impact of her husband, never mind those picking up after her, and is minimising it.

And you're all like "oh but she's busy".

I never reuse them:

www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/health/health-advice/a562639/why-you-should-not-reuse-plastic-bottles/

I was just come on to say stop reusing these water bottles - I think it’s really unhygienic and they break down over time - another Pp has just shared a link

I'm not that keen on reusing a plastic bottle to be honest. Leaching plastic and all that.

I have aDhD and am horrific at losing things....I have 2 £30 SHO bottles, one for work and home...never lost them. If you get one specifically for the thing then it's associated with that, much easier not to lose, especially if its a colour and shape you exactly wanted. It sound silly but the SHO bottles have a spout which I really like and they are 900ml so massive. I drink water every day so why not invest in that. Got a lovely black leopard one and a lovely taupe one. If you spend a lot much less tempting to lose it.

I also bought a carabiner for the lid so will sometimes use that to hook it. Quite useful.

She’s not losing her husband’s things! How do you figure that? She’s losing shared things. They both use the plastic bottles.

@Ilfurfante I understand why you use plastic water bottles instead of a proper reusable one in this situation. So many things to give your attention to and this makes keeping track of your water bottle a low priority and a low cost if you lose it. I’d probably have one or two plastic bottles that are only for DH to use. Get a different brand or something. Never use them and that way he’ll always have one available and he can leave you and your bottles alone.

Sharing doesn't make them any less his though.

You share a car, right? Your Dh can't just come home and say he's lost it amd you need to suck it up because it's half his.

He pays for half the bottles, he returns his half, it's reasonable to expect his half to still be there when he goes to grab them.

Not for his wife to have taken them and lost them and no thought to replace or fix the problem she is making. It's beyond selfish.

Maybe he's 'beyond selfish' for just playing his own sport, instead of volunteering to coach several teams and organise their match days?

A car isn’t comparable to a disposable plastic water bottle. Something that I think is more comparable is green bags/reusable shopping bags or whatever they’re called in your part of the world.

We have multiple green bags. DH and I share them but also have some that are just mine or his. I’m the one who does the grocery shopping. Some are just standard $1 supermarket green bags. Some are bigger or nicer. Some are expensive fancy ones I bought online worth about $10 each. DH knows not to use the fancy expensive ones without checking with me. I got some new standard supermarket ones that I don’t like much. DH loves them for carrying garden stuff or messy stuff so they’re his. If he kills them or makes them filthy then I don’t care. If I messed up the fancy ones he likely wouldn’t care. The standard ones are the ones we share.

This is what OP and DH should do with plastic water bottles. Keep them in different cupboards if necessary. His and hers. As long as he maintains his then it won’t impact him if OP loses hers, apart from the small cost to the grocery budget once every month or two. That’s worth marital harmony.

I mean, I don't even know what to say to that because its beyond the most deflective, defensive, whataboutery thing I've ever read and I think you should be embarrassed for saying it.

I think we agree on the same point though - her DH saves some bottles, OP uses them and then they aren't there when he goes to use them.

OP needs to take responsibility for providing her own bottles rather than losing the communal ones that have an impact on her husband, when he is being responsible and returning them.

😂 oh bless! Not at all embarrassed.

Of course he finds it easy to keep track of his water bottle when he only has himself to organise. Unlike the OP who is supporting and organising several teams.

He's also organising OP by returning the bottle.

You actually believe that OP is entitled to lose shared stuff because she is morally superior to her husband. Without even having the full picture of what each partner does.

Wow.

Hopefully you apply the same logic to your own marriage.

He really shouldn’t be using these disposable bottles over and over. They aren’t designed for that.

Both of you should really be taking a proper reusable water bottle to sport as well as every day, but your way is less concerning as it doesn’t sound like you’re using them multiple times.

The OP is generously coaching various teams. Her DH isn't. So yes, i think she is morally superior. And understandably gets distracted from easily replaceable water bottles.

I am not married, so thankfully don't have to justify my loss of water bottles to anyone.

That’s why separate bottles for each would be a solution. He keeps his stocked, and she keeps hers stocked and if she runs out she needs to buy more. Neither gets impacted by the other apart from a small cost added to the household grocery bill now and then.