Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My sisters have never seen my 3 year old daughter

31 replies

mummyloveslucy · 03/06/2008 12:18

When I was a baby my parents devorced and my Mum re married a lovely man who raised me ashis own. I've always stayed in contact with my real Dad and used to see him every week. He re married when I was 5 to a woman who has always been very jelous of me but I've always got along with her for Dads sake. They have 2 daughters who I have always adored.
I got married 5 years ago and my real Dad gave me away (at the request of my step Dad). My sisters were bridesmaids and my dads wife was made to feel very welcome.
2 years later my daughter was born. I envited them all around for a meal and to meet the new baby. Which was hard work with a baby of 2 days old!. When the doorbell rang I went to greet them and it was only my Dad. He had exuses ready for everyone else. I just thought oh well, the'll see her soon but they never did. She is 3.5 now and they have never seen her. I haven't seen them either. We like in the same town. At first I kept trying to get them to ome over then as time past I thought sod it, they can come if they like and if they don't it's up to them. My Dad has seen her a handfull of times but hasn't for a year now. I'm just not sure what I've done wrong. It seems a strange situation, I just don't know what to make of it.

OP posts:

cheesesarnie · 03/06/2008 12:19

do you go to see them?

lulumama · 03/06/2008 12:24

do you want to maintain a relationship with them>

do they have children?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 03/06/2008 12:28

I've tried to see them but when ever I try to arrange a time my Dad goes quiet and makes an excuse. I tried calling around on the off chance, but Dads wife just said "he's out" and wouldn't let me in.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 03/06/2008 12:32

I would've liked to keep in contact with them but It's no longer an option. It is a shame, but what can you do? I have always loved my sisters and really enjoyed seeing them and my Dad at the weekends. All I can think of is jelousy of the new baby.

OP posts:

lulumama · 03/06/2008 12:33

i;d be more concerned that your dad is keeping his distance, if you have never been close to the girls.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 03/06/2008 12:33

My sisters don't have children.(as far as I know) They are younger than me.

OP posts:

Gateau · 03/06/2008 12:34

You must be hurt.
I know how hurt I feel - and more so my DH - because his brother has never taken an interest in our DS who is now 13 months old. He has barely TOUCHED him, never mind held him.
I know not everyone is into and feels comfortable with kids, but come on, do it for your brother at least.
MY DH had it out with him some time ago, but TBH it made no difference. He's unbelievably selfish- full-stop.
The situation may be different with your sisters. Who not be the bigger person and give it a go?

cheesesarnie · 03/06/2008 12:34

that is odd then!id be very upset!i think id have to phone and just ask whats going on,do they realise theyve not seen your dd etc and how your dd is missing out on knowing her family and them in knowing her.if that doesnt help i think personally id think thats it.how awful for you

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 03/06/2008 12:35

lulumama- I've always been very close to the girls.

OP posts:

cheesesarnie · 03/06/2008 12:35

yes id me more cross and upset at your dad.sisters too but hes your dad!

RubySlippers · 03/06/2008 12:36

it is hurtful when people don't behave in a way we want or expect

they may have no idea you are upset

a relationship is always two way - you can't force them to be close to you and your DD if they don't want to be

has something triggered this? 3 years is a long time to not see you/their niece

lulumama · 03/06/2008 12:36

if you;ve always been close to tehm but they did not come to see your baby when she was born, 3 years ago, then you are no longer close., did you see them much after the wedding?
if you were close, surely you would have picked up on some issue that made you not so close

how old are they?

funnypeculiar · 03/06/2008 12:36

How sad. Was the trigger to them all not seeing you the birth of your daughter or your wedding (just wondering whether there was a reason you mentioned the wedding...?)

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 03/06/2008 12:42

I've given up tbh. I really couldn't have done more for that family. I loved them so much but now I feel as if that chapter of my life has enden. I'm just left thinking Why?
I have a lovely family who all adore my daughter and we are very close. Lucy see's my step Dad regularly and calles him Grandad. I don't think she's missing out at all.

OP posts:

Eddas · 03/06/2008 13:00

unfortunately this seems to be what happens when fathers remarry my friend once said of her father, that it was easy for him to see her children as they were his grandchildre, the other grandchildren were not his, just her mums. I find it odd but i was very sad when she said that as my mum had died and dad remarried to a woman with 2 children. Since having dc my dad hasn't seen them very often. My step brother and sister don't hae dc yet but i know when they do they'll see more of them as step mother is close to her daughter and sees her all the time. Dad see me and my sister infrequently, althought not his fault in my sisters case as she's always busy my borther lives with them.

i hate it when family falls apart through no fault of yours. I miss my dad, but i think i just have to accept that it won't be the same as it was when mum was around

You are lucky that you hae your mum and step dad who sound lovely. It doesn't make up for your other lost family though. Not sure what else to say accept {{{{{hugs}}}}} they don't know what they are missing

lizziemun · 03/06/2008 13:06

I have the same probelm with my dad and stepmother (although they don't have children and my stepmothers is only 2yrs older then me)I have probaly seen my dad about 20 times in the last 17yrs.

He has seen dd1 maybe a dozen times over the last 4yrs and dd2 maybe three times in the last 8mths.

It did get a bit better last year when he found out he had Abestoes (sp) and it is terminal. But once again i have been trying to speak him for the last 2 weeks and leaving messages and once again no reponse from him.

Oh guess what he phoned yesterday, but not to speak to me find out what i had been phoning for or how me, dh and our dc are, no to speak dh because his computer broke and dh works in computers and will be able to fix it.

But i am out of energy and emotions trying to deal with his behaviour i can not do it any more. This is not to say if something was to happen to him tomorrow i wouldn't very upset but i cannot invest anymore of myself in trying to have a relationship with him when he will not do the same IYSWIM.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/06/2008 10:06

Thanks everyone.
I think the trigger must have been the birth of our daughter. I mentioned the wedding as it was such a happy time for us all. They played such important parts in it, and when I saw them after my honeymoon they told me how much they enjoyed it and hadn't stopped talking about it. I just find it all so strange. I'm the sort of person that wouldn't do or say anything to offend anyone, but never mind.
My daughter is such a loving little girl and such a charactor that everyone loves her. It's them who are missing out.

OP posts:

onebatmother · 05/06/2008 10:18

Sorry, MLL, that must be very hard for you. Have you ever asked your father outright whether they are upset with you about anything (not because I think you've done something wrong, but just because people can and do take offense at odd things and it's possible they are nursing some hurt that you've no idea about)

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/06/2008 10:26

Yes, I've asked him and he's said that he is angary with them for not seeing her but he sayes there's no excuse for it and that he dosn't know what to say.

OP posts:

Twinkie1 · 05/06/2008 10:30

My sister and her husband and my father and stepmonster have never seen DS - in my ind they are missing out as he is scrummy - he is fine without them as he has never known them and my uncle is more like a grandpa than my dad could ever be.

I know it kills my dad - he thinks boys are better than girls and DS is his only grandson so I bet it is eating hi up inside - but all he has to do is come and knock on my door grovel profusely and promise me that stepmonster will never ever see DS - and I still may say no just for the hell of it!

2point4kids · 05/06/2008 10:30

Have you got their address? Perhaps you could write them a letter and say in it that you miss them both and you would love for them to meet your daughter some time. Leave all your contact details in the letter and then the ball is in their court.
If they dont get in touch after that you will know that you tried your best and that its their loss at the end of the day.
Hope it all works out.

lizziemun · 05/06/2008 10:34

MLL

You haven't done anything wrong. I think you just have to accept that they have their life and you not as important to them as they are to you IYSWIM.

Onebatmother i have asked my dad why is the way he is, but he realy thinks he is the best dad in the world. He just doesn't understand how upset i get when he show so little interest in mine and my brother life but will see our younger sister every few weeks.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/06/2008 10:44

Yes i have therir address but it would be awkward to wright to them or to see them again as after I'd been "cut off" from them I stopped sending birthday cards, christmas cards etc. I sent a christmas card but just put Dad on it. I just thought sod them.
I think as time goes on, it makes it harder and harder to get in contact.
I've said this to Dad and told him to tell them that I don't mind and I'd love to see them whenever they'd like to pop around. I can't do more than that. You can't force people to like you. My Dad hasn't remembered any of Lucys birthdays, and refused to come to her christening. I envited the whole family, when Lucy was 2 months old. I thought that would be an ideal oppertunity for them to meet her.

OP posts:

TheAngryAtheist · 05/06/2008 11:33

you could try writing and saying that things seem to have become distant between you, and that you hope you haven't inadvertently offended them, but that you miss them and you'd love your daughter to get to know her aunts.

I'm sad for you about your father, too - I think you should be honest with him and tell him that you feel hurt that he's not taking more of an interest in you and your family.

2point4kids · 05/06/2008 12:13

maybe your dad isnt passing on the message though? i think you should write or phone or email and tell them directly that whatever has happened in the last 3 years you would like start a fresh.

Flip

1 2