Husband giving me the ick with his desperation for us to get pregnant

[Lookeye]

Im 31 and husband is 46. He always thought he didn’t want children but a couple of years ago decided he actually did. So when we met and married it was clear we were fast tracking having kids. In an ideal world I would’ve had a couple years of just enjoying married life before having kids. But having met dh I am happy to adjust my plans. We met two and half years ago.

Anyway, we seriously started trying for a baby over the Summer. And dh just gives me the absolute ick with his focus on having a baby. After being intimate he will totally ruin the mood by asking me if I want a pillow to elevate my hips (as an example), always making me smoothies. I went out last week for a hen and dh asked if I would be drinking….sort of implying that it would mess up our ttc timings. Or he will ask if I have taken a test first thing in the morning.

It’s the only thing I am having issues with. Dh is extremely handsome, funny and sweet. But he is really grating on me. He’s changed his diet completely (we’re healthy eaters anyway but he has gone completely ott), stopped cycling etc.

i get he is excited but AIBU to find it really off putting?

Have you explained to him that you need him to stop being so clinical? Fine for him to be as healthy as he can be, but he doesn't need to ram it down your throat

Some would find this endearing, but I would find it suffocating. Can you have some firm words that he needs to chill the hell out?

YANBU. I expect a lot of men feel the same as you are feeling when their partners are desperate to conceive, but on MN, they’d probably be considered inconsiderate bastards. I can totally see the ick though.

I’ve brought up how I don’t want our intimacy to feel procedural and functional. And he agreed to that completely. Intimacy still felt spontaneous and passionate so we weren’t at that point. I probably didn’t go far enough when I brought it up

Us isn’t getting pregnant, you are.
are you happy to do so entirely on your terms?

sounds like your being railroaded into this because of his age.

We did some fertility treatment and it took away the spontaneity, and enjoyment, of enjoying sex basically. Lots of pressure to be doing the right thing, planning ahead, being aware etc. I know you're not having treatment but sèms like that intensity tc is still there.

At 46 I wonder if he's panicking and just trying to ensure everything is optimal to aid you in falling pregnant (then having a successful pregnancy).
I wonder if hes done the maths and is desperate for it to happen NOW. If you fall quickly your husband will be 60 as they hit the teens, if you dont fall quickly then he could be over 65 heading towards 70.

Trying to conceive is an immense pressure and I can see why you might find his intensity annoying/suffocating! But maybe have a heartfelt chat with him about how HE is feeling. People rarely asked my DH how he was doing.
As a couple we talked LOTS, unforubately it never happened for us and we came to a joint, and awful decision to stop treatment. Still together but the intense pressure can easily cause separation .

Edited for spellings!

Isn’t he a bit old?

Are you actually ready to get pregnant, because there is no 'us' in pregnancy - it happens to you, your body.

That's why it's absolutely essential that this is what you want.

He might just be worried that he's firing blanks - at his age he might be desperate to prove his virility.

Please don't let yourself be pushed by him.

I don’t feel railroaded. It’s definitely a compromise but one I am willing to make for dh.

He is on the older side but he is extremely fit and active. We both go to the gym 4+ x a week

If that’s what he’s doing then it’s no surprise OP isn’t getting pregnant.

Is he aware that you can only get pregnant a few days a month? Maximum 5 possibly but realistically you need to hit pre-ovulation, ovulation and post ovulation days and outside of that it’s not likely?

Well that’s what he gets for faffing around till 46. And surely he must have realised marrying somebody a lot younger would mean they don’t share his urgency.

Just tell him you are both aligned in TTC but he needs to chill a bit.

I once knew a friend of a friend that was like this but it was not him doing it it was her.

The man couldn`t breathe with her in the end.
Some of her list below.
Dont wear tight bottoms, no drinking , must have sex every night, cold showers, must workout, healthy foods only, yoga, meditation, take vitamins daily.
She even got a baby like doll so he could practice nappy changing.
A pram that he could practice getting in and out of the car honestly it was that bad.
After 6 months of it he left her, thank god they was not married.
Fast forward 6 years she as 4 kids no dads insight.
Him he decided not to have kids has a lovely wife now that also dont want kids.
I think he got put off of the idea.

Some women on mumsnet have had babies past the age of 46.

Tell him if he wants sex again to knock it off.

I would also find that very annoying.

😂

Ok…?

I agree with a PP that his age has a lot to do with it. This is his mid life crisis basically, “must procreate before I am OLD”. 45 feels a lot different to 31.

😂

Why has he stopped cycling?! I’d encourage him to cycle more if I were you, then maybe he’d get tired and leave your “apron pocket” alone for five minutes

that's no way to make a baby anyway

bugger, should have read further 🤣

(and that won't do it either!)

Well his age doesn’t really leave room to wait

😂